


The Devil Within

by Jay2Noir



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Blood and Gore, Blow Jobs, Chair Sex, Death, F/M, First Time Blow Jobs, Force Sensitive OFC, Gore, Kyber Crystals, Minor Character Death, Murder, Naked Female Clothed Male, Non-Consensual Blow Jobs, Non-Consensual Spanking, Porn With Plot, Public Sex, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sex, Spanking, Tag As I Go, Tattoos, Torture, cum slapping, no gag reflex, romantic dinners
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2018-11-13 04:04:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 24
Words: 85,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11176638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jay2Noir/pseuds/Jay2Noir
Summary: I am Guinevere Zolar. When I first met Ben Solo he helped me fix my lightsaber. Master Luke warned me about him, to keep out of his way because I was too great to spiral down his destructive path. However, that didn't stop the strange feeling in my spine whenever I was around him, and that same feeling drew me ever so closer to him. So close that I got in too deep and fell head over heels for him.But now, as I sit here as Kylo Ren's prisoner, I wish I had listened to Master Skywalker.*Final update: Not finished, chapter 24 is an author note*





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Wicked Elsa](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Wicked+Elsa).



> Thanks for tuning into this fic! I am writing this in conjunction with Wicked Elsa, she provided me the storyline and I am writing it out for her. It is also being cross posted on Wattpad under her same screen name.  
> [This](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLfUjMUnYeqVSOGfsMbIWjTVPvm_cfR4EQ)  
> is a link to the playlist she provided me for the fic.  
> Enjoy!

I am Guinevere Zolar. The only thing I know is I was born to two Force sensitive people and loved for as long as possible. Until Ben Solo happened.

Then everything in my life went sideways.

My mother often told me at a young age, a very young age, she learned I wielded the Force. She said I could levitate and throw my toys before I could even grab them. I could babble in her head before I even said “mama.” I could even float a few inches in the air before I could walk. My mother thought I was an amazing kid, and when I was 11 years old I was sent to train at the Jedi temple with Master Luke Skywalker. I couldn't have been more excited, I knew only the best of the best got to train with Luke Skywalker. Those who were projected to be great trained with him, being chosen to rebuild the Jedi empire next to other fellow Jedi masters was a wonderful feeling. My parents sent me off with a hug and a kiss, told me to give everything 100 percent. They were so proud of me.

 

I trained day and night along other Force sensitive young people, everyone was jubilant just like I was! There were kids of every age in the temple, and we all had the same goal set in mind: to fight alongside both Master Skywalker and each other during the Galactic Civil War.

My life training in the Temple changed majorly one day, the day I finally finished building my lightsaber. Master Skywalker had trained us on how to build lightsabers thoroughly, said it was very important to build the hilt correctly because if you didn't it could cause problems. Some thoughtless Jedi were known to have inverted certain components, or left screwed loose, or even put the Kyber Crystal in the wrong way. They often lost arms and legs, some even lost their lives for it. When it was finally time for me to build mine, I took my sweet time, going over every little piece.

It took me about three days to finally agree with the mechanisms that I built, and in those three days I took it apart twice. I presented it to Master Skywalker on the third day and he looked over it. He inserted a training Kyber Crystal, one that I used to light saber train myself, and watched as the blue blade gently cracked to life. It jutted quickly out of the hilt and, for the most part, stayed a stable blade. He put my saber at ease and removed the small blue crystal. I stood as still as I could, trying to make it seem like I was less nervous than I actually was. Would he approve the hilt? Deny it? Destroy it? Keep it? There was no way to tell.

He had taken another look over it, then handed it back to me. “You did well, Guinevere.” The smile that broke my face was huge, I gripped my hilt tightly in my hands. “You have shown true potential, you'll do great in battle with this hilt. Now all you need to do is let a Kyber Crystal find you.” I jumped up and threw my arms around Master Luke, I was so proud of my achievement! The next day I went out to the Kyber caves to meditate and find my very own crystal.

The walk was long and lonely, but I knew nothing would hurt me since we were so secluded on Master Lukes island. As soon as I saw the large, crystaline cavern over the horizon I started running as fast as I could. I approached the mouth of the cave, looking in I could see the Kyber Crystals glowing all sorts of colors. Lots of blues, greens, and yellows stared back at me as I took the first few steps in. A low buzzing noise surrounded me, Master Luke told us it was how the crystals communicated with one another, whispers in the illuminated cave. Mostly everyone knew the crystals were sentient, they knew they heard everything that was said around them. No one knew what they said to each other.

I wasn't sure where to sit to begin my meditation, I didn't want to intrude on the crystals, didn't want to scare them away from me. After all, this was their home, and I'd be taking one of them from their home whenever it was ready to come home with me.

I wandered further and further into the cave, eventually the light from the outside had diminished and the only thing lighting my path was the soft glow of the crystals. Five minutes in and I was all but in a trance. My eyes were fixated on a green crystal, it seemed as if the buzzing from the crystal was buzzing right into my head. Was this my crystal? I started to reach for it but then quickly stopped. _The crystal will come to you._

I dropped my bag and plopped down onto the cave floor, assuming the Jedi meditation pose. Deep breaths, in through my nose and out through my mouth. I closed my eyes and called out to the crystal in my mind. I envisioned it living in my sabers hilt, helping me through battle and claim victory over my enemies. The buzzing grew louder and I started to panic, it was supposed to take weeks for a Kyber Crystal to find its mate, but here I sat transfixed on one like it had found me already! I opened my eyes, something you're usually not supposed to do while meditating. But I was afraid, I could hear the crystal rattling around in front of me.

But the green crystal wasn't moving, the rattling was coming from somewhere else in the cave. I was so focused on my meditation that I paid no mind to it, just thought of my crystal. The buzzing was unbearable now, causing a horrid headache. I was on the verge of giving up, my head was hung low and my stance was faltering. I really didn't know that grabbing a Kyber Crystal was going to be this painful. But since one had found me so quickly, I did my best to march forward through the pain.

A small clunk to the cave floor, I opened my eyes just in time to see a flash fly out from behind the green crystal I was originally transfixed on. The Force took over my body, thankfully, in that moment and my arm flew up, grasping the crystal that went flying toward me. The reaction was instantaneous, so quick my head spun in trying to figure out what had happened. The sharp pain in my wrist is what alerted me and made me realize that my crystal had reached out to me. I slowly opened my hand, eager to see what color my saber would be. Judging by the majority of colors around me it was either going to be blue or green, secretly, I wanted a blue one. Just like Master Lukes once was.

But I got neither. In my hand sat a florescent white crystal. My eyes widened, my jaw dropped nearly to the ground. Was this really my crystal? White crystals were so rare, and it was even rarer to have one come to you. White crystals only attached themselves to the best of the best, to those Jedis that were powerful beyond belief. Not even Darth Vader could get himself a white crystal, and here I was holding one in the palm of my hand.

I turned my head, was there someone standing behind me? Did I catch their crystal? I was alone, but I still didn't believe this crystal wanted me as its master. I very gently sat it down atop my backpack, not wanting to disrespect it by placing it on the floor. I scooted back a few feet and called out to it again, thinking a different one would fly out and into my palm

But no, the same white Kyber Crystal rolled off of my back pack and over to me Iclutched it in the palm of my hand and hurried over to my backpack, too excited to get my crystal back to the temple to show everyone.

 

I ran the entire way back to the temple, the heart was pounding in my ears and my breath was barely able to keep up with my pace, nevertheless I kept going. The sooner I made it to the temple the sooner I could put together my lightsaber.

Once I made it in I went straight to the work shop where I took the hilt of my saber and laid it out on the bench. I began taking it apart just enough to insert my Kyber Crystal. The white crystal was a lot bigger than I thought, it just barely fit in its designated area in my hilt. It popped itself out quite a few times, but eventually I managed to keep it in. Once everything was said and done I lifted up and admired my now complete lightsaber. Now that a crystal lived inside of it it had a satisfying weight to it. I was so, _so_ proud of myself. My parents were coming in a few months to come visit and I couldn't wait to show them what I had created wit my own two hands.

It was too bad that when I ignited my saber it exploded, nearly taking my hand with it.'

I sat up, having fallen to the ground in order to get away from the explosion. My saber sat on the ground in front of me, it had disassembled into three burned pieces. I scurried over to it and collected the pieces in my hands, looking over the charred remains. “No, no. No!” I began to cry uncontrollably not from the massive cut in my hand, now bleeding all over my precious white crystal, but for the fact that my creation had been ruined. “No! What have I done? Nooo....” I was bawling, how could I have missed something? This was my pride and joy, now I sat holding three days worth of hard work destroyed in my hands.

Suddenly, all three pieces were ripped from my hands. I jerked my head up and saw a mysterious looking young man. He had shoulder length black hair, a large nose, and an annoyed look on his face. I had never seen this man before and yet there he was taking the destroyed remains of my lightsaber to the work bench I was just working at a second ago. I slowly stood up, putting all of the pressure on my good hand and slowly and silently made my way over to him. He had begun removing the crystal holder part, the other two parts sat over to the side.

“Bandages are over in the medi kit.” He said coldly. I looked over to where he had nodded his head, sure enough there was a white box hanging on the wall with a red cross, indicating there was medical supplies in it. Judging by the pool of blood dripping off of my hand and onto the floor, it would have been a good idea to go take care of myself. However, my mind had other ideas,

At the sight of this man, my spine tingled. Not quite in a bad way, but in a way that drew me closer to him. I took a step forward, clutched my bleeding hand close to me as I stood up on the tips of my toes to see what he was doing. As I got closer to him, I heard something very strange in my head:

 

_Fucking dumb. Who puts a Kyber Crystal in upside down?_

 

“My crystal was upside down?!” I was too shocked to question why I heard his voice in my head. He whipped his head around and looked at me suspiciously. “What are you doing standing around? Go bandage your hand!” He huffed, but then went back to what he was doing. It took me half a minute but what he said registered in my mind, so I did as he said. Once I made it over to the medi kit I grabbed the bandages and got to work on my hand. The bandages stung, but once I got them wrapped around my palm enough times the bleeding slowed and the pain slowly started to dissipate. When I turned around I found the man staring at me, but he quickly looked away.

“Yes. Your crystal was upside down. You also bled on it.” There it was again, the strange tingle down my spine that made my feet step toward him against my will. “I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.”

“You'll be lucky if this crystal is alive. You haven't been treating it with respect.” His voice was sharp and nippy, he was angry at me. “Don't worry, it's a white Kyber Crystal, it's strong.” I reassured him. He looked over at me, his honey brown eyes were wide in shock. “How could someone like you have a white Kyber Crystal?” He asked me, I shrugged and wiped the tears out of my eyes. He lifted the crystal out of the holder and used his tan sleeve to wipe my blood off of it. “Holy Maker. It is a white crystal.” His jaw went slack as he examined it. I worried he was going to shove it into his pocket and steal it from me.

Just as I finished the thought he looked over at me angrily. “I'm not going to steal it from you.”

 

_It wouldn't work for me anyway._

 

I realized in that moment that we had heard each others thoughts. Normally I had to go out of my way to listen to another persons thoughts, but his glided right into my mind with no resistance. This was new, I had never encountered anything like it before.

Out of the blue the door to the shop swung open and in stormed Master Luke. “What's going on in here?” He shouted. I stole a look over at the man, who was just staring wide eyed at Master Luke. Neither of us said anything as Master Luke examined the scene. “Ben, did you destroy her lightsaber?” I gasped at the accusation, wondering how Master Luke came to that point. Then again, he was holding my Kyber Crystal and parts of my destroyed saber. “No Uncle Luke, I was working on mine when she walked in and-”

“Ben, put her saber down and walk away.” Ben looked over at me desperately, but I looked away, too afraid to speak at the moment. The rules were no working in the shop after hours and I knew I was about to be in trouble. “But Uncle-!”

“I said walk away Ben.” Ben threw my lightsaber pieces across the table and shoved my Kyber Crystal into my much smaller hands and stormed out of the shop. It was just Master Luke and I now awkwardly listening to the echo the slamming door made. “Guinevere, what happened?” I explained to him in detail about what happened from the moment I entered the shop to now. When I had finished, Master Luke walked around the table and picked up the pieces of my lightsaber that Ben had so carelessly thrown to the side. “I'm sorry, Guinevere, but I thought I had taught you better than to insert the crystal in upside down. And you should know better than to be in the shop after hours.” My face went red, this was embarrassing for someone who had just obtained a white Kyber Crystal. “Yes Master Luke.” I was too ashamed to even tell him that I had obtained a white crystal

“There's something you must know about that boy, Guinevere.” I picked my head up, quickly shoving my crystal into my pocket. “You must stay away from him. You're too great of a pupil to get caught up in his mess. He's headed down a dark path, a path you have no business being on. Do you understand me?” Master Luke reached under my chin and tilted my head up, what he said about this Ben person really scared me. I was just alone in this room with a dangerous person and didn't even know it. What was even more disturbing is how drawn to him I was. It was entirely too strange.

I respectfully agreed with him and apologized, he handed me the pieces of my saber and sent me on my way back to my room. “And Guinevere?” He stopped me just before I closed the door. “That white crystal called to you for a reason.”

 

I sat in bed twiddling my crystal gently in my hands that night. It was still buzzing, still white, and still perfect. I felt so bad for being in such a hurry that I nearly destroyed it putting it in my saber. Master Luke really did teach me better, I was just impatient. I softly kissed it and whispered “I'm sorry to it. Just as I set it down on my bedside table the whispers in my mind from Ben started again, startling me slightly.

 

_Can you hear me?_

 

_Yes._

 

_Good. Meet me in the workshop again tomorrow night. I'll help you rebuild your lightsaber._

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

I've never seen that girl before in my entire time at my uncle's temple. She was so young, her hair was so long and gorgeous. It was such a shame that my first time actually looking at her face was when she was crying.

I was just trying to work on my lightsaber, alone and silently. It's something I do regularly, I _hate_ the other kids here. They're always taking my tools out from under me or talking really loud, to the point where I cannot concentrate to save my own life. So I go after hours, even if that means I run the risk of getting in trouble, it's quiet and peaceful, just the way I like it.

That was until she burst through the door like a raging bull. I was sitting in the corner that night and looked up just as she had. Her light brown hair was covering her face and she was in such a hurry to pull her hilt out that I didn't want to bother her. She was being quiet enough, I just decided to ignore her. I got the strangest feeling in my spine when I laid my eyes on her, though. Sharp and tingly, unlike anything I had ever felt before. It made my skin crawl and my fingers were almost numb, in fact it was so difficult to concentrate that I was getting ready to pack up and head back to my dorm when there was an explosion.

I lifted my head and saw the girl was thrown to the floor, her hilt was in pieces on the floor in front of her and she had started to cry. I hate crying. I hate it when I cry and I hate seeing other people cry. It's such a sign of weakness, a sign that you can't control your emotions and it's downright pathetic. I rolled my eyes at her, shoved my hilt onto my belt and moved to leave the room. I took one more look back at her, the angle that I was at allowed me to see her face. Her face was long, smooth, and beautiful though reddened with sadness. Her eyes were a gorgeous shade of light brown, with hints and tints of green around her irises. Her lips were a natural pink, very small mouth but very full lips. She was stunning.

Just like that my spine tingled again, almost as if there was ice cold water running down my back. I shivered, licked my dry lips as my feet moved toward her. It wasn't as if they were moving against my will, it was just I was going to help her. I was even surprised because I hardly talk to anyone here, let alone want to help them with anything.

I snatched the burned pieces of the hilt from her hands and brought them over to the table. Examining them showed me the origin of the explosion and I concluded her crystal was upside down. It was such a fucking dumb move only an amateur would make, but for some reason I didn't hold it against her.

“My crystal was upside down?!” She shouted, causing me to jump and drop part of her hilt. I turned to her in annoyance, told her, once again, to go get her hand bandaged. I didn't want her anywhere near me, I was only fixing her hilt to get her to stop crying. She walked away, but I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. There was just something about her, something so magical and different than anyone else I've ever met. Her form, her beauty, her curiosity. No, it was none of those that drew me to her. It was something else, something I couldn't put my finger on.

Just as I was opening the compartment where her crystal lived she told me it was a white crystal. I shot her a skeptic look, there was no way such a powerful crystal would call to a little girl like her. But sure enough, when I opened the compartment there sat a white crystal. It was upside down of course, cracked just a bit and had her blood running over it. I was amazed. I hadn't ever seen one in real life, and I knew only the most powerful of all the Jedi's got one.

I wiped it with my sleeve, it was so shiny and slightly translucent, more beautiful than anything I had ever seen before. As I was examining in a thought fluttered through my mind. It wad strange though, because it wasn't my thought, it was hers. She was concerned with me taking her crystal. I rolled my eyes at her, told her I had no need for it. It wouldn't bend to my will anyway, you'd have to be ten times more powerful than the crystal in order to force it into a saber. I would just have to wait until a Kyber Crystal called to me.

It wasn't until I made it back to my rooms after being kicked out by my uncle that I realized I had heard her voice in my head, and it was without me pulling her thoughts from her. She wasn't projecting them into my head either, they were her own personal thoughts that somehow made it into my head. I sat in bed stunned, I hadn't encountered anything like this before. She had read my thoughts and I had read hers, this girl was truly something special.

I reached out to her, asked her to meet me again tomorrow night so I could help her rebuild her lightsaber. There must have been a reason I was so drawn to her.

 

*

 

I really should not have met Ben that next night, Master Luke told me not to have anything to do with that boy. But for some reason, I couldn't stay away. That next night I snuck out of my room, burned saber pieces in my hands and everything, and crept to the workshop. Once I made it I looked left and right, making sure Master Luke or anyone else wasn't around, then slowly opened the door and entered the dark, empty room.

I walked over to the work bench where I was previously working and dropped my components. I had a good look around but I didn't see Ben anywhere. I checked the time, 8:30 at night just like yesterday. I bit my lip, maybe I should just go back to my room, this was quite embarrassing. Looking back, I really wish I had.

“You came.” I jumped and dropped the still charred hilt piece onto the table. From the corner of the room came Ben, stalking out of the dark like a vampire. The shadows gave way and his face became visible, I could count the beauty marks on his skin one by one. I smiled at him, and he smiled back. Just like the last time I had seen him my spine tingled, only this time it was much stronger than when we first met. I was beginning to think maybe we were Force bonded, but Master Luke had told me it doesn't happen at such a young age as I was.

“Yeah, I-I need to fix my hilt.” I murmured, now finally embarrassed about my situation. I really put my precious white crystal in upside down and ruined my hilt. Ben was right, it was such an amateur move. “It's alright, Guinevere. We'll get it fixed.” Ben said to me, removing the pieces from my hands.

Minutes passed, Ben and I sat in silence as he tinkered with my broken hilt, scraping the charred remains off of it. I watched, fidgeting my crystal under the table. It was welcomed silence though, nothing awkward about being with this man that I had just met yesterday. “This style of saber is so plain. I wanted to switch mine up.” Ben said. He looked up at me, the little bit of light from the moon shone in his eyes, he was gorgeous. “Do you want to see?” I nodded my head, the more Ben fiddled with my hilt the more it seemed like it was a total loss. I could maybe learn a thing or two from his design.

He reached to his belt and removed his saber, reaching it across the table and holding it out to me. I couldn't see it too well at first, it had just looked like a simple hilt to me. I took it in my hands, it was heavy and built really well. That's when I realized it had a cross guard on it. “Woah. This is really neat.” I briefly wondered what color his crystal was, what this saber would look like complete.

“I don't have a Kyber Crystal yet. None have called to me.” He had stopped looking at me and went back to working on my hilt, I could tell he was upset over the fact. “Well, the Kyber Cave isn't that far away. I got mine my very first time I went!”

“I've been quite a lot now, not a single crystal even moved when I was in there.”

“Oh, I'm sorry.” The silence hung between us again, this time it was very awkward. I could feel the tension in the air as I toyed with his hilt. I thought about the mechanisms, how exactly would a crystal work in this kind of saber? What if it didn't work at all? I wasn't sure why, but this design just seemed so flawed to me. Wasn't a cross guard supposed to protect your hand, not burn it?

Ben snatched his hilt out of my hand and angrily shoved it back onto his belt. “At least I'm not the one who ruined their hilt by blowing it up.” Ben snapped at me. I jumped back just a hair, I wasn't expecting him to be so mean to me. “Quit judging mine when I'm helping you fix yours, idiot.” My heart stung just a bit. No one had ever spoken to me in such a way before as Ben had. It had just been an observation, something I was confused about. He didn't have to snap at me like that.

“Sorry.” I muttered to him. He sighed, placing the pieces of my saber down on the table. “No, I'm sorry. That was uncalled for.” I looked at him, we locked eyes for a hot second before he looked back down at the table. “Your hilt is pretty shot. I think you'll need a new one.”

“Oh.” I said, very glumly. I almost wanted to cry again, I had worked so hard on that hilt and then ruined it so. “It's alright, I can help you with that too.” Ben's demeanor had changed, no longer was he mean and angry like he was a second ago, he was now calm and more level headed. “Maybe you should go with something different too. Something that will make you stand out from the rest of the Jedi.”

“Like what?” I stared at him blankly, did he expect me to make one like his, one that could slice my hand off? “Have you ever heard of Darth Maul?” I nodded my head, Master Luke had taught us about him, about how he was killed trying to capture Master Luke's mother. He was a Sith lord, he was and is our enemy. “Don't listen to what my uncle says. He knows nothing.”

“Your-your uncle? Master Luke is your uncle?” I remembered hearing Ben call Master Luke “uncle Luke” last night but for some reason it didn't stick and I didn't understand until now. “Yes, he's my uncle. My mother is General Leia Organa and my father is Han Solo.” I started giggling, thinking it was really cool to be a part of such a well respected and, for lack of a better word, cool family! Sure, my family were Force sensitive and generally fun to be around, but they'll never be blowing up the Death Star cool! I had to stop though when I saw Ben was less than thrilled to be telling me about his family. Then I realized that if Leia Organa was his mother, that meant Darth Vader was his grandfather.

Ben picked his head up, looking me right in my eyes. “He's not that bad either. My uncle would have you believing he's a bad guy. He wasn't. He wanted to bring peace to the Galaxy, and he wanted to do it in a much more efficient way than the Republic was going to do.” Ben was starting to get snappy again, it was obvious that he admired his grandfather, but I couldn't get the images and stories out of my head. The mass murder of the younglings and the Jedi, the silencing of the different races, and the rise of many gangs and crime lords, it was all so terrible. “I don't know about that, Ben. I can't-”

“Trust me, Guinevere. My Uncle has brainwashed you into believing lies.” Ben placed his hand upon mine and it felt as if he shocked me. I quickly slipped my hand out from under his and took a step back. A strange feeling was washing over my limb, like water flowing slowly in my arm and filling my fingers. “Sorry.” He muttered, turning away and taking my hilt to the trash. I thought a little while longer on what he was saying, and truthfully I had no reason to not believe him over Master Luke, I mean I wasn't born yet so I had no idea. On his way back I had a sudden, startling realization. “Okay, so back to Darth Maul-”

“Why are you here?” Ben looked at me surprised, like no one had ever been bold enough to cut him off before. “What do you mean?”

“You like Darth Vader so much, you stand for the things that we're supposed to stand against. Why are you here training to be a Jedi?” Ben was silent, his fists were clenched at his sides. He exhaled, and turned away from me; I had just caught a glimpse of a tear falling from his eye. “Because my parents hate me.” My breath caught in my throat and I trembled, over taken with an extreme sense of sadness. “Oh, Ben. I'm sorry. I didn't mean-”

“They never had any time for me and they were always fighting. It was all my fault. My dad was never around, he was always borrowing credits and stealing and putting my mom and I in danger. My mom was a senator that was never around either. When she was she had meetings with other people and I had to sit in my room the entire time. When all three of us were home together no one actually talked, we just yelled at each other. They weren't even the ones who told me about my lineage, it was that bastard Tye or Todd or whatever the fuck his stupid name is. He was afraid of me when I first got here a year ago. I had no idea what he was talking about until my Uncle explained it to me. If my parents had told me before I came here then I could have at least prepared myself to be seen as a freak!”

Ben stopped yelling and was now visibly crying. He was sniffing and rubbing his eyes and nose all while I was becoming alarmingly emotional as well. Tears slipped down my own face at Ben's terrible up bringing, normally a story like this from someone else wouldn't fill me with such melancholy, I had no idea what was going on with me. Ben was just, different.

“Ben, I'm so sorry.” I reached up and rubbed his back. He stiffened, not sure how to react to me. He looked over at me, his eyes were so red and swollen and he just looked so sad. He was obviously traumatized and hurt from his upbringing, no wonder he hated the light side so much. “It, it doesn't matter, Guinevere. It doesn't matter because I'm not-” He abruptly cut himself off, taking steps away from me and further into the darkness. “Why am I telling you this? Never mind. Never fucking mind. Let's just go back to your lightsaber.” I could do nothing other than nod my head. If my new friend Ben didn't want to tell me anymore about himself then that was fine. I had only known him for 24 hours.

 

Ben went on to tell me about the staff saber that Darth Maul wielded. It had a hilt in the middle and two plasma blades on the ends, a double bladed saber. We said our goodbyes and agreed to meet again the next night after I had done some research on the type of saber. Once I did I fell in love. I imagined how good I'd look twirling it around, slicing my enemies into pieces with both sides. Of course, it would take a lot of practice and mastery. This type of saber was so rare, I'd have to find someone to specially train me to use it. But it was no bother, because I had my heart set on building that lightsaber.

That night Ben was so happy that I had chosen that lightsaber to build, he told me to meet him in the shop every night and we'd work together to build it. And if we got caught? We'd serve our punishment and move on, meeting in the shop every night until it was built. We never got caught though, and it took us five days to get the mechanics down. Ben stole and training crystal to try it out and we found that it only created a blade on one side of the staff. I was disappointed, but it was easily fixable. All we had to do was insert another crystal component and get another crystal.

The night we finished my saber for real was very bittersweet. I was elated to finally see both ends of the hilt light up with the training crystals. I begged Ben to let me try my white crystal, even if just one side activated it would still be beautiful and it would give me something to look forward to. Ben seemed to hesitate, like he was nervous about me activating one side of my saber. I begged him, to which he always replied he'd take me to the Kyber Caves to get me another one tomorrow. Eventually, however, he broke down and let me do it.

Very carefully and under Ben's guidance I opened the first crystal compartment. I made sure to look over it several times to ensure I did not accidentally put my crystal in upside down. I proudly reached into my bag, dug around for my crystal but felt nothing. Frowning, I placed my bag upon the table where I could get better light to see and dig more efficiently, but it wasn't there. I panicked, feeling around in my jacket and pants pocket, but my crystal wasn't there.

“Ben!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, turning to face him. I latched my hands to his biceps and squeezed as hard as I could. “My white crystal, it's gone!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find this story on [Wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/425385595-the-devil-within-%E2%9E%B3-kylo-ren-summary). Go vote and see the photos and gifs Wicked Elsa has added. It really makes the story come alive!


	3. Chapter 3

Ben watched me as I cried in the workshop, turned my room upside down with me to try and find my crystal. We searched every drawer, bag, corner, and pocket but my crystal was gone; Absolutely nowhere to be seen. I sat back down in my bed, bawling as if someone had killed my best friend. How could I have been so careless? The crystal trusted me to be its master and I failed it. It could be anywhere right now, sitting in a trashcan, or being sold on the black market or, even worse, in the hands of someone who planned to abuse its power,

“I'm so stupid! I can't believe I lost my crystal!” I said, crying and heaving and shaking on my bed. “Ben! My white crystal, it's-it's-!” I buried my face in my hands, completely defeated. What would I do now?

“It's okay, Guinevere. It'll be okay.” Ben sat down next to me, I could feel him awkwardly lift his hand to touch my back, then change his mind and lower it again. The only noises in my room were my loud cries, it must have been terrible for him. At the time, I was starting to feel his emotions. I could feel his unsure vibes flowing through me, and when he tried to touch my back I felt guilt. It was so strange, that Ben would feel guilty over me losing my crystal. Maybe he had set it down somewhere, I had let him play with it sometimes when I wasn't using it. Or maybe he saw the person that took it and didn't want to out them.

It really didn't matter, it was gone and never coming back.

I wrapped my arms around myself, yearning for the comfort of human contact on my saddened skin. Ben was sitting right next to me, but at the time I felt so lonely. Never have I ever heard of a Jedi being so careless that they lost a crystal, let alone such a rare one. Blue and green ones have been lost before, but they are easily replaceable. A white one? I'll probably never see another one again.

Suddenly, Ben places his hand on my knee, squeezing it slightly. The slightest show of affection from him put me slightly at ease and I completely collapsed in his lap. I braced my arms on his chest, picking up on the wailing where I had left off. It took Ben a second before he wrapped his arm around me and gently moved it up and down. It was as if he had never comforted anyone before.

My tears slowed as Ben's actions became bolder, running his fingers through my hair, stroking my back with his palm, my neck with his two fingers. It was as if we were becoming one, I could feel him in ways I never could feel anyone else. No longer was I so sorrowful and inconsolable, I was at almost perfect peace in his embrace.

I wrapped my other arm around his rib cage and settled my face on his chest, wiping my face on his shirt like an infant. We sat there like that for a while, completely silent and in a trance. His hand moved from my side to under my chin as he lifted my head and gazed into my eyes. His expression was so soft, so sure, so dainty and innocent, it was a side of him that I had never seen before. I couldn't help but to fall for him a little that night, the way he cared for me even with all of the foolish things I had done in his presence, he wanted to be my friend.

Ben was like a ghost. He haunted his way into my life, seemingly out of nowhere, and stayed there, he was the center of my thoughts at nearly every hour of the day. Sure I had friends before Ben, but I never had friends that spent time with me as Ben had. What made it even worse was all the times I had been warned by nearly everyone in the temple to stay away from him. Everyone told me he was a dangerous being, that he would one day cause destruction to me and my life. He talked to nearly no one else but me, and the more we hing out the more I found myself only talking to him as well. I almost believed them with how he could get angry at me sometimes and lose his cool just a bit, but after that night I just didn't understand.

Ben was sweet and caring, a lovely looking boy who only had my best intentions on his mind. He wanted to help me be successful in building my saber and wanted me to get the best Kyber Crystals I could, offering to take me to the Kyber Caves tomorrow and stay there until I had two new crystals for my saber. All of this and I had only known him for less than a month. Maybe it was because I was so young, but I didn't want to share these feelings with him. I was afraid he'd laugh at me, call me immature or something and tell me I was too young to be having these feelings or say he was too old for me. The entire situation was heartbreaking, I was dying to know if he felt the same.

“Ben?” I started, wiping my eyes and nose with the back of my hand. “Hm?” He said, the vibrations in his chest soothing me even more. “Please, don't tell Master Luke.” I waited for a reply, the clock on my wall was ticking and making me nervous. Maybe he had felt the fondness I had for him and wanted nothing to do with me anymore, maybe he'd leave me all alone.

“No, Guinevere. I won't.”

 

A few days later I met Ben so we could go to the Kyber Caves. It was early morning, before the sun even came up when I met him at the bottom of the steps to the entrance of the Temple. No one was out, and the early morning stillness was so quiet. I had a book on plant and animal life that I was busying myself with, completely immersed, relaxed, and calm. I had just started the chapter on Fynocks, an avian species found on Talus. I was studying the picture of its tail, its anatomy and how many bones it contained when someone grasped my shoulder. I turned around, fully expecting to see Ben, but it wasn't him.

“Morning Guinevere, a little early to be out this morning?”

“Master Luke!” I abruptly closed my book and stood to greet him. He was smiling at me, moved his hands behind his back as he took another step down closer to me. He was waiting for an explanation, an explanation about why I wasn't asleep like the rest of his pupils. “Good morning, Master Luke. I, I was just, um.” I stole a look down at my book, there must be some excuse I could give him! I was his most powerful and trusted apprentice, he wouldn't read my mind. “I was, bird watching!” Master Luke raised his eyebrow at me, he looked like he didn't believe me at all. “Bird watching?”

“Bird watching.” I smiled at him, nodding my head reassuringly. “See? I was looking for this one, the Fynock.” I opened my book to show him, pointing to the colorful photo I was just looking at. I watched as Master Luke studied it, then he looked back at me extremely skeptical. “This species does not exist on this planet.” _Snap._

 _“_ Oh, I'm aware, Master Skywalker! I was just...imagining!” I immediately put my mental gaurds up, pretending to think of the Fynock flying around over the Temple-it was a beautiful image. Master Luke looked above the temple, where the Fynock was flying in my head, then back down at me. “Tell me, Guinevere. Have you seen Ben Solo recently?”

“Ben Solo?” I panicked slightly, Master Luke hadn't brought Ben up to me since the first time I met him. His instructions were clear, stay far away from him. Instructions that, of course, I did not follow. I was guilty, and I didn't know what Master Luke would do to me if he caught me with Ben.

Speaking of the Devil himself, right behind Master Luke the door to the temple opened, and out emerged Ben Solo. I struggled to contain my shock and surprised face. He stopped in his tracks, looking at the back of Master Luke's head. I watched as his face twisted in horror, he locked eyes with me, quickly turned and walked back into the temple.

_I'll come back later. Don't worry._

“No, I have not. I'm sorry.” Master Luke raised his eyebrow at me. “Is that so?” I nodded my head at him. “Well, you are aware that he's not very sociable. I've only ever observed him fraternizing with you that one time.” I gulped, couldn't even guess what he was trying to get me to tell him. I did not, however, realize that Ben didn't have any other friends other than me.

“N-No, Master Skywalker. I haven't noticed.”

“Well, I was hoping you could tell me where he's been. I've spotted him leaving the temple several times late at night and early in the morning, he gives me little to no explanation as to where he's going, and when he comes back he's often very hostile toward me and my other students.” I furrowed my brows at him, now that I thought about it I often would not pick up on his thoughts some nights and mornings and he was often very cruel to our peers. I had never witnessed him be nice to anyone but me really.

“I recently reached out to his Force signature while he was gone and found him talking to someone with a lot of dark Force energy. I have no idea who he's talking to or what he's talking to them about, but I will find out and I will put an end to it.”

Truth be told, the dark side of the Force scared me a lot. It often coerced people into doing very scary things. I knew Ben looked up and admired his grandfather, Darth Vader, but I had no idea he was dipping his fingers in the dark side. This changed my views on him, I finally understood why Master Luke said he was dangerous. “You _must_ not go anywhere near him, Guinevere. I know that you've been in his presence recently, he thinks about you often. I can tell he's coming close to being a lost cause for the Jedi, I don't want you to fall down with him. You're too valuable, you're too strong. Ben Solo is nothing compared to you, you're both bigger and stronger than he is.”

My eyes twinkled with the start of tears as Master Luke implored me to keep my distance from Ben. He told me on a regular basis that I will be a great Jedi one day, and I looked forward to nothing more than to fulfill that dream and make him proud.

But I loved Ben.

I really could admit in that moment that I loved him. I couldn't admit it out loud, but I loved him. He was the only person in my years of Jedi training to actually help me with my saber, to sit down and talk to me for hours, to take me to the Kyber Caves, to hold me as I cried, to comfort me. I was incredibly conflicted at the time, conflicted and confused. Ben Solo was the son of Leia Organa and Han Solo, nephew of one of the greatest Jedi masters Luke Skywalker, and even before Darth Vader fell to the light Anakin Skywalker was a great Jedi. It made no sense that Ben would fall to the darkness, none at all.

I refused to believe Master Luke, maybe he knew I loved Ben and just didn't want me to have a relationship with anyone, he would have reacted the same way to someone else getting so close to me as Ben did. He would have made up those same lies to get me to get away from them. I mean, Ben said so himself that Master Luke lies.

But for some reason I was still cautious, no matter how much I loved Ben the threat of the dark side still sat on my shoulders. The dark side was something I was not willing to mess around with or take for granted. So I decided to still meet up with Ben that day, but I would for sure ask him what his motives were, just to see if he'd tell me. Ben wouldn't lie to me, I knew that for sure.

 

*

 

I waited in the library for Guinevere to call to me with the Force. Seeing my uncle talking with her on the steps was frightening, especially since I knew my uncle was swaying her away from me. I considered Guinevere my only friend really, I've never felt more connected to anyone than her, not even my own family.

While I was in there I decided to read some books on the powers of the Force. Sure, Uncle Luke had taught me a lot but Snoke was making me feel like I knew nothing.

Snoke, of course, was a being I was meeting with on a pretty regular basis.

Snoke called me weak, said I wasn't being properly trained and I would go nowhere in life training under Luke Skywalker. I didn't want to believe him at first, I told him he was mad and immediately made my way back to the temple to talk to Guinevere, she always made me feel better.

However, the next day I felt the need, the desire to converse with Snoke again. I left late at night, so late Guinevere was fast asleep as was everyone else at the temple. When I met with him he called my bluff, stating he knew there was a reason I had came back to him. He told me about all the things the Republic wanted to do and how my spectacular grandfather worked with Emperor Palpatine to try and correct them. He told me about the violence that ensued and about how my grandfather had a lapse in judgment when he turned Light at the very last minutes of his life. If that wouldn't have happened the Empire would have risen to greatness.

Every time, every single time I went to speak with Snoke he told me my grandfather needed someone to finish what he had started, and he recognized potential in me and said I was the best person to continue his legacy, to bring order to the galaxy. I didn't want to believe him at first, it went against everything my uncle was telling me, everything I was being trained for.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I didn't fit in.

I got along with no one at the temple, I hadn't gotten a long with anyone that was sided with the light side of the Force. The only person I truly got a long with was Guinevere, I was beginning to question her place in the light side as well.

So I agreed to train with Snoke, to meet him every other night and he'd tell me everything I need to know about the Force.

While I was reading the book on the Force I came across a section called “Force Bonding.” I had never heard of anything like that before, so I read on. My jaw dropped as I realized what it was and that it was currently happening to me.

_“Signs of a Force Bond taking place include but are not limited to:_

  * _A tingling sensation down ones spin_

  * _A feeling of calm coming over you when near the person you are bonded with_

  * _Being able to clearly hear the other parties thoughts, even when very far away_

  * _Knowing where the bondmate is at all times_

  * _The feeling of electricity in areas of the body that the bondmate has touched_

  * _Feeling the bondmates emotions_

  * _Feeling the bondmates pain/pleasure_




 

_A bond with another person is present at birth, one can only have one bondmate. A bond can be strengthened by touching or feeling, spending time with each other on a daily basis, or sharing blood, but a bond can only be complete by-”_

 

Suddenly, Guinevere's voice ran through my head. She was telling me Master Luke had left and she was ready to go to the caves. As much as I wanted to continue the section, I slammed the book shut and stood, leaving the library immediately. I promised her I'd take her to the caves as soon as possible and I knew she wanted her crystals so she could complete her saber as soon as possible.

While I was on my way to the temple entrance I thought more about the Force Bond I shared with Guinevere. Just from reading that small section of the book I was nearly 100 percent certain we were bonded. I was worried, she was 7 years younger than I was and I just felt like she wouldn't understand at all what a Force bond meant. She probably didn't even realize that I was so fond of her. But what if she did? What if she did know and she did want to fulfill the bond with me? I'd have to tell her all about my training with Snoke and have to somehow convince her to go dark with me. I didn't think she had it in her to go completely dark, but at the same time I didn't think I could go completely dark either. This new revelation was incredibly conflicting and confusing, very difficult to figure out.

 

We walked to the caves, talking here and there about news going on within the temple, about how our training was going, and about how badly Guinevere wanted to begin her lightsaber training. I kept assuring her we'd get her two new Kyber Crystals soon, pushing the guilt I had about her white crystal into the back of my mind.

When we got there the loud humming of the crystals communicating with one another buzzed in my ear, quickly giving me a nasty headache. As we walked further into the caves Guinevere let out a distraught sight. “I wonder if I'll get two more white crystals of if I'll have to settle for two blue or green ones.” I was feeling terrible for her. I cared for her so much I almost felt like undoing my actions just to make her feel better, but I couldn't do it, Snoke wouldn't allow it at all. “Who knows. Maybe you'll get a yellow or an orange one.” Guinevere laughed at me as she stopped and dropped her bag on the floor. “Orange crystals don't exist, silly!”

I watched as she got herself into the meditation position and closed her eyes. I looked around at the pulsating glowing lights as she did, wondering why a Kyber crystal never came to me natrually. It was heartbreaking to say the very least, I was always told that it's an amazing feeling having a Kyber Crystal choose you.

“Aren't you going to meditate with me?” Guinevere asked, looking at me though one of her eyes. The guilt washed over me again, I couldn't tell her that I didn't need a Kyber Crystal anymore. “No, I'm still not ready for my crystal yet. I need to touch up my hilt and get it approved by my uncle first.” She smiled and nodded at me, then I went about my staring at the blue and green colors. Some time later I heard two crystals clanking together, I looked up just in time to see two crystals flying through the air and into both of her hands.

At first, I didn't believe anything had actually happened. I had never seen or heard of anyone obtaining Kyber Crystals that quickly, Guinevere had only been on the ground for ten minutes. Secondly, I didn't believe the color that I saw, what little color I saw fly through the air. I quickly made my way over to her, she had both of the crystals clutched in her hands. Her fingers were glowing the color that I had suspected, and when she opened her hands I saw the purple crystals resting soundly in her palms.

“Wow, Guinevere. First white crystals now purple?” Although not as strong as white crystals, purple crystals were the next best thing. They symbolized great power and used power from both the light and the dark. My hope to bring her with me to train with Snoke increased ten fold. My admiration for her increased ten thousand times, she was a much more powerful being that I had originally thought.

 

“Ben!” Both of us jumped, turned around and and looked in horror as we saw Master Luke standing at the mouth of the cave. Guinevere and I looked over at each other as if to ask 'what do we do?' She clutched her new Kyber Crystals to her chest and took a step back. “Master Luke!”

“What are you two doing here? Guinevere, didn't I tell you to stay away from this boy?”

“Master Luke I can explain! I can-”

“Enough!”My uncle yelled so loud his voice echoed into the caves, Guinevere tucked her chin into her chest. I could see tears welling in her eyes. “Guinevere, I am done playing around with you.” Master Luke grabbed her by the hand and pulled her away from me. “Uncle Luke, don't!” I begged him not to hurt her, she made little grunting noises as he pulled her with him toward the exit, leaving me behind. “You'll stay away from him, if I catch you with him again you're going to be expelled from the academy!”

“No!” Guinevere cried out, looking back at me. I could feel my heart shattering in to many small pieces. “Guinevere! Come back!” I said chasing after them, the sight of my uncle pulling her along behind him growing smaller in my field of vision. I could hear Guinevere crying, could feel an enormous wave of sadness coming from her wash over me. She loved the Jedi academy, and I feared she'd pick the academy over me. I fell to my knees, ran my hands through my hair, there was nothing more I could do.

Guinevere was gone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, before I began writing this I wasn't a huge fan of Ben Solo. Now, just as he's about to become Kylo, I find myself growing to love the poor conflicted boy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready, heads are going to roll.

Master Luke pulled me all the way from the Kyber Caves to the temple. He threw me into his office, he was furious. “Have you been lying to me this entire time Guinevere?” He yelled at me. I bowed my head down and cried; Cried for missing Ben, cried for disobeying Master Luke, and cried in fear of what was about to happen to me.

“Yes Master Luke, I've been seeing Ben.” My tears dripped loudly onto the tiled floor, there was no use lying to him, he knew Ben and I had been together even after he told me to stay away, twice. “What did I tell you about him? He is dangerous, plotting against us at the temple, he's going to hurt you!” I didn't want to believe a word he was saying, Ben didn't want to hurt me. To me, Ben was perfect. He wasn't mean, or angry, or going to the dark side, he was Ben.

“I'm-I'm sorry Master Luke! I'm sorry! Please don't kick me out of the academy! I'll do anything, just let me stay!”

“Would that include obeying my directions when I ask them first, and staying away from Ben Solo?” I hesitated, wondering how in the world I could keep away from Ben Solo when I was so attached to him and he was so attached to me. It was a terribly tough decision to make, I loved Ben and everything he had done for me, but my time at the academy was too much to lose. I didn't want to waste all the training I had done, waste the training I would be doing in the future. I wanted to be the great Jedi everyone had told me I would be!

I sniffed, felt my heart drop into my stomach as I vowed to Master Skywalker that I'd never speak or even look at Ben Solo ever again.

 

Days went by, months passed on and I had heard nothing from Ben in my head at all. I never saw him, never even heard anyone talk about him. I went about my days on my regular training schedule, having found someone to specialty train me with my saber staff. I was clumsy at first, being used to only using a singular sided hilt. But on my third or fourth month of training I had it down perfectly. I could use it offensively and defensively interchangeably in almost every battle. I felt like I was on top of the world when I kicked Master Skywalker to the curb and left him there.

The first few days I was hurt that Ben didn't try to contact me, it made me feel like he cared nothing about me and all that time we spent together meant nothing to him. Eventually, those thoughts made it easier for me to put my goals in place. I was not sent to the Jedi temple to be friends with Ben Solo. I was sent to the Jedi temple to become a Jedi.

So life without Ben went on, all the way up to my 16th birthday. I'll never forget my 16th birthday.

4 years. It had been 4 years without Ben. I had grown so much as a Jedi, mastered the art of looking into minds, stopping and holding objects with the Force, and was on my way to learning Fore manipulation. I hadn't given Ben any sort of thought until the morning of my 16th birthday.

Birthdays in the academy weren't really celebrated. Usually we got a slice of cake after dinner and sometimes our friends would be nice enough to get us little gifts such as jewelry or books or whatnot. So I woke up and got ready for my classes like I normally do when a voice flew through my head.

_Happy Birthday._

I didn't recognize it at first and truthfully wanted to ignore it. But then I remembered the only person that's ever talked in my head like that has been Ben.

_Ben?_

_Hi Guinevere._

I could hardly believe what I was hearing. This entire time he hadn't said a word to me, now he was contacting me?

_Where have you been Ben?_

_I've been here._

_What do you mean “here?”_

I grew frustrated, surely he couldn't have been talking about the Jedi temple. I hadn't seen hide nor hair of him and it seemed like no one else had either. For all I knew or cared, he had dropped right off the planet.

_In your head._

_Ben stop playing around. Where are you?_

_My uncle foolishly thought he could keep me locked away. Away from you and everyone else. I'll tell you more about it when I meet you tonight._

 

I didn't know why, but what he said sounded so evil, so sinister. My spine tingled and my skin broke out in goosebumps, suddenly I could feel all this dark energy. Lots of feelings of death and destruction. It made me horrified just standing in my dorm speaking with Ben in my head. Now, I _truly_ understood why Master Luke was telling me to stay way. I was just too young to feel it at the time I guess.

_I'm not meeting you._

That I knew for sure. Even if Ben had gone completely light and was absolutely perfect I'd never go back to him if it meant I was kicked out of the temple.

_What do you mean? I haven't seen you in so long._

_You heard what Master Skywalker said that day 4 years ago, Ben. I'm not meeting you._

It took quite some time for Ben to respond to me, at that point I was anxiously sitting on my bed imagining where Ben was and what he had done to accumulate all of that dark energy. Did Master Luke really lock him up? I could only see him caged to a wall, emaciated because maybe he couldn't get Ben under control. As much as I didn't like Ben at the time, it made me sad to think he was all alone like that.

_I'm seeing you tonight, Guinevere._

I felt my face go completely white, the amount of rage and anger I felt after hearing that was deafening. Ben was so angry that his anger made my own skin turn red and hot. It didn't seem like it was an option, Ben had something planned for me tonight whether I wanted it or not. I was terrified of what was to come, so I did the only thing I thought I could do: I went to Master Luke.

With fearful tears in my eyes I told Master Luke that Ben had contacted me and that I only felt anger and horrifying things. I told him about how I felt he had threatened me, and about how I didn't know what to do. Even with all of the self defense and lightsaber training I had received, I didn't think I could go up against all of the evil I felt in Ben.

Master Luke explained to me that he had to put Ben on lock down, basically. He was never allowed to leave his room and he had to have specialized training with Master Luke to keep him away from his other pupils. Ben had grown more dangerous after he was forbidden to see me, so Master Luke had to make sure we didn't come in contact at all-that included putting a special type of Force blocker on Kylo's neck so he couldn't reach out to anyone with the Force.

I listened carefully, then had a horrifying realization.

“Master Luke. Does-does that mean his necklace has been removed?”

Master Luke ushered me out of his office and told me to stay put in my room for the rest of the day, that it was the safest place for me at the moment. He had to find Ben and find out why the necklace had been removed, find out _who_ had removed the necklace too, because Ben wasn't strong enough to remove it himself.

So I sat in my room all day, rocking back and forth in fear of hearing Ben's voice in my head again telling me he had done bad things. Clearly, he was not acting alone with whatever he was doing. I tried to occupy my mind with things such as reading or writing, but I just couldn't calm myself. I was genuinely too terrified to think about anything else other than Ben and how sinister he had become.

I dozed off a few times, sat in my bed staring at the ceiling. After most of the day had gone by I figured Ben was done talking to me and he wasn't actually going to see me tonight. I relaxed just a bit, closed my eyes and decided to try and meditate my fear away. That plan was going well until it happened again.

_I'd get out while you can. I'm coming for you._

I panicked again, immediately jumped up and stalled. What was I supposed to do? I clawed at my face, tears free fell down my cheeks as my feet carried me in circles around my room. I didn't want to see Ben Solo, I didn't want him to come for me at all.

I had stopped circling my room when I smelled something peculiar. Smoke? Was someone smoking in the dorms? I went over to my door to see if someone was smoking something in the hallway when Ben interrupted me again.

_No. Look out your window._

I gulped, this would not end well for me. I slowly turned around and took small steps to my window. The closer I got the stronger the smoke smelled, at that point I knew what was going on.

Outside of my window was the most horrifying thing I had ever witnessed in my life. Everything was a blaze of orange and yellow. The field in front of the Temple was on fire and spreading quickly toward the temple. I screamed, immediately turned toward my door and ran straight for the exit.

As I moved further into the temple I found I smelled smoke once more, and a when I rounded the corner I was met with more fire. The crackling noises of the temple collapsing will forever be stuck in my ears. The heat was too much for me, I fell back as soon as I stepped foot in front of the fire. The entire temple was ablaze, it was going to burn down with me in it if I didn't find a way out soon. I remembered an exit in another part of the temple, it took me a while but I could fully envision it and where it was and how to get there. I covered my mouth with my hand and coughed a few times, the soot quickly filling my lungs to capacity and ran toward it.

_Relax. I'm coming to get you._

_No Ben! Stay away from me you monster!_

Ben hadn't said it in my head, but I knew he had set the temple on fire. I knew he had tried to kill every student in here. His dark energy told me so. He was a monster, a murdering monster that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with. I would have rather perished in this fire than be rescued by him.

As I was stumbling my way to the exit, I had tripped and fallen over something. The smoke was thick and heavy, burning my eye balls and I could hardly make it out. I had to press down on it to stand up, and when I did my hands touched something wet and squishy. When I brought them up to speculate what it was I looked on in horror as I realized it was blood. I looked down, there was a dead person sitting in front of me! I screamed at the top of my lungs and fell back on my behind, scooting away from the body. The smoke was so thick I couldn't make out who it was. When I got myself up I tripped over another body, then another, and another.

I sat screaming in a collective pile of blood from these people, someone had killed them! They didn't die from the fire, someone had murdered them with their own hands. As much as I wanted to look on and identify them or see if one of them was alive, a part of the roof fell down on one of them, ensuring now that they were dead. I stood terrified that whoever killed them was coming back to kill me too.

As if I was scarred enough, as I got up to run again I kicked something and it rolled two or three feet in front of me. Upon closer inspection, it was a head. The head of the girl I had bunked with for a while when the temple was full. It looked as if she was sleeping honestly, the hole in her neck told me her head had been sliced clean off with a saber. The image of her severed head sitting on the ground in front of me, body nowhere to be seen, caused me to vomit right there. I heaved, lungs burning with the soot and debris being sucked in in between my breaths. This could not be happening right now.

I had to step over more bodies to reach the exit, and when I did I literally threw myself through the door and onto the ground into the fresh air. I _clawed_ my way through the grass and away from the temple, luckily this section of the outdoors was not set on fire. I moved, coughing and crying and thinking I was still going to die somehow. Once I was a good distance away and had caught my breath I looked up at the dying temple. It was lit entirely on fire now and burning to the ground. My tears mixed with the ashes on my face, all those years of hard work and dedication Master Luke had put in was now gone at the hands of his own nephew, Ben Solo.

I screamed, couldn't believe Ben had gone this far down into the dark side that he would kill all of the Jedi students, including me! And what about Master Luke? Did he make it out? Was I the only one who made it out?

“Yes you were, I made sure of it.” Before I could even react to who it was, he stepped out in front of me on the grass. Tall, dark, brooding, evil. It wasn't Ben, there was no way that the man standing in front of me was Ben. Even though they looked and sounded exactly alike, he just simply wasn't Ben.

“Who are you?” He chuckled, his much longer hair hanging down and brushing his shoulders as he looked down at me. “Silly girl. You don't listen.”

“Stop! Just-Just tell me who you are!” I begged him, begged him not to be the Ben that I had fallen in love with. “I told you I was coming to get you, Guinevere. I told you to relax. But you didn't. What a shame. Did you see my handiwork inside?”

Handiwork. I rolled onto my side and got sick again as the sight of the girls severed head flew through my mind. “You're, you're not Ben. You can't be my Ben!” I curled into a ball away from him, he squatted down next to me and brushed a burned lock of my hair out of my face. “You're right, I'm not that weak underling. He's dead Guinevere. I've taken his place.” I tried scooting away from him, but he grasped me by my hip and held me there in the grass.

“I've moved onto bigger and better things, I'm now being properly trained by a master in the Force and I think you should be too. My uncle is no longer around to keep us apart, Guinevere, this temple is no longer standing for you to continue your training, we can be together. We can be great together.

“My new master, he can teach you how to be a thousand times more powerful than my uncle could have taught you. Look at what he did for me.” I opened my eyes and saw his face-hard and serious as stone. The temple was falling behind him, I could almost hear the frightened screams of my classmates as they were killed at the hands of this monster.

He held is hand out to me and asked me one more time to come with him, to which I screamed 'no' as loud as I could. “I would rather die!” I spit, rolling back into a ball. “Kill me first you monster, you fucking deplorable monster!”

I heard him giggle. He had the audacity to giggle during this entire situation. “Oh, Guinevere. Is this too much for you?” He ran his hand down my back soothingly, I found my body was receptive to the embrace. “Don't you know? We're Force bonded. I can't kill you.” My eyes widened in complete and utter disbelief. All this time we'd been Force bonded? It was something I suspected a long time ago when we first met but couldn't be so sure.

“We're Force bonded, that means we have to spend the rest of our lives together.” In a complete rage I turned my body toward him and spit upon his face, there was no way I'd spend the rest of my life with him. I would not allow myself to be tied to a murderer. He wiped my saliva off of his face and stared down at me, I could see the anger in his eyes at my defiance. “That's okay, Guinevere. Because I was serious about being in your mind. You have have some time to adjust, some time away from the new me. But just know that I'll always be there, in the cobwebs of your mind. You won't always feel me, but I'll be there.

“Every single move you make I'll see it, every word you speak, I'll hear it. I'll watch you until I'm ready to take you, and then you'll really be mine.”

He painfully gripped my shoulder and pinned me to the ground, using the Force to keep me from moving. “It won't be too hard on me, really. I have a little piece of you that I carry around.” He sounded so smooth, so relaxed like there wasn't a burning building behind him. “What-what do you-”

“Do you remember when your white crystal went missing?”

I was silent as the gears ticked in my head, and as he pulled out his lightsaber, the same design he showed me 4 years ago, my heart exploded in my chest with the realization. “It was _you_?!”

He smiled at me, then ignited his lightsaber. His blade came to life, red and jagged, crackling uncontrollably. My crystal sat inside, he had forced it to his will. Now it was bleeding for him, causing the saber blade to glow red with its blood. “Ben, how could you?! I trusted you!” I screamed again, feeling betrayed to no end now. He smiled as he put his saber at ease, bent down and wiped a tear away from my face.

“It's been fun catching up, Guinevere, but I must be going now. But before I do...” He crouched down next to my ear, whispering almost silently. “I should remind you who you belong to.” In one fluid movement he unclipped my saber from my belt and ignited it. With one huge swoop of his arm he brought the purple blade down upon my abdomen. I screamed at the top of my lungs, he did it again this time going vertically. “Oh _god_ Ben! Stop, please stop!” He sliced me with my own saber three more times, the wounds across my abdomen, chest, arms, and legs fresh and burning. I cried, thrashing my head back and forth and pushing on his Force hold trying to get away.

“My name is not Ben.” He shouted as he dug my saber into my belly one last time. He was being precise, as if he were writing something. I writhed in agony as he did, I could feel the tip of my blade touching my pubic bone as he took his time twisting and turning.

Once he was finished he threw my saber down at me, it hit my chest and rolled off of me and into the grass. “And don't you forget, Guinevere Zolar. I will be coming back for you, and when I do you're coming to the dark side with me. Even if I have to drag you back.”

Ben Solo was a ghost. Just as he mysteriously entered this situation he disappeared. I was left alone, burned, bleeding, broken. The only thing I could do was lay in the grass and hope to the Maker that I never ever saw Ben Solo, or whoever he turned out to be, ever again.

 


	5. Chapter 5

I watched Ben walk out of my eyesight, clutching the grass below me in a desperate attempt to ground myself. Everything felt like it wasn't real. It felt like I was tumbling around in a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from no matter how hard I tried. The stinging in my wounds, the heat from the burning temple, the smell of smoke, and the fresh memory of Ben Solo begging me to turn to the dark side with him. All of these sensations combined made me realize that this was reality, and I needed out as soon as possible.

I was stuck on the side of the temple, no one would have seen me to rescue me. I needed to get to the front if I wanted any chance to be seen. I didn't want to die alone.

So I began sliding on my back toward the entrance of the tower, it pained me and I was so weak that I didn't make it that far. My legs stopped moving once I had scooted five feet, I could vaguely make out a trail of my blood in the grass. I was going into shock, my entire body was trembling with both pain and fear, what if no one realized I was here? I had scoot further, dying was not an option. If I died, then Ben Solo won. No one would be around to speak of his crimes.

I almost contemplated pulling myself with my arms, but that would involve laying on my belly which would put my wounds in jeopardy of getting an infection. So I had to just scoot with my legs, go as far as I could. My heart beat banged in my ears, it mixed with the sound of the temple falling a part as it burned in front of me. It was so surreal, I wondered if anyone would find me if I stopped. I was in so much pain and was so exhausted, but I had to keep going if I wanted a chance to live.

So I scooted, screaming as I slid along the grass and as the dust, dirt, and soot collected on my face and body. I scooted a long until I heard something glorious above me:

“A survivor!”

My eyes shot open and, through my blurred vision, I saw someone standing above me. “We've got one survivor! I couldn't make out their face, but to me he was an angel. I reached my hands out to him, cupping his face and feeling his slightly prickly stubble. “Hel-help me!” I said. He squatted down next to me and pulled my shirt up. The look on his face told me that my wounds were horrid. “It's alright lovely, we're going to take care of you. We're going to save you.” For some strange reason, once he said “save you” I panicked, and panicked hard. I didn't think I needed saving up until that point. I think I realized then that my wounds were bleeding so bad, it was a strong possibility that my life could have ended right then and there.

But it didn't. Instead the man crouched next to me, held my hand an comforted me. I was in tears, fearing that Ben Solo had taken my life along with countless others. But every time I would even so much as whimper he'd shush me, run his fingers through my hair and tell me help was on the way. I just couldn't help but to relax when I was with him.

Help did eventually come, I felt them lift me onto a gurney and roll me away. I began drifting in and out of reality: one minute I was on a medical vehicle with many people trying their best to keep my wounds covered, the next I was laying on the grass outside of the temple watching my years of hard work be burned to the ground. Every time I found myself sitting back in the past I'd fight, fight as if I was actually dying in the grass once again. Kick, scream, cry, anything I could do to start moving myself through the grass and into the safety of the mans hands that rescued me.

We made it to some sort of hospital, where they tried to treat me. I had people asking me questions and people assessing my wounds. They asked me who burned the temple, asked me where Master Skywalker was, asked me how I got out, asked me who rescued me, asked how I got these scars, all the while there were lightning bolts of pain shooting through my abdomen. It was all too much to take in too soon and as soon as they wheeled me under the operating light and all I could see was the light I let everyone know what they wanted to hear:

“It was Ben Solo.”

 

Days. I spent days in the hospital recovering from my wounds. It wasn't just my physical wounds, the stitches keeping my flesh together from where Ben carved so carelessly into me, it was my emotional and mental wounds that kept me in the hospital. I saw a therapist, ate well, socialized as much as I could, but nothing really changed in me. I was terrified of Ben Solo and the threat he sung to me that fateful night about coming back for me when he thought I was ready. I would stay up crying all night long in my room because there was just no way to tell if and when he would make good on his promise.

He had always fulfilled his promises to me, I had no reason to believe he wouldn't fulfill this one.

Every day I wished we weren't Force bonded. I had my suspicions that we were bonded before all of this went down, he had just confirmed it for me. Being Force bonded to a murderer was going to be awful when the bond was strengthened. I'd probably be able to feel when he killed or plotted to kill, I'd feel the sick pleasure he got from killing, I'd probably even be able to feel the dark energy that surrounded him. One day, when I was reading a book all by myself in my room, a sudden and terrifying realization came to me:

Since I was Force bonded to someone who was now from the dark side, do I belong on the dark side?

The thought immediately brought a headache to my mind, I had to sit back and push the heels of my hands into my eyes to stop my head from exploding on the spot. I didn't want to go dark, I enjoyed fighting for the light, I enjoyed being a Jedi, I enjoyed doing good.

It was that very same moment that I made the biggest and most stressful decision of my life: I would not complete my Jedi training. The thought of becoming as monstrous as him brought tears to my eyes. How could someone that I saw so much good in be so evil in all actuality?

Honestly, I felt like I should have seen it coming. Ben loved to tell me about Darth Vader, the Sith, and the Empire all day long. I foolishly thought it was because he was proud of who he was and wanted me to know it. He could go on and on about how evil things, and I just sat there and took it. I mean, it was Ben. I never thought someone who loved and cared about me so much could go so Dark. I got too caught up in his looks and outer personality to see him for what he actually was.

I wish I never would have met him.

If I never would have met Ben, if I had just waited until the next morning to finish my light saber, we probably would have never discovered one another. We would have never found out we were bonded, he would have never taken such a liking to me. I have no doubt that he would have still burned the temple down, but at least I would have perished with it and wouldn't have to live in nervous agony as I waited for Ben to show his ugly face and steal me away.

“Good morning Ms. Zolar!” I turned my head to find my doctor coming into my room. I smiled as sweetly as I could at him while internalizing my annoyance and frustration with his inability to knock. “How are we feeling today?” I had thoughts about telling him what I wanted to do about my training, but I figured at best the person I should be talking about that to should be my therapist.

“The same.” I answered, watching him wash his hands and slip on some white gloves. “Good, good. How are your scars?” He asks me this question every day, and each time he did I had to give him the exact same answer as the day before: I really didn't know. Since the day the scars were set on me I hadn't looked, I was too afraid of what I would see and what I would be reminded of. I didn't want to see how the love of my life broke and marked me.

He rolled my gown up and examined my scars as he did everyday, commenting on how nice the wounds were healing and how the stitches should be dissolving out soon. Although today, he surprised me with a new question. “What does 'KR' mean?” My ears perked up and all of my attention was on him. “What does what? I'm sorry?”

“I've wondered for a few days, but didn't want to ask at the very beginning of your stay because I didn't want to upset you.”

“What do you mean?” I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. He raised his eyebrows at me, then took a look down at my abdomen. “Maybe you should take a look now.” He pointed his pen downward at my belly, and I immediately panicked. For some reason I wasn't getting the connection between his question and him telling me to look at my scars, I just stared at him like an idiot. Once I did, however, I understood fully. Ben had carved something into my flesh along with the lacerations and burns he did to mark me. Reluctantly, I took a look down the length of my body and was horrified at what I saw.

The four or five cuts Ben had given me were stitched, healing up just fine. There was no inflammation, no red skin, no puss, drainage, anything. Just my skin the black contrasting stitches.

What was horrific was the marks on the lower left of my abdomen, right on my pubic bone. There was angry, inflamed, raised red skin that seemed to be pulsating. No stitches, nothing to hold together the charred flesh. It was scabbed over, yellow, and blistered and draining clear fluids. What was even more morbid is it seemed to resemble two letters: a K and an R.

I screamed, the doctor fell back and was at my side covering my mouth. “Shhh! Shh, Ms. Zolar. It's going to be okay.” I began kicking my legs wildly, as if kicking would make the letters fly out of my skin. “What is that? Why is it on me?” I wasn't thinking, I was reacting. “It's okay! Ms. Zolar, calm down!” I tried to compose myself, had to tilt my head back and close my eyes to catch my breath. It was just so ugly, so disgusting, so scary, and put me through the terrible nightmare that was the last time I had seen Ben Solo.

Once I had calmed myself the doctor explained to me that the scar was so awkward, jagged, and small that he couldn't stitch it up. The best they could do for me was keep it covered with some gauze, apply antibacterial ointment, and hope it doesn't scar too badly. I was shaking with fear, I hadn't the slightest idea what KR meant, all I knew was Ben carved the letters into me so he must have known. Could it be code for something? Someone's initials? I really didn't know, and from the looks of it it would be on my body forever.

The doctor had left and I had some time for myself, some time to reflect on my newly discovered wounds and some time to relax. I no longer had nurses coming in every two hours to check my vital signs and spent most of my time alone. I often thought about Master Luke, he hadn't reached out to me via the Force since the temple burned, I feared the worst for him. I never saw his body lying lifeless next to the others either, I could only hope he made it out or perished in the fire. I hope he didn't die at the hand of his own nephew.

There was a knock on my door, I shouted “come in” thinking it was the dietary crew with my lunch. But no, I was wrong.

“Hi, miss!” I sat puzzled as a man walked into my room. Chocolate brown hair, thick black eyebrows, and short dark stubble decorated his face, he looked like such a friendly guy. “Don't you remember me?” I knit my eyebrows together as I tried my hardest to match his face with anyone that I knew. Was he one of my classmates at the temple? I shook my head, I had no idea who he was. He chuckled, then took both of my hands and placed them on his jawline. “Here, does this help?” I slid my fingers along his jaw, across his chin and back. It was as if I was massaging his jaw trying to recall where I know this man. Just as I was about to tell him he had the wrong room, it hit me like a speeder to the face:

This was the man that rescued me. Running my fingers over his face brought back the memories, how I could barely see him through the smoke. Now that I was getting such a good look at him I could appreciate him and his facial features so much more. “You, you saved my life!” Our smiles mirrored one anothers, and I realized a little too late that my hands were now cupping his face in adoration. Quickly, I brought my hands behind my back, thoroughly embarrassed by my actions. He didn't seem to mind, in fact by the look on his face he enjoyed having my hands on him. “The name's Poe Dameron.”

“Guinevere Zolar.” I smiled at him. “Thank you, again, for saving me. That night was-”

“Don't mention it, young lady. Glad to see you alive and well.” I could feel myself blushing and bashfully looked away. Poe was so charming and had such a trustworthy demeanor, I could look at him all day long. “You looked pretty rough back there, I just wanted to come see you, introduce myself and make sure you were alive and well.” I played with the hem of my hospital gown nervously under the table, so kind and caring. Just like-

“No problem. I'm-I'm on my way to recovery everyday!” Poe nodded his head once at me, then pulled up one of the chairs next to my bed. “You got somewhere to go after this? I know that the temple was basically everyone's home.” My face fell in cruel disappointment, it was the first time I had even thought about where I would go. My parents were on a different planet, they probably didn't know about the temple being burned down. I could go to them, but I had no way of contacting them at the moment. I would have to write them a letter and tell them I was coming home.

Suddenly, going home was horrid idea. Ben had killed everyone around me, leaving me isolated and torn a part. Who's to say he wouldn't slaughter my own parents just to isolate me even more? I shook but didn't want to worry or panic in front of Poe, he didn't need to see me frantic again. “No, I suppose not. But I guess I'll figure something out.” Poe looked down on the ground, then opened his mouth to say something but shut it shortly after. I watched as he stood and started to walk toward the door. “Well, if you need anything just have one of the staff members call me. You're on a Resistance base and I'm always around. It was good talking to you, Guinevere.” He took my small hand into his large one and lifted it to his lips. The kiss he placed on my knuckles was soft, cool, and comforting, it made my entire body break out in goosebumps with how good it made me feel. “You as well, Mr. Dameron.” I bid him goodbye and sadly watched him leave, how sweet of him to be thinking of me and checking up on me. He, a stranger, even making sure I had a place to go after I got discharged from the hospital. Something I didn't even think about! I rubbed my thumb over my knuckles, hoping Poe Dameron would come back and visit me again. He was exactly what I needed to get my mind off of Ben and the damage he caused.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish there was a way I could post little status updates and communicate better with you guys. I feel really bad that I've been away while doing my clinical rounds. I get home and immediately crash cause I have to wake up so early. A few days ago I had to wake up at 4 am and didn't make it home until like 6 pm D:


	6. Chapter 6

By my second to last day in the hospital I had written my parents a lengthy letter explaining everything that had happened to me, sent it out, and never heard back. I told them that I was being hunted by my childhood friend from the temple and there was no way I was going to come back home and risk their lives too. I knew they would be heartbroken, I had no idea when I'd be able to see them again either. I spent many nights crying after I sent that letter, my own parents were now out of my grasp because of Ben. I had no one.

My second to last day was also spent panicking. I had nowhere to go, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. I was on my own on a Resistance base full of people I didn't know. The dread was just now setting in, I was so alone. As I ate my breakfast I contemplated my options: maybe the Resistance would let me stay for a while, maybe one of their pilots would let me hitch a ride to a nearby planet and I could start a new life there. The entire thing made me extremely distressed, I had no idea what I was going to do or who I could go to for help.

As if to prove me wrong right on the spot, someone knocked on my door. It was Poe, he sauntered in with that same charming smile on his face. I smiled back as I greeted him, he of course made his way over to my bedside as he did the last time he was here. As he did I caught sight of a burgundy bag in his hand. “I brought you these.” He said cheerfully, handing the bag over. It was an average sized drawstring bag, and when I opened it I found an entire outfit: Black pants, white shirt and a light hoodie. “I didn't see you had any clothes for your discharge tomorrow, just thought I'd bring you some.”

“Thanks!” I exclaimed, pulling the clothes out to examine them more closely. The pants were thick, jean type and skinny, not something I was used to wearing but I was still thankful nonetheless. The shirt was plain white, had three quarter sleeves and was thick enough that no one would see my ruined flesh underneath. Lastly, the hoodie was grey with a gold Resistance logo on the back. I smiled as the feeling of community washed over me, I felt like I had become a member of the Resistance right then and there.

Just as I was about to place the clothes back into the bag I noticed more white cloth that I had missed at the bottom. As I grabbed it and pulled I was met with the familiar stiff feeling of underwire in a bra. Sure enough, that's what I pulled out along with some plain cotton panties. My cheeks warmed red instantly and my eyes snapped up to Poe, giving him a nervous glance. The fact that this man would know what kind of undergarments I would be wearing tomorrow was quite embarrassing. “Oh, um. I had a...a friend picked those...for you. I didn't.” I smiled at his awkwardness, looked back down into the bag and found a bar of purple soap, a purple sponge and wash cloth, a purple tooth brush, and a white tube of tooth paste.

“You'll need all of that stuff once you make it to your new place. Think of them as gifts from the Resistance.” Poe said to me as I packed everything neatly back into the bag. “How did you know my favorite color is purple?” I was genuinely curious, I never had this many purple items in the temple! “I didn't. We just had your lightsaber and saw it was purple. Thought it would make you more comfortable.”

My lightsaber?

_My lightsaber!_

My hand flew to my hip as if I was wearing my belt and would feel it, but it wasn't there. “Where is my lightsaber?!” Sudden climactic flashbacks of losing my white Kyber Crystal came back to me,the feelings of disgust knowing I looked to Ben for comfort when he was the one who took it from me bubbled to the surface as well. “Relax!” Poe said, gently taking the bag from my had and placing it on the floor next to my bed. “It's in good hands, our weapons tech is housing it for you. After what that boy did we needed to make sure it wasn't tampered with.” I took in a deep breath, centering myself and calming myself down. It was safe, the only thing I had left from the Temple is safe.

“Oh, thank you Mr. Dameron.” I said, leaning back on my cot and relaxing myself. There was a beat of silence between us, I was expecting him to say something to me but all he did was stare. He seemed to snap out of it though after a minute, shaking is head subtly and then starting up the conversation again abruptly.

“So, have you contacted your parents? Er, whoever it was that you were going to stay with?” He asked, turning to pull up a chair and sit next to me. “Yeah, my parents. I haven't gotten a reply yet though.” I shrugged, the feeling of hopelessness I had before Poe came to visit was beginning to cloud over me once more. “So, you're going to stay with them?”

“No, I don't think so. I'm kinda-” I stopped myself short, why was I telling this stranger all of this? He made me so comfortable around him that for whatever reason I felt like I could tell him every little detail of my life. He raised his brows at the first part of my answer, urging me to go on. “I guess I'm just afraid of going back home.”

“Oh?”

“Cause of the whole Ben Solo thing.” He looked confused. “You think he'll hurt your parents?”

“I don't know. He said he was coming back for me.” I hugged my knees to my chest, the terrifying image of Ben standing over me that night was forever burned into my mind like the K and R in my skin. There was more silence, but in my head I could vividly hear, see, and smell the burning temple, it was as if my torment would never end. “Well, you won't have to worry too much about that, Guinevere. You can stay with us for a few, in the Resistance. We'll take care of you, we'll make sure Ben doesn't lay a hand on you.” I looked at him dumbfounded, I didn't believe he had said what he actually said. “You mean, I can stay? I can stay here?” He chuckled at me. “Well, I can't let you stay in the hospital, but you can stay within the four walls of the Resistance.” Honestly all I wanted to do was rub his beard, two out of the three times I had met him I had felt his scruffy beard, it was like a weird greeting between this stranger and I.

“Oh thank you Mr. Dameron!” I exclaimed, beginning to tear up. For the first time in forever, the tears that fell from my eyes were tears of joy. “Please, call me Poe. And you dont have to thank me, you're the last standing Jedi, we need you.” And then the painful truth set in: I really was the last Jedi.

 

The next day, at exactly 9 am just like Poe told me, I stood at my hospital room door waiting for him to come and take me to my temporary home. I was dressed in my outfit plus a pair of flats I was gifted by one of the nurses. My hair was all tied up and I had my backpack on, I was ready to get out of the little room I was forced to stay in for a week.

Before I left, however, I thought long and hard about what a huge change this would be for me. I would go from being around people my age and people I grew up with to being around adults that I had never met before. Before there would always be someone around to teach me and point me in the right direction, now I would for sure be on my own.

I never thought I'd be completely on my own at the young age of 16.

I was still healing from the physical and psychological scars that were bestowed upon me by Ben, I had honest doubts that I could support myself.

An innocent thought crossed my mind, maybe Poe would let me stay with him for the time being. He was the only person in the Resistance that I had said more than a handful of words to, he must know that I would be most comfortable with him. He was practically my only friend.

Of course, at the time I wasn't thinking about him and his image, about how I was underage and he was likely in his late 20s or early 30s. Or about how I didn't know him at all, I didn't know if he had a wife or a girlfriend, or a house, or a job, or anything like that. Truthfully I just didn't want to be alone.

When he did show up, he was smiling as always. I stood from my bed, clutching my drawstrings to my shoulders. “Ready to get out of here?” I nodded happily, then followed him out the door. When I crossed the threshold it felt as if I was leaving my life at the temple behind and starting over brand new in the arms of the Resistance.

 

Poe showed me around the compound. There was an air field, a central command center, droid repair center, recreational areas, and much much more. My worry about Poe not knowing about my age ended when he took me to a diner on the compound for lunch. He ordered us two beers, I had never had beer before and was kind of excited to try it, obviously I couldn't go out and get it myself since I was too young.

When it arrived and we went to order our food I took a sip and immediately regretted it. The taste of alcohol was so sharp, so nasty, I couldn't understand how people could knock these back over and over again to the point of being drunk! However, I didn't want to be rude and decided to swallow small mouth fulls till I just could no longer take it. Lunch was a gift from my new friend, I didn't want to take it for granted.

Poe and I made small talk, mostly him making fun of me for the funny faces I was pulling while slowly chugging my beer down. “So, how old are you now? 14, 15?” He asked jokingly, leaning back and taking a good look at me from over his glass. I swallowed, then told him I was 16. He choked on his beer, nearly dropping the glass on the floor and looked at me wide eyes. “You're only 16?” He asked, leaning forward and almost pushing the table at me. I nodded, did I really look that much older? He stared at me, looked at the glass of beer, then around the room. “Give me that.” He said as he slid the beer back to him.

The conversation awkwardly moved on to idle chit chat as the food arrived, and when it did Poe told me about my living arrangements for the time being. “Because you're underage you're going to live in a foster family. We don't usually get foster kids in the Resistance, but we think we've found you a good family to live with. You're free to stay with them for as long as you want, or you can leave whenever you feel you're ready. No rush! After you turn 18 we can get you moved into your own apartment, rent free as long as you pick up a profession. Good deal?”

“Good.” I said, we shared a smile once again, the sense of community was coming back once more and I couldn't have been more excited. Mostly because the concept of being in a family was quite foreign to me, I hadn't seen my actual family in quite sometime. Sure mom and dad would come visit me at the temple every few months, but at the end of each day I'd still go back to my little dorm room all by myself.

Once we finished eating Poe took me through the neighborhoods until we got to a small brick house that sat atop a hill. “Here it is, Guinevere. Your foster home.” My heart fluttered. I was all of the sudden super nervous, which I'm sure was to be expected of me. Poe placed his hand on my back and led me up the hill to the house. He knocked on the door and we stood there silently until a man answered the door. “Dameron! Good to see you!” They gave each other a single arm hug, then the mans eyes turned to me. “This must be our foster daughter. Gwen, right?”

“No sweetie, her name is Guinevere.” A warm motherly voice rang out from behind him and a shorter woman appeared holding a pot of food in both of her hands. “Hi there honey, how are you doing today?” I nodded my head at her, but before I could reply I was set back just a tad by four tiny little arms hugging my legs. “Look! She's here! Mama our Foster Sister is here! Gwennie our Foster Sister is here!” They were screaming, practically vibrating with job at seeing me. “H-hi there.” I said, not really knowing how to react to this situation. The children were young, no older than five or so. It had been a long time since I was around children that young-I was just a child myself.

“Well come on in! Let us show you around Guinevere.”

“Mama, can I show Gwennie to her room please? She needs to see her room!”

“Now, now. Let's give Gwennie a break. She's had a long day and she needs some rest.” My foster mother said, pulling the kids away from me. “Sweetie, show her to her room. Make sure she's comfortable.”

“Will do.” My foster father said. “Come on in, Guinevere.” He stepped aside and I stepped in into the small home. As I was following him to my room Poe grabbed onto my hand. “Hey, good luck kid. I'll see you later.”

“Thanks Poe.” I smiled at him, he grabbed onto my wrist and pulled me into a friendly hug. I giggled, when was the last time I had even had a hug? When was the last time I was surrounded by so many friendly people? It was surreal, and I drank in every ounce of kindness from all of these people.

While Poe was hugging me he whispered something in my ear, something I wouldn't come to understand until much, much later:

“I'll wait for you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every once and a while, I would mistype Poe as Pie. Lol.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was difficult to write, I've never written Poe and the relationship was kinda iffy too since there wasn't really one there.  
> Things should go smoothly from now on since it's nothing but Kylo! :D

Life with my foster family on the Resistance base never ended. I lived with them for three years, three long years. After the first year I stopped telling my foster parents I was going to leave as soon as I could and just started to relax. They weren't pushing me out, in fact the last time I asked my foster mother told me I could stay for as long as I need to. I never did hear back from my real parents. It broke my heart to no end, but I figured it was because they were just as afraid as I was. As badly as I wanted to hear from them, I wanted them to stay alive much more. I didn't want Ben to find them.

Every year on my birthday I mourned the loss of my comrades from the Temple. Out of all the days Ben could have picked, I questioned why it had to be a day so near and dear to my heart. On the one year anniversary I didn't even celebrate my birthday, all I did was cry the entire day alone in my room. My foster family baked me a cake and got me gifts, but I just couldn't accept them that day. I couldn't celebrate a day that was so bloody-even if it was my own.

The following years were a bit better, especially on my 19th birthday when Poe Dameron had shown up to my door. I had seen him in passing a few times and we even got to chat here and there when we saw each other, but he always seemed to keep his distance. Today, he carried with him flowers and a gift-all for me!

“Happy birthday kid!” He said. He smiled that same charming and friendly smile, his hair and clothes were all the same. He was the same Poe that had came to check up on me in the hospital when I was 16. I smiled a huge toothy grin, accepted the gifts he gave me and hastily invited him inside.

We sat in the living room after I briefly yelled upstairs to my foster mother that Poe was here for a visit. The flowers were gorgeous, an array of daisies that were dyed all different colors wrapped in soft pink tissue paper. “Oh they're so colorful! I've never seen someone dye flowers before like this.” I said to him, going to the kitchen to retrieve a vase. “Yep, I picked every single one of them from a separate field, all different fields so I could make a beautiful bouquet.” I giggled, Poe was such a clown. “Well the dye staining my hands certainly thinks you did a very fine job!”

I returned with the flowers and set them on the table beside me, fixing them so they bloomed out and weren't all touching each other. “They're so perfect Poe. Thank you so much.” I turned back to him as he handed me a small, velvet, purple box. “Happy birthday, once again.” He said sort of nervously. I wondered why he was so nervous, then it occurred to me what normally came in these small boxes. I glanced at him, he gave me another unsure smile. “What is this?” I giggled, trying to hide my own nervousness and embarrassment. “It's your birthday gift.” He replied, fiddling with his fingers. He obviously expected me to open it, even though I feared it was something that would change what little of a relationship we had forever. Regardless, I grasped the cap and slowly opened the soft hatch. Poe had his eyes glued to me the entire time, waiting to see what I thought of the item that was inside.

Much to my surprise and relief, there wasn't a ring inside of it. It was a necklace.

My jaw dropped as I stared at the small, shiny, purple heart that sat atop of plush black pillow. It was attached to a thin silver chain and had my birth date etched into it with the words “Happy birthday Guinevere Zolar.” on it. “Oh my-!” I said, pulling the heart gently from the pillow. “Your family had told me about how tough your birthdays are on you. I just wanted it to be a reminder that, while that date does have another tragic event attached to it, that it's also _your_ special day.”

I was smiling like an idiot, sure my foster parents reminded me every year of the same ordeal, but it just wasn't the same as hearing it from Poe. I looked up at him, at that point I knew the dynamic between him and I changed.

And I realized it changed in the same way it did with Ben. I didn't have the tinglies go up my spine, and my skin didn't prickle as it did when we were Force bonded (presumably because Poe did not use the Force as I used to), but I could feel my emotions start to flare up. I wasn't in love with him, the concept of love was permanently damaged in my mind. But I was maybe just getting more comfortable than I should have been getting with him-more relaxed than I was before. Poe Dameron was just an acquaintance before this, now I would say he's moved to being a close friend.

“So, three years ago I told you I'd wait for you, and I did. Did-Do you maybe want to go out for an actual date today?” Although I was terribly cautious of this new advancement in our relationship, I accepted his offer. How bad and how far could one small birthday lunch date go?

 

One lunch date turned into another the following week, and another, and then twice a week, to seeing Poe almost every day. Whether it was hanging out at my house or spending time at the library, or just simply going on a walk, Poe and I were always together. Every day I wore the necklace he got for me, and although at first I thought it would do nothing to help I realized it was helping me every day. Whenever I thought of Ben or the fall of the Temple I would clutch it tight to my chest. When I thought of the awesome friendship Poe and I shared the thoughts would float away, and I'd remember that he was thinking of me and my birthday that day instead of Ben, and I'd be content once more.

However, there were times when the necklace could not help me get away from Ben.

It started one night just after I turned 18. It was a normal night in every way, I said goodnight to my foster family, polished off my now docked saber on my bookshelf, changed into my sleeping clothes and drifted off into sleep.

I had drifted into the dream world and was running through a pitch black room. I could see my feet and hear my heavy breaths, could feel the wind on my face but didn't know what I was running from. I just kept running and running and running. “He's coming! He's coming you have to get away!” I heard echoed in the background. I didn't know who was talking, it sounded like a little girl. Even so, I ran into the darkness like my life depended on it.

Suddenly there was a wall of fire in front of me. I could feel the heat, hear the blaze, smell the soot. Wooden planks were falling from the roof around me, some were even on fire or burnt. I stumbled back from the fire, falling on my backside and scooting away, I could feel the fear and anxiety in my chest. When the fire died down and the smoke cleared away, there in front of me stood Ben Solo. Dressed in all black and carried what seemed to be a black bucket or bowl or something under his arm. “He's here! He's here! Oh no, he's here!” The little girl in the background screamed at me. Ben's face held a neutral gaze as he stared at me, but it was Ben alright.

“Ben, no! Leave me alone!” I said as I tried to scoot back, but I was frozen in place. I sat in complete fear and agony, Ben was walking closer and closer to me, his face morphing into a sinister smile. His hands reached for me and everything went dark. The little girl in the background screamed, and the last thing I heard was Ben whisper:

“I'm coming for you, Guinevere.”

 

Those nightmares continued nightly. Ben would torture me in many ways; holding me under water, choking me, pushing me out of a moving X wing or TIE fighter, knocking my teeth out, or just chasing me wherever I was. There would always be the same little girl crying out to say “he was coming” and “he's here” and screaming, and then Ben would always whisper in my ear at the end that he was still coming for me. Some nights I'd wake with my necklace clutched hot and sweaty in my palms, but nearly every night I'd wake a hot mess of sweat and sometimes tears. Ben was haunting me.

I never told anyone about the dreams, not even Poe. I probably should have, my foster mother, my therapist, Poe, someone. But I was just too afraid. I had done so much healing with the help of my foster family and Poe in my three years in the Resistance and I didn't want to go back to being asked over and over again about that traumatic night, it wouldn't do me any good.

So I suffered alone for three years with the nightmares, Ben came to visit me every night. And every night I'd wake in a cold sweat, terrified of the new way Ben would tell me he was going to come take me away.

Things got even worse when I moved out of my foster families home and into my own apartment. Not only were my dreams massacred by Ben, but so were my day time thoughts. I felt like Ben was watching me at all times. I was constantly looking over my shoulder, thinking that Ben was hiding in the shadows in my bed room, standing behind a tree, mixed in with the crowd, I never felt like I was truly alone.

I knew we were Force bonded, and I knew he was much stronger in the Force than I was since I ceased my training. I knew deep down in my heart that Ben could have been keeping an eye on me, it made me live in constant fear.

Poe, however, often got my mind off of my superstitions and negative thoughts. Even if it was just for a while I cherished every second I got to spend with my dear friend. When I got my own place he spent lots of time hanging out, watching movies and eating and the like. I always enjoyed having him over so I didn't feel as lonely as I did when Ben was on my mind every second of the day.

One day I had to come face to face with an issue in our relationship that was bothering Poe and myself: the lack of relationship we had. Poe had a bowl full of cheesy flavored chips and I had a tub of ice cream, we were both sitting on the couch finishing up a really good movie when he set the bowl down on the floor, made a really stupid comment about the classic lovely couple ending. We both laughed, but just before I could get up to put the ice cream back in the freezer Poe reached for my hand, pulling me back down.

“So, you know we've been kinda seeing each other for a while now? And I don't want to hurt our-you know...what we have, going on here by asking this, but-” I straightened my back, looking him in his deep brown beautiful eyes and waiting anxiously for what he had to say. “Would you mind if, if you-gah. I don't know how to ask this!” He said, standing up and taking a step toward the door. “Poe, what's the matter?” I asked him, genuinely interested in what he had to say.

“Guinevere, would you mind being in a relationship with me?”

I felt the color drain from my face, never in a million years would I have thought Poe, my best friend, and actual savior, would ask such a thing. Poe was staring at me, silently demanding an an answer to his question. The truth was that I didn't know what to tell him.

Yes, I loved Poe with all of my heart, but I didn't think I was capable of loving him the way he wanted me to. I had already fallen head over heels in love with a murderous man that I was Force bonded to. Said man took my emotions and stomped them to the curb, completely destroying my outlook on life and love.

I knew Poe wouldn't hurt me, he was just too nice. He never lashed out or angrily made demeaning comments to people like Ben often did, he just didn't seem to have a bad or vengeful bone in his body.

But that still didn't stop the the small doubt in the back of my mind that I didn't even know was there originally from growing bigger and wider in my mind. The doubt grew so big that I decided that love was lost on me. Better to not love and get attached to anyone at all than to love someone and have them destroy you and everything you worked for as Ben did.

I hesitated, I knew it would just break Poe's heart to tell him how I felt, but there was no other way around it.

“I, I want to, Poe. I really want to. But, but I just-” I let out an exasperated sigh, the tears welling up behind my eyes blurred out Poe's image. I was almost thankful that I didn't get to see the look of disappointment flush on his face. “I just can't. I'm afraid.” Poe rushed over to me, put his fingers under my chin and lifted my face toward him. “Afraid of what?”

“Afraid of, you.” He knit his eyebrows into the center of his forehead, he was confused. “I don't understand, why are you afraid of me?”

“I'm afraid of what you might do to me.” I moved my face out of Poes hand and turned away, succumbing to my sobs. “Guinevere, what do you mean? I would never hurt-”

“I know, Poe. I know you won't hurt me. I just, I loved Ben. I really really loved him. He took my love an turned it into an obsession, he told me he'd never hurt me too and then turns around and nearly kills me all while murdering everyone else around me! I can't take that chance again, I just can't.” I trailed off into my sobs, collapsing down onto the couch and burying my head into my arms. I heard nothing from Poe, and honestly thought I had completely ruined what we had going for us. “Poe, I'm sorry. I can't be what you want me to be, I'm sorry.” I lifted my head and was surprised to see Poe squatting down next to me, looking me right in my eyes.

He looked so sad, I could see in his eyes that he was so upset, it only made the situation worse. “Hey, hey it's alright kid.” I tucked my head into my arms again, in turn Poe ran a hand down my back soothingly. “It's not your fault, I understand.” My sobs slowed, I was grateful that he knew where I was coming from and knew why it just wouldn't work. “Look at me, Guinevere.” He said. I followed his order, sniffing loudly. “There's nothing you need to worry about, okay? It's not the end of the world. We can still be friends. I promise.” He tucked a loose lock of hair behind my ear and wiped a newly formed tear from my cheek. He was so gentle and soft, so loving and kind. I wanted so badly to trust him, to trust that he could love me and that I could love him back. But I couldn't, my trust for others died along with everyone else in the temple, at Ben's hand.

 

_You're damn right._

I squeezed my eyes shut, ignoring the hallucination of Ben's voice. He wasn't there, he couldn't be talking to me right now.

 

Months went by, Poe and I never spoke again about what went down at my apartment. We fell into our normal rhythm once more, as per usual Poe found himself at my apartment one afternoon. He was playing with my staff saber, igniting it and turning it off over and over. Every time he went for my saber I had to warn him about the first time he turned it on, literally burning a section of his shirt off because he didn't realize it was a staff and not a single blade.

“Have you thought about taking up a profession since you've decided you didn't want to continue your training? You must get bored when I'm not around.” I shrugged my shoulders as I dropped a plate of mango on the table in front of him. “Never thought about it. I just was expecting to go back to my parents eventually.” It wasn't a complete lie. I was expecting someone to come and take me away from the Resistance, it wasn't my parents.

“Well, you know what I think you'd be good at? Diplomatic adventures.” I took my saber from him and placed it back on its stand on my shelf, it always made me nervous when other people touched it. It was my most prized possession, the only thing I had left from the Temple. “Ha! What makes you say that?”

“Well, you're just really good at keeping the peace and debating most of the time. Seems as though whenever we have a disagreement about something you're always really good at diffusing the situation and changing my mind to your decision.”

We both sat down at the table and reached for a slice of mango, the light arguments we had about where to go out or what to do or what to eat never crossed my mind very often, but I guess he had a point. I'm a very level headed person and can often see both sides of the same argument, I had never thought of being a diplomat before.

“You really think so?” I asked him, licking some juice off of my lips. “Oh yeah, Guinevere. When I was told there was a position open I immediately thought of you and your persuasive mannerisms.” I lifted my brows at him, I wasn't even aware that our previous diplomat had resigned. “They're looking for someone young, someone that can keep the position for a long time and do it well. I'd apply if I were you.” I shrugged again, I mean it wouldn't be a terrible idea. “No harm in trying, I guess. Where am I supposed to go?”

 

Poe took me to the Base Hall where I filled out an application. Everyone there knew me, everyone on the base knew me as the last standing Jedi, the Jedi that Ben Solo could not bring down. As I was filling out my app everyone walking by that inquired what Poe and I were doing there agreed with him that I had the perfect personality and temperament to be a Resistance diplomat. I handed in my application with a smile and Poe and I were on our way back to my place to chill.

Two days went by, I dreamed of Ben harming Poe for the first time. He killed him just like he killed the others, burned his house to the ground and then came for me. The dreams always made me bawl my eyes out, Poe didn't deserve to die because of me! It terrified me to no end that I'd wake up and find out that one of these new dreams had become a reality and my best friend would be found dead the next day.

After two days of brand new nightmares I got a knock on my door one day. Someone new stood at my door step and my heart immediately jumped into my throat. I feared Poe had been killed, that my dreams had somehow become a reality. “Hi, er, Guinevere Zolar?” The man scowled at me, like he was unsure of himself. “Yes, that's me.”

“Hi, I'm Jake from the Base Hall, you had applied for the diplomatic position that was open?” I nodded my head, secretly not caring about what he had to say about my employment opportunity. I needed to know that Poe was alright.

“Well, I was sent to tell you that they've decided that you've been chosen to Represent the Resistance. Are you still interested in the position?” His words went in one ear and out the other for the most part. I managed to get that I now had a job, but Poe was on my mind. I listened to him ramble agreed to meet at the Base Hall tomorrow morning to fill out my acceptance paperwork, and once he was finished and gone I sprinted to Poe's house.

I banged on his door and got no answer, fearing the worst I banged more and more, panicking more by the second. I must have frantically knocked on his door for nearly five minutes before I realized that it was Thursday and Poe worked at the flight field on Thursdays. I took a deep breath, composed myself, and then nearly ran all the way to the air field.

I found Poe working on an X wing, of course. When I finally laid eyes on him I took a big sigh of relief, smiled at him just a bit. He always had that beautiful small grin on his face, even when he was getting his hands dirty doing what he loved to do. There's not a lot of people who smile at work like him, it was one of the qualities that I loved about him.

He rolled out from under the X wing and spied me staring at him, his smile grew as he waved me over. I never told him I was visiting the airfield today so I knew it was a pleasant surprise for him. “Guinevere! What are you doing here?” He said as he hugged me. “I-I had a bad dream...and...and...” I couldn't even finish my sentence before Poe grasped my chin and forced me to look at him. “Hey, it's alright. I'm here.” Poe's face softened, I could tell he was worried about me and my state of mind. It wasn't much, but the small affirmation that he was alive and his physical touch calmed me, he was standing right in front of me alive and well.

“I knew the dream wasn't real, but when that guy knocked on my door-I don't know Poe. I was just worried is all. I wanted to see you.” I tried my best to smile, but it didn't cut it before my tears started to flow slowly down my face. “I'm sorry.” I apologized, Poe wiped a tear off of my face. “It's okay, Guinevere. I don't mind you visiting me at work, you know that.” I sighed, Poe was so nice. In that moment I felt how close we were. We weren't a couple, but in every way shape and form I felt so drawn to him. I knew Poe cared about me so much, I could even say he loved me.

I just wished so bad that I was capable of loving him back.

“What guy knocked on your door?” Poe interrupted my thought. “Oh, this guy from Base Hall. I hadn't seen him before. That's why I came rushing over here.” I saw Poe's eyes light up, his face went from concern to joyous. “Was that for the diplomatic position you applied for?”

“It was...” The smile that spread across my face couldn't be stopped by the tears now drying on my cheeks. I bit my lip as I told him I was chosen for the position. He smiled really big, scooped me up into his huge arms and spun me around. “See? I told you that was the perfect position for you! Congratulations. I'm so proud of you!” Poe said, setting me down but keeping a grip on my waist. We were both so close to each other, he had an iron clad grip on my hips. If anyone had seen us standing together they would have thought we were about to kiss.

As if Poe realized that's what I was thinking he let go, sending his arms flying behind his back. He cleared his throat and excused himself, bidding me goodbye and saying he'd see me tomorrow. He was embarrassed, and I was left standing there wishing he would have kissed me. I could have really used it in that moment.

 

I went on to be a diplomat for three more years, I loved my time working for the Resistance. Every day there was always something new that I learned about a certain planet. I had also learned over 14 different languages. I would often go to new planets to negotiate treaties and trade deals as well as speak on behalf of the Resistance about collecting their planets as territories. I've come across great leaders that were more than happy to join our side of the war with nothing in return and horrid dictators that wanted nothing to do with us. Sometimes my job was dangerous, sometimes we'd have to flee with a massive army chasing after us. One time one of my security guards had to step out in front of me because they saw someone shot at me. I was at the hospital every day with him making sure he healed efficiently and quickly.

 

My life in the Resistance changed, however, when I was visiting a common planet. I was negotiating a trade deal with that planets president and he was happily signing over the rights to his crops and his ore for protection against the First Order. As I was explaining what our trade deal entailed I got a sudden headache, a headache so bad I had to stop talking momentarily and hold my forehead.

“Ms. Zolar, are you feeling okay?” The president asked me in his native language. “Yes, President Majors. I'm fine.” I sat myself up and placed the packet we were going over in front of us again. “Now, where were we?

“We'll have 12 ground troopers stationed at each of these sections of your planet. We'll put an air strip here, and-Oh!”

Another sudden sharp headache hit me, this was coupled with a heavy wave of nausea. I rapidly stood from my chair, uttering “forgive me” to the president as I made my way to the bathroom.

I vomited into the toilet once, sat there profusely sweating for like ten minutes until I felt slightly better. I didn't know what had come over me so quickly, I was fine this morning and when I got to the planet. I worried that I may have been drugged when the President's staff offered me a cup of water, but that was nearly two hours ago-there's no way it would just be hitting me now.

My head was pounding, I could barely look straight as I stumbled out of the stall to throw some water on my face. I looked at myself in the mirror, I looked fine, perfectly normal. I just decided that I would quickly end the deal with the President and quickly make it back to my hotel where I'd be evaluated by a medic.

Just as I was making my way out of the bathroom I got yet another headache, vomited again, and collapsed to the floor in agony. I let out a low growl that was supposed to be a call for help as I rolled onto my back, terrified of what was going on with me.

 

_I can't believe my luck_

 

What was that? Another hallucination?

 

_You're here._

 

Ben?

“Ben?”

 

_Stay right where you are this time. I'm coming to get you._

 

From outside of the door I heard people running and screaming.

“The First Order is here!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow ya girl on twitter   
> @NoirJenn


	8. Chapter 8

 

Kylo Ren rose from the ashes of Ben Solo. Kylo Ren is great, powerful, and strong. Kylo Ren is the commander of the First Order, Master of the Knights of Ren. And Kylo Ren will get his girl.

I didn't know I would come across her today, if I did I would have come much better prepared. When I landed I felt her. It was hard to describe, the familiar tingle down my spine is what tipped me off. I didn't even recognize it was her until I reached out and heard her thoughts. She was thinking on resources, where soldiers would be placed. I grew increasingly proud of her when I realized she was now a diplomat in the Resistance. She had come such a long way, from being a terrified little girl when I had last seen her to growing into a smart young woman.

I immediately latched onto her Force signature, much weaker than I expected it to be at her age. It had been so long since we had seen each other, I was expecting her to have grown in the force as well. After all, her fate included ruling the galaxy hand in hand with me, she'd have to be stronger.

All of that didn't matter, however. I needed to get my hands on her first.

I commanded she stay where she was, although I had my doubts that she actually would. I followed her Force signature as far as I could, stomping my way through the President's palace and nearly killing anyone that got in my way. I could feel the horror running through her veins, and I could feel her nearly getting away from me. She was running as fast as she could, huffing and puffing and panicking, but I wasn't going to be as generous as I was last time, Guinevere was coming back with me whether she wanted to or not.

 

_Ben, no! Stay away!_

 

Her requests were in vain, she might as well have a giant target on her back because I was gunning for her. Her force signature was like a scent and I was a blood hound, following her every footstep. She originated from the bathroom on the third floor, I followed her all the way down the hall, down the first stair case, through the grand arches and into the kitchen. I felt calamity, could feel her anxiety as she stopped in the kitchen momentarily. As I approached my heart pounded, I was finally going to be able to see my princess after years of missing her every day.

I pushed the doors open with the Force, they swung so hard they flew off of the hinges. I looked around desperately, but Guinevere was no where to be seen. What was there, however, was a completel mess. Fruits and vegetables were all over the floor, pots and pans were out of place, and drawers and cabinets were open. A Fridge was also knocked over in front of the other door to leave into the dining room, it was a confusing scene. Cowering in the corner was a chef, he had stains all over his uniform and looked as if he had seen a ghost.

“A woman ran through here. Where did she go?” The man didn't think twice, he pointed toward the door in behind the fridge as he quivered in fear. “I swear that's all I saw, Commander Kylo Ren! She ran in and looked at me like she was being killed. Then she took all of the kitchen stuff and threw it onto the floor. On her way out she-she pushed the fridge in front of the door! Please don't kill me!” I didn't let the man speak another word to me. Using the Force, I picked the fridge up and threw it behind me as I marched into the dining room. I heard the man stop crying as the Fridge landed, had he died at my hand? Who knew, I was on my way to finding her.

 

_You can run, but you can't hide Guinevere._

 

_Please Ben! Please! I'm begging you, leave me alone!_

 

I smiled under my helmet, first she tried to hinder me on my path to her, now she's begging me to leave. Hadn't I told her I'd come back for her eventually? Why was she so surprised? I picked up her Force signature and continued to trail her, I felt like I was so close to holding her in my arms again.

She ran through the dining room and out into the ball room, in the ball room she had knocked over a shelf in front of the door on her way out. How cute. I pushed it aside and moved forward, through the hallways once again and out into the main room. That's when I first caught sight of her.

She was gorgeous. No longer the small child when we first met, no longer the teenage girl that I had a crush on. She was grown, developing wonderfully, and matured beautifully. She had long blonde hair that was cut a lot cleaner. She was wearing a white dress that accented her curves deliciously. She didn't seem to have grown in height or weight, she was still my Guinevere.

As she was pulling on the giant front doors to open them she must have sensed me cause she turned around. Although she had an intense look of fear on her face it brought me joy to see that it was her. My Princess, my Guinevere, my strong and powerful Guinevere.

“Stay back! Stay away from me!” She shouted. I could see the tears streaming down her face, her emotions were running wild with fear and terror so much so that I was afraid as well. She was so strong, I had to have her. Instead of freezing her like I should have done I simply stared to walk toward her. Part of me just wanted to give her one last chance, one chance to give up and submit or one chance to get away. She was desperately pulling on the door, looking from me to her only escape route.

I said nothing as I watched her finally pull the door open wide enough to slip herself through. I could feel her for signature fade into the fields and trees outside, she was so determined to get away that it made me laugh. As I stepped into the sun outside I doubled down on her, sending her images of us from our childhood in order to slow her down. She had her fun, now it was time to get serious.

 

–

 

At first sight Ben looked like a ghost as he always was. Dressed in nothing but all black with a solid black helmet on his head he was like a creature from someones nightmares. I ran as fast as I could throughout the palace from him, knocking things over in order to slow him down as best as I could. Once I got to the double doors downstairs I hit a wall almost literally, the doors were way too heavy. Normally a pair of heavy set guards opened the doors for the people who come and go, so I was no contender to these massive doors.

As I was using all of my might to pull and pull the doors opened I felt him. He was just quietly observing me from behind on the stair case. When I turned around and saw him it felt as if my heart had fallen several stories into the pit of my stomach. My force abilities told me it was him, there was no mistaking it. He was menacing, and as he started walking toward me I felt a tremendous feeling of dread. I pulled on that door like my life depended on it-because it did. I eventually got it open just a tad, enough to just barely slip my body through and run like wild out into the open.

 

I ditched my shoes fifteen minutes into the woods, once I reached the woods in front of the palace. My feet and legs ached to high heaven, I was breathless and my lungs felt as if they were on fire, but I kept going. I could not end up in the palm of Ben's hand. He may have ruined his life and countless others, but he could not ruin mine.

As I was running I got another headache and suddenly pictures from my childhood were flashing in my mind. Pictures of the day my parents enrolled me into the Temple, pictures of my other classmates, and then there were pictures of Ben. The night we met, him teaching me about different style of lightsabers, going into the Kyber Crystal caves, it was all so overwhelming. I stopped in my tracks to squeeze my temples, this could no be happening to me right now. I knew that it was Ben placing those memories into my mind, I knew he was getting closer and closer to me, but the images were just too painful, I couldn't move any further.

Suddenly I felt someone grab my arms and whisk me toward them, I didn't have to open my eyes to know who it was. “Guinevere.” His voice was distorted under that helmet, I couldn't even tell that it was Ben. He sounded breathless, like he couldn't believe it was me. “I've waited so long for you, princess.” I opened my eyes and was face to face with the silver grille and leather muzzle, I was staring into the deep obsidian eye holes trying to make sense of the situation. The way he was holding me, the muscles protruding from his shirt, this wasn't the Ben I remembered at all.

“Who...what are you?” I asked, not sure what else to say. “I'm your savior.” I closed my eyes and lurched back in one sad, final attempt in getting away from this nightmarish situation and of course it was no good. His strong arms held an iron clad grip on my small body. I opened my mouth to call out for Poe but soon found my jaw slammed shut with the Force. I looked up at Ben both in shock and defeat, he had won. I couldn't run fast enough and I was too weak in the Force to fight. This was my own fault and fate. “He's not around to save you, princess. Only me.” He held his hand up to my forehead and I all of the sudden became very sleepy, so sleepy that I couldn't even hold my head up or my eyes open.

“Don't worry, princess. I've made good on all of my promises, I wouldn't stop here. You're mine now, and I will treat you as such.”

 

 

Before I opened my eyes I took in everything else around me. The soft and warm linen under my body, the fluffy pillow under my head, the smell of clean laundry and roses, the residual taste of sweet chocolate on my tongue. I almost thought it was very pleasant, almost like my childhood home. I slowly opened my eyes and found nothing but a white ceiling and white walls. I sighed, but just as I was starting to understand my situation my own thoughts were interrupted.

“Welcome home, Guinevere.” I jumped and looked over to my right and found none other than Ben Solo. He was still dressed in his black outfit and helmet. He was sitting on an armchair in the right most corner of the room, his elbows on his knees and leaning toward me. I opened my mouth to scream, moved to jump out of the bed when I realized I had no clothes on.

“Where-where are my clothes?” I shrieked, mortified that Ben could have seen me in my underwear. “Relax.” He said, standing and making his way over to me. “No don't tell me to relax, stay away from me Ben!” I exclaimed while wrapping myself up in his blankets and scooting partly away from him. He stopped and stared long and hard at me, his helmet revealing no emotions whatsoever. “I am not Ben.”

I watched in horror as he lifted both of his hands to the side of his helmet. I heard gears spin and before I knew it he was slowly lifting his mask off of his head. His chin defined chin was revealed first, then his full, beautiful lips followed by his sharp noise and his gorgeous eyes. And then there he was, sitting next to me with a hardened scowl. It was like he was my Ben, but he wasn't. I stared on, both in lust and in fear of the man who was standing beside me. “Be-”

“No. I am not Ben.” He sounded and looked exactly the same, save for his hair being a bit longer and fluffier. In one long swoop he had grabbed the blanket and pulled it down, exposing my belly. I screamed and pushed myself back again, he grabbed me by my ankle and pulled me toward him. In that moment we were so intimately close. My thighs rested on his as my ankles stuck out past his hips. Had he thrust forward even two inches our bodies would have been connected in a way I had never experienced.

And I didn't want that from Ben at all.

“Don't you see what's in your skin, girl?” His gloved fingers traced some of my whitened linear scars. I was terrified out of my mind. Instead of flight or fight I had froze, I was in such a vulnerable position and he could have done anything he wanted to me in that moment. Ben started to run his fingertips down my abdomen, he looked stunned, shell shocked, he had never seen me in such a state before. Once he reached the elastic on my panties I kicked him.

“No! Ben no please! I don't want that, please just leave me be!” I started bawling and kicking my legs frantically, this could not have been happening to me. I could hardly believe that I was in Ben's clutches again after he killed our own classmates, I didn't want to believe he was about to force himself upon me.

Ben's grip around my ankle tightened, it started to become tingly. “Look at this mark I left on you, do you see it?” He was yelling at me now, his face turning redder and redder by the minute. I looked down just as he exposed the top of my pubic bone to see the ugly letters he had carved into my skin when I was 16: K.R. “Do you know who this is? Do you know what this stands for?” I shook my head as I tore my eyes away from the cruel reminder, choosing instead to look at Ben's hand on my ankle. He was so strong and scary, the nightmares and horrifying day dreams I had of him did him no justice.

“Ever heard of Kylo Ren?”

It was almost as if someone lit a torch in my mind. I gasped loudly as the pieces of the puzzle slowly fell into place. A few years back I did remember hearing about a new leader of the First Order as well as master of the Knights of Ren who went by 'Kylo Ren.' Poe told me he was a ruthless individual, killing indiscriminately and striking fear in the hearts of everyone. Everyone in the Resistance was on the look out, we were always ready for an Order attack and even had people specially trained to seek out the knight himself. He was our number one enemy, and unbeknownst to me I had my own enemies initials carved in my flesh.

I had belonged to my own enemy all along.

“No, no! You're-you're wrong! You're my, my...”

“Enemy, Guinevere. But not for much longer.” He let go of my ankle and grasped my chin, forcing me to turn my tear filled eyes to him. “You're going to join me, princess. You're going to rule by my side like I promised you on your 16th birthday.” I could hardly believe what I had heard him say. I almost wanted to ask him what made him think I wanted to join him. I didnt have the courage to protest verbally, so I just shook my head and covered my ears like a child. It was then I realized how weak I had become in the years I was with the Resistance. What kind of Resistance member would cover their ears and pretend they couldn't hear the biggest and baddest man in the entire Galaxy? Certainly not the last Jedi in existence, I was a failure.

As my tears turned from anger to pity I felt Ben lift me by my shoulders and force me to my feet. I stared on in a haze as his eyes roamed my body, lingering on my tummy where he used my own lightsaber to mark me as his.

_My lightsaber!_

“It is in my possession until I decide you can have it back.” He tore his eyes from my abdomen and locked them with mine, his eyes always have been gorgeous and in that moment I couldn't help but stare. “You, you have my-”

“You haven't used it in six years, you'll be clumsy with it. You haven't even used the Force in six years. You'll need to be trained again before I can let you have it back princess.” I shivered, refusing to speak to him, why did he take my saber? What use would I have for it now that I belong to him and only him? I knew how this kind of deal went, and it gave me next to no hope. This was the dark side I was dealing with, and people associated with the dark side are never ever nice with their lightsabers.

“For now, go have a shower. I've had this night planned for years now and nothing will stand in my way of making you my queen.” He turned me around to face a door that opened with the help of the Force. Inside I could see black tile on the floor and a mirror, obviously a bathroom but I was still skeptical. “I don't want a shower.” I said through the tears and looking down at the ground. He had a real thick black carpet that tickled my feet at first. “Go shower, Guinevere.” He said sternly, pushing me toward the door. I stumbled a few feet toward the door but didn't quite make it all the way. Once I found my foot again I turned to see him stomping toward me, I stared sprinting into the bathroom like my life depended on it.

When I made it in I started to close the door but Ben beat me to it, waltzing into his extraordinary bathroom and heading straight to his shower. His boots banged on the tiles and echoed in my ears, bringing me even more of my attention to the fact that this was real and I was in some serious danger.

Ben adjusted the water to his liking and then stepped aside, making way for me to shower. We stared at each other, him waiting for me to undress and me waiting for him to make some other move. “Well? Get in.” He said, mocking me as if I were stupid. I shook my head furiously and said no as firmly as I could, in reality I was still losing my mind. “It wasn't a negotiation, undress and get in.” His teeth clenched together and the tears started streaming down my face again. In the back of my mind I knew he was capable of hurting me, he had already seared my flesh with my own lightsaber. I was just wondering what he would do to me for refusing to strip in front of him.

He took two more steps toward me, closing the empty pocket of steamy air in front of us. “Do I need to undress you myself?”

“N-No, but I don't...I don't want to...in front of you B-” His eyes widened as I almost uttered his actual name. “Kylo. I can't with you in here.” I sniffed as I corrected myself. If this was really what he wanted me to do then I'd do it, at least he wasn't trying to touch me or hurt me in the moment. I just couldn't bring myself to be nude in front of my childhood friend, Force partner, and the subject of my nightmares

“Fine. You have twenty minutes. Shower and come out when you're dressed and ready.” Ben turned on his heels and left the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. I was left alone in nothing but my tears and underwear, the steam was surrounding me and caressing my skin like the haze and daze I had been in since I woke up.

None of it felt real, but I wasn't a fool. Ben was back and wasn't going to lose me again.   
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what I've been doing recently? Job interviews and playing Splatoon two. That's it.


	9. Chapter 9

Showers were normally times I enjoyed. It was just me and my thoughts and the warm water that relaxed me. Whenever I was stressed out back on the base I would shower. If I was sick I would shower. Tired? Shower. Happy? Shower. I just loved my showers so much. It was a time for me to get away from everyone else. You couldn't argue with coworkers while you were in the shower. You can't clean your house while you're in the shower. When you shower, the entire world freezes and the only thing you can do in the moment is stand under the warm water and relax.

For obvious reasons, this shower was different.

I had to fight myself to remove my clothes. I would have rather showered with my underwear on than stand naked knowing Ben-Or Kylo Ren as I now knew him as- was just a few feet away. I still didn't trust him, situations like this never work out in the victims favor. I wouldn't put it past a man who was willing to kill a temple full of Jedi to force himself on me.

I stood in the shower. I stood and did nothing. I could have cried, I could have washed, but no, I sat there and sulked. I felt so useless, like I had walked right into this situation and not fought myself out. Of course, Ben was powerful. It was evident in the way he spoke in my head over the years and the way he hunted me down so easily. I guess that was my major demise; he had continued to grow in the Force while I continued to shrink-too afraid to be anything like him.

There was a nudge at my head, one that I had nearly while rubbing the dirt out of my hair. I thought my finger had just slipped, but soon after that Ben's voice burned through my head:

 

_Get out now._

 

His voice was filled with daggers. He sounded like he was still upset at me for not undressing in front of him. I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to know what he had in store for me once I exited the shower. Would he be angry at me for not washing? I shivered, this was awful.

I did as I was told, shutting off the water and pulling the curtain back. Everything was steamy. The mirrors, bottles, bath tub, floor tiles, and my own mind. I felt as if I was in auto pilot, step out, grab towel, dry off-

Did I have clothes in here? How foolish of me to have not checked for clothes! I felt the panic rise within me again, was this it? He just wanted to freshen me up before he raped me, he probably had no intention of giving me clothes at all. I clutched the towel all the more closer to my body, took long and deep breaths trying to control my fear. I may not be able to use the Force very well anymore, but I could at least try to control my emotions.

As my hands held on tight to the plush black towel I had one hopeful thought: I at least had the towel. Not that it would do me too much good, but it was better than showing him my body willingly.

I found that my feet would not move, they were like anchors sitting at the bottom of the ocean. What was waiting for me behind that door unsettled me so much, I felt as if I was going to vomit right there on Ben's floor. I had just gotten dry but my body was soon damp with sweat. I took three nervous steps toward the door and placed my hand on it, freeing the Force within me once again to attempt to feel what was on the other side. I was weak, could feel absolutely nothing. I let out a grunt, cursing myself for not keeping my skills sharp-what kind of Jedi was I if I couldn't even feel out what was in a room through a simple wooden door?

 

_Leave the bathroom, Guinevere. There are clothes for you on the bed._

 

It was Ben once again, this time his voice was soft and reassuring. As much as I hated to admit it, his voice at the time put me at ease. He was helping me out, gathering clothes for me. He must have felt my turmoil.

Without a second thought I opened the door and was met with a chill and eerie silence. With one hand I closed the door quietly, I expected Ben to be in the room somewhere watching me. However, what was in the room made me scream at the top of my lungs.

“Good evening young Ms. Guinevere!” Two women, both middle aged, greeted me happily next to the bed. It was as if they had been standing on the other side of the door waiting for me with smiles on their faces. I stared at them in disbelief with one question on my mind: why?

“I am Tia and this is Marie, we're here to get you dressed and ready for your evening with the Commander.” The one on the right spoke and sounded so peppy and up beat, as if they didn't work for a murderous man. They were twins, both had brown hair tied back and covered with a red and black bandanna, both were slightly rotund with a red long sleeved shirt and black apron, both had on a black skirt and black shoes. “Good evening.” I said shyly, now painfully and embarrassingly aware of my nakedness.

“Oh, you're so cute!” Marie ran up to me and pinched my cheeks as if I was a child. “Come a long now, we don't want to keep the Commander waiting!” She took a hold of my hand and skipped happily over to the bed. “Here we have your undergarments...” Tia stepped aside and used her entire arm to showcase the pair of wight panties and white strapless bra to me. “And here is your dress. The Commander picked it out just for you! Oh isn't it just lovely!” Maria did a slight hop as she clapped her hands, way too excited to be showing me this dress.

I did have to admit, Ben had good taste in ladies clothing. The dress was beautiful: it seemed to be made out of some mesh-like material, it was slightly see through, beige, and covered in florescent pearls. It had a dramatic V neck, starting at the shoulders and sloping down to the cleavage and back up. The sleeves were elbow length and on the left side of the dress there was a slit that would show off my thigh.

I had never even been anywhere near a dress like this-whoever wore it must be royalty.

“Let's go ahead and remove this, deary-” Marie moved to take the towel from me but I quickly jumped from her grasp. “No, um. I've got it. It's okay.”

“Oh deary me, no! I insist I help you.” She reached again and I repeated my action. “Please, leave me be.” I said, squeaking like a small mouse. I could feel roses blooming in my cheeks at the awkward situation, I _really_ did not want to be going through this at the moment.

“I-I don't even want to be with the Commander tonight. Just leave!” My voice elevated slightly and the twins seemed to take slight offense to my minute outburst-but I just didn't care, whatever Ben was dressing me up for I wanted absolutely no part of it.

“Really, hun, we just want to help you. You and the Commander, you're going to have so much fun toni-”

“I said no!” I angrily turned away from them and marched right back into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. Once inside I fell back against the door and slid down onto my butt, buried my hands in my arms and just sobbed. Everything was just so new, so unexpected, so different. Back on the base I was just a middle class woman, I didn't wear fancy dresses with shiny pearls attached to them, I didn't have a giant bath room to shower in, and I didn't have two little assistants to help me get dressed. All I had was myself and Poe.

“Oh god, Poe!”

I picked my head up and stared at a fixed point on the wall, what was Poe thinking right now? He must think I'm dead, he must be sitting in his bed room bawling his eyes out. He must think he's never going to see me again. I opened my mouth and bawled even louder because I probably was never going to see him again either. My only friend, and he was gone. Taken from me by the man that took my other friends so many years ago.

 

_Princess, you need to get off the floor and stop thinking about that man. Let the maids help you get ready for dinner._

 

I wiped the tears with the back of my hand, wishing ever so much that I could remember how to block people out of my mind. His tone was soft, yet authoritative and full of warning. Like a parent bargaining to a crying child-almost fitting this exact same situation.

Momentarily, I wondered what would happen if I didn't obey Ben. What if I stayed on the floor in the bathroom instead of complying? What could he possibly do to someone he considered his 'princess?' Surely he wouldn't expect me to just bow down and bend to his will after what he's put me through over the years. Might he give me more time to adjust and act out without punishment?

 

_Remember who gave you those scars, girl. Don't make me come force you out of that bathroom myself._

 

My flesh broke out in goosebumps as I considered his words, I could feel my flesh searing under my sabers blade at the memory. With a gulp and heavy, defeated sigh, I stood on wobbly legs and made my way out to the twins to, in Ben's words, 'get ready for dinner.'

 

I had to stand in front of them nude as their identical brown eyes soared over every curve of my body. Their smiles turned from genuine to slightly worrisome as they looked at each other and then back at me. “Do you think the dress will fit her? I think it's a little on the small side.” Tia said to her sister. “Only one way to find out.” Marie said as she picked up the panties on the bed. She squatted down next to me and told me to step in just as Tia asked me to lift my arms so she could put my bra on. Together, they clothed me in my undergarments. Once they were on and fitting nicely they asked me to lie face down on the bed.

Marie placed extra pillows down as Tia took out a bottle of lotion from the drawer next to the bed. I shuttered to think about what it was used for before me. “The Commander wants you to have a full body massage before dinner hun, we need to get you nice and relaxed.” The thought of another person's hands touching my flesh so intimately immediately put me off. I took a step back from the bed and nervously played with the small bow on the front of my underwear. “N-No thanks. I can-”

 

_Guinevere, what did I say?_

 

I sighed, with tears in my eyes I obeyed Ben. I probably didn't have another choice.

 

The massage didn't take too long, and I had to admit that it was relaxing. Tia took my top half while Marie took the other. The tension released in the muscles of my legs and lower back, it felt good. In fact it was probably the best time I had since being forced to come wherever I was at the time.

After the massage I was helped into my dress which, to the twins surprise, fit me perfectly. I felt like a queen. They did my make up, burgundy matte lipstick and some simple brown eyeliner and did my hair up in a fancy heart shaped bun.

“Don't forget the final touch, deary!” Marie said as she eagerly walked up to me holding a black box. She lifted the top off of the box and in front of me sat an expensive looking pair of black pumps. “Ooh! The Commander is going to love you deary! Sit on the bed and let me put these on.” I obeyed her, watched as she lifted one leg after another onto her knee and strapped the heels onto my feet. I stood, a little wobbly at first but swiftly got the hang of walking around.

“Oh, bless.” Tia said as she fixed my dress a bit. “You look perfect, the Commander can't wait to see you!” I gave her a sad smile, I had gotten so into being pampered that I forgot I would now have to face Ben for the second time today. The thought made my stomach churn, what would he say to me? What would he think of my clothes?

“Let's get you down there, hun. It's not wise to keep Commander Ren waiting!”

 

The twins held onto both of my arms as we made our way down the hallways. The halls were black, cold, and lonely. It was only us three, my heels were clicking down the halls audibly as the Tia and Marie went on and on about the Commander and how wonderful he was for treating me so well. I wanted so badly to exclaim how poorly he had actually treated me in the past and as of recently, but it would do no good for me. These women worked for him, they must know how terrible of a person he was.

“Oh deary, he's cleared an entire ballroom for you and him to dine tonight. Isn't that wonderful?” I looked over at her and half smiled, my legs moving on autopilot. “He doesn't do this very often. In fact, I've never seen him do it with his past concubines, right Tia?”

“Right, Marie. He's never dressed his women as well as he's dressed you.” Again, I gave them a small smile, trying my hardest not to cry over the fact that Ben has had more options other than me. If he has had women in the past, why did he need me? Why was I so different?

Oh right, we're bonded.

The thought made my mood skyrocket down further than I thought it could possibly go. I held back my tears though, tears would not get me out of dinner with my new captor and bondmate.

At some point we made a turn and the light increased exponentially, no longer were we in all black hallways but now we were in stark white hallways. There were fun posters on the walls, pictures of cars and pool tables, people dancing and drinking from beer bottles. There were photos of weddings and children, the atmosphere was so different than in the hallways we were just in.

The twins stopped me in front of a door, inside the room was dark, but just barely illuminated with a slightly orange glow. “Here we are, hun!” Tia said joyfully. “He's in there waiting for you, go and have lots of fun for us okay?” Marie pinched my cheeks again, I felt so terrible that they had to stand here and pretend to be as hyped up as I was. Surely they must have seen my sadness and unwillingness to even be here, right?

It didn't matter, because Tia opened the two large doors and I stood staring at the scene before me.

I was correct in thinking the orange glow was a candle or two, there were several around the spacious ballroom. Some were on small tables, and others lit a path to the center of the room where Ben sat unmasked at a small round table that was covered in a white cloth. As I entered he looked up, stood from his chair and waited for me. For some reason, I felt as if there was an audience of people behind me, ready to watch me walk down this isle of candles to Ben. It was only Tia and Marie, but all sets of eyes on the room were on me so I was its center of attention.

I just stood there, taking in the smell of the candles and the image of Ben standing in his dark garb. I couldn't see the twins behind me, but I could tell they were excitedly waiting for me to dine. It made me kind of nervous, even more nervous than what I already was. “Leave us.” Ben said, his voice thundering past me. Before I could turn around I head the door close, Tia and Marie were gone and it was just Ben and I.

 

_Come_

 

He said in my mind, I could no longer put it off. So step by step I made my way over to him, my heart beat accelerating with every step. He had such a stern look on his face, his eyes refusing to leave my own. My stomach was turning over and over, I didn't know how I was going to eat from the plate that was sitting opposite of Ben. I felt as if I was always a few seconds from vomiting, my nerves were all standing at attention.

I was ever so thankful that my dress barely went past my knee as I walked the candle lit path. One wrong move and my dress could have caught fire if it were longer. At least Ben had some sense. The only noises in the room were the clicking of my heels and the whispers of the pearls as they clanked on one another. I could feel the heat of Ben's eyes as he stared on, watching me walk to what I would have considered my death.

Once I reached the table Ben took a step toward me, took my hand in his and lifted it to his lips, leaving a peck and a warm wet spot on the back of my hand. I couldn't find it within myself to fake a smile, only to tremble weakly at the feel of his soft lips. Without a word he moved the chair opposite of where he was sitting out from under the table and swung his long arm out over it. “Sit.” He ordered, I did so with no hesitation. He scooted me back up to the table and I watched him walk fluidly over to the other side, he sat and then removed the silver top to his plate.

I stared down at my plate, nervously playing with the pearls on my dress under the table. “Eat, Guinevere.” He said just as he began cutting the brown meat on his plate. I couldn't even begin to guess what kind of food it was, I was too focused on not getting sick all over him. “I-I'm not too-”

“Guinevere.” He warned me angrily. His mouth was a hardened straight line, his eyes bore right into me, I was beyond intimidated as I gingerly lifted the top off of my plate. “Put it on top of mine.” He said, plucking a stick of asparagus onto his fork. I did as I was told, then looked down at my food. It was the exact same as Ben's plate only a bit smaller. The meat was so off putting, the smell made me gag. This was the last thing I wanted to be doing at the moment. Ben watched me as I took a stalk of asparagus and slowly lifted it to my mouth, biting off the leafy tip and chewing ever so slowly.

Suddenly there was a light at the center of the table, a candle lit out of thin air. It made me jump and gasp, Ben's face was now fully illuminated and I could see everyone of his evil facial features. He was studying me, not bothering to look away as he lifted his hand and flexed his pointer finger in the air. Soft classical music soon filled the air, seemingly coming from nowhere and everywhere at the same time.

“Your welcoming dinner on board the Finalizer, princess. Filet Mignon, steamed asparagus, soup, and-” He lifted up a dish that sat next to the candle in the center of the table. “Chocolate cake. Your favorite.” The small morsel of asparagus that I had eaten threatened to find its way back on the plate at the sound of his voice, mocking me with my favorite food as if I was supposed to enjoy this. “You look beautiful tonight.” I placed my fork down on my plate again, I felt light headed and dizzy. In all honestly I would have loved to pass out, I would have gotten to skip this entire “date” and wind up in a bed somewhere sleeping.

“You are not done eating.” Ben brought me out of my wishes with his always thunderous angry voice. I let a tear slip out and onto the cloth for once, upset that I was, of all things, being forced to eat. “I am sorry it took me so long to get to you, princess. I would have found you sooner, but I was busy.” So worthless, so downright worthless.

“You were hiding out in the Resistance, I should have known. I was expecting you to go back to your home planet. I had thousands of undercover First Order informants on that planet looking for you for years. Turns out you were right under my nose the entire time. Eat some of your meat.” I had found I stopped eating in favor of listening to his terrifying tale. With shaky hands I cut into my meat, juice pouring from its tears all over my plate. Once I lifted a piece to my mouth he continued.

“I'm so happy you took that diplomatic position, the Resistance is getting harder and harder to find everyday. Had you stayed wherever they were I probably would have never found you.” In that moment a smile broke across Ben's face, a smile that would normally be rather charming on a man like him. “Wine?” He picked up the bottle by the neck, blood colored wine splashed within its glass. “No thank you.” I sighed, the last thing I needed was to be drunk around this monster. The smile he exhibited quickly went away as he poured some into my glass anyway.

“Anyway, Guinevere. Are you wondering why you're here?”

“No.” I squeaked, it sounded more like a question, like I was questioning myself on if I wanted to know or not. Ben exhaled, I think it was supposed to be like a small laugh. “You're here because you're my bondmate, of course. Fate has said we belong together. I also couldn't stand seeing your potential wasted at the hands of my uncle, so I brought you here to train.” He took a sip of wine, then moved mine with the Force to signal me to have a sip too. “Only you won't be trained by my master as I was. I am powerful enough so that I can train you in my ways and my ways only. We have important things to accomplish together, princess. You will come to the dark side and fight by my side. We'll be a force to be reckoned with.”

He took my hand in his and I felt a small spark run from his fingertips into mine. That sweet, loving smile was back, it completely contrasted my fears and pain. “Ben.” I breathed, mostly just to fill the awkward silence. “Ben, I-I can't go to the dark side. I'm still a Jedi.” I have no idea what made me want to say such a foolish thing while under Ben's gaze. “No, Guinevere. You're wrong. You're not a Jedi anymore. You can barely even use the Force anymore. You're great, too great to be of the Resistance. Just look at the white Kyber Crystal that called out to you. The Resistance doesn't deserve anyone with your potential. Together, we can restore peace to the galaxy. Don't you want to be a part of something bigger than being a diplomat?”

I dropped my head, tears streamed down my face once more. “No, Ben. I just want to go back home.”

“Ben's not alive anymore, Guinevere. Only me.” I looked up at him, through my tears and for a split second I could have sworn I saw the young man I had fallen in love with. The young man who helped me rebuild my lightsaber, the young man that held me as I cried. I saw Ben Solo, he was sitting there right in front of me for just a second, then he disappeared. “No, Ben is there. I can see him.” Suddenly, courage ran through my veins. I wasn't sure where it had came from, but I felt like it was Ben calling out for my help.

The grip he had on my hand tightened, his face was slowly contorting into anger. “Ben Solo died along with all the other useless kids in that Temple, I am greater than Ben Solo will _ever_ be!” He started to raise his voice, but I was defiant. I felt Ben slipping away from me, falling out of my fingertips like sand and into the hopeless abyss that was Kylo Ren. “Ben please! This isn't you, this isn't who you're supposed to be! I know you're still here, there's light left in you. I can feel it, please don't do this to yourself!” I pleaded with him, watched as he let go of my hand and then leaned back in the chair. I was hopeful that I had done it, that my small protest had brought Ben back to his senses after all these years.

But I was wrong.

As I blinked all the candles in the room had gone out at once, the music stopped and there was ear splitting silence about the room. Out from under me the table was lifted into the air, I heard the plates, food, and silverware clatter to the floor. I suddenly felt extremely vulnerable sitting with nothing in front of me, not that a table would have protected me from Ben's wrath anyway. I couldn't see a thing, but could feel Ben's anger seeping from his body and into mine. I felt an immediate urge to get away, but couldn't do so fast enough. Ben grabbed me by my throat and pushed me onto the floor, my chair fell with me and was displaced upon landing.

He kicked the chair out of the way as I was busy scooting as far away from him as possible, I felt like an idiot for standing up to him, how could I have not seen this as the outcome? Had I just ordered my own death here in this ballroom?

His hands encircled my upper arm and he began to drag me toward the door on my ass, I could hear some of the pearls from my dress crackling and shattering as he moved me. “Get up.” He said between clenched teeth. “Get up now!” He lifted me with his one arm and I landed on my feet, one of my heels was long gone so I struggled to find my footing. “This evening is over.” He said as he pulled me along behind him, I tried my best to keep up with his long strides.

“Where are you taking me? Stop, please just stop!” I begged him to release me, I could hardly keep up with him and just staring at the back of his his head was torture when I knew his face was beet red with anger.

No longer did I see Ben, no longer did I see the light. Wherever he was taking me, I was going to meet the real Kylo Ren tonight.

 


	10. Chapter 10

That evening, I found myself lying on the floor in a darkened room. I saw nothing but the silhouette of Ben Solo staring back up at me, that is until he closed the door he pushed me through. Panic and anxiety ran through my veins as I scooted back away from where I had last seen Ben. I had no idea where I was or what Ben was going to do to me in this dark room, all I knew was I was now trapped in a room with a murderer that I couldn't see or feel with the Force.

“You'll learn one day, Guinevere.” I heard Ben say, then suddenly the room was set in a red glow. I looked over to my right and saw Ben standing with his saber ignited, it crackled as he charged toward me. I screamed at the top of my lungs, then threw myself in the direction of a table I saw near by. My knees were aching as I crawled under the table as I was crushing the pearls, but it didn't matter, I needed to get away from Ben. “You'll never see that weak underling ever again!” I hugged my knees and the first or many tears began to spill from my eyes. Would this be the end? Had I called this man 'Ben' one too many times?

Just as soon as Ben dragged me into this room with him, everything stopped. I heard Ben put his saber at rest and soon the room was dark once more. I could smell burning, I could hear Ben heaving, and then I could hear him walking toward my poorly chosen hiding spot. His boots were creating soft noises on the carpet, changing to crunching as he stepped on the pearls that made a trail to me.

“I'm sorry, Guinevere.” I was shaking, looking directly ahead of me before the room was illuminated with a regular white light. I looked around, could clearly see Ben's legs and boots right in front of me. “Please come out, don't be afraid.” He said as he squatted down in front of me. I could see everything from his chest downward, his neck and face hovering just out of my view. I watched as he extended his hand out to me under the table and stood there patiently for what seemed like an eternity.

“I won't hurt you, that was a mistake. Come now, lets get ready for bed.” Even though he couldn't see me, I hastily shook my head. The man was crazy if he thought I'd willingly go anywhere near or with him after what he had put me through this evening. “N-no! Leave me alone!” I felt just as pathetic as what came out of my mouth just then. I was no contender to him: A terrified, small, and very weak Jedi going up against someone as big and powerful as Kylo Ren? I stood no chance. If he wanted to he could drag me from under this table and do whatever he wanted to me really, I had no business telling him to leave me alone.

Ben sighed heavily, then placed his hand on his knee. “Don't be like this, Guinevere. Just come with me, you don't have to be afraid of me.” I sat there and did nothing, didn't say anything or move a single muscle. Eventually Ben stood up and sighed once more, he started to walk away from the table, leaving me by myself. “Fine, you can stay under that table for as long as you need to.” His boots slowly disappearing from my view as he stepped away from me. “One day you'll learn I'm not here to harm you.” After he said that the lights went out and I was surrounded by darkness once again. I was left to reflect on Ben's last words to me, he sounded hurt. He sounded like I had ruined his night by being stubborn, like he really wanted me to trust him.

I don't know how he expected me to put any amount of trust in him after what he had done to me my whole life. What had he even meant by “not harming” me? He was the one who caused the scars on my abdomen, he harmed me with my very own lightsaber! What did he think he was doing when he ran after me with his lightsaber drawn? I had genuinely thought he was going to kill me.

Now I sat there, dress showered with broken pearls and stained with my tears. I would be damned if I left the safety of that table, such a measly piece of wood managed to keep my captor at bay. In the moment it was my sanctuary, I felt safe under that table in the dark. I curled up, slightly uncomfortable in the dress but I would have rather died than taken it off. I didn't want Ben seeing me without clothes again.

As badly as I didn't want to let my guard down, I fell into a peaceful sleep. Dreaming of tasty food and beautiful ball gowns, I drifted into the depths of my dream land.

 

–

 

Sitting in bed I listened as her thoughts change from anger, fear, and uncertainty to soft thoughts of ice cream, sheep, and two young children. It was amazing to feel the moment my bondmate slipped into sleep, I hadn't felt anything like it before. It was as if all of her terrible thoughts rolled off of her flesh like water droplets and she was left with her dreams that were as innocent as she was. Once I knew she was fully asleep I ventured out into the livingroom, feeling terrible for letting my anger go in front of her like I did. She continually referred to me as my old self even after I told her not to, it was frustrating, but she knew no better. She had lived in the Resistance for years after I last saw her, she had probably only known me as “Ben.”

I found her still under the table, stretched out with one arm under her head and the other on her belly. She was angelic, the dust from the broken pearls surrounded her and sat on her dress and skin in a light dusting. She was perfect, perfect and all mine.

I couldn't bare the thought of her sleeping under that table all night long, my princess didn't deserve to sleep on the floor when there was a perfectly acceptable bed a few feet away from her. Besides, I didn't want her to be stiff and uncomfortable for our next dinner tomorrow night. I was careful not to wake her up as I pushed the table out of the way, the moonlight shone down on her body. As I thrust my hands under her she stirred, grumbling as I moved her into my arms. I smiled to myself at her defiance, this was the most peaceful I had ever seen her in my presence. I took a look into her mind to see what I had disrupted:

I saw her running throughout a small village, she was laughing and smiling, picking up flowers as she ran and throwing them back onto the ground. The sun was setting and the breeze was blowing her hair back. She looked so happy, so carefree. I would have killed to have her be that relaxed in her new home with me.

Soon enough she ran up to a rock ledge, at the bottom sat a beautiful ocean. Through her dream I could sense the ocean spray on her face, could taste the salty air, and could hear the waves crashing below. She took a seat on the edge and just stared out at the orange and yellow sky. I heard her sigh, she leaned back and clutched the grass in her hand. She heard a noise behind her, when she turned around her eyes went wide. “Come on!” She said, waving her arm to tell the person to come toward her.

I grew weary when I saw a man enter the scene. He sat down next to her and placed his hand protectively over hers. They both sat so contently next to each other. In Guineveres heart and mind I could feel her adoration for the man, I was beginning to feel angry. Those emotions are only supposed to be for me, not whoever this was. He looked at her, then put his finger under her chin to make her look at him too. They stared at each other, he placed his other hand on the side of her head and Guinevere's heart fluttered. As soon as they started to lean in I removed myself from her mind.

She'd learn one day, but that day could not come soon enough for me.

 

The next evening I sat at the same table in the same spot waiting for my princess to join me for dinner. Tia and Marie would be bringing her soon, I told them to do exactly what they did for her yesterday again but this time I didn't want them to stand around after they drop her off giggling like foolish children. Guinevere was not their friend or daughter or anything of the sort, she was their empress.

I was determined to get a yes from Guinevere as her answer to my proposal for her to join the dark side over dinner just like this. It had been a dream of mine for years now that she'd triumphantly agree with me that we'd rule together hand in hand during a romantic dinner just like this, and I was determined to have the scene set and repeat my proposal every night until Guinevere said yes.

The doors opened and there stood my princess. Dressed in the silky, cascading, black dress that I had hand picked for her myself. It accented her curves flawlessly, brought out the color of her hair brightly. It had two rows of beads around her waist that resembled a belt, in the center there was a small rounded silver cross with black gemstones on each embellishment and in the center. It was tied to the strands at each point on the cross and tied to the bottom of the cross was a strand of beads that went down to her mid thigh. The maids had done her make up with dark accents and black lipstick, painted her nails black, and gave her black heels. They had also done her hair in fish tail braids that went all the way down to the bottom of her shoulders.

I didn't think it was possible, but she looked even more stunning than she did last night.

As she approached the table she kept her hands clasped in front of her, looking down at the candle lit path that I had made a bit wider this time since her dress was so much longer. She didn't look afraid like she was yesterday, she just looked miserable. She refused to look up at me as I stood to greet her, pulling her chair out for her and pushing her up to the table as I did yesterday. She looked so uninterested, so dead inside.

“You look breath-takingly beautiful, princess.” I said to her as I sat down across the table from her. She sat with her cheek in her hand, outlining her plate of food with her finger tip. In response to me she nodded, nothing more and nothing less. I lit the candle between us and started the slow and sensual music and began to dine, Guinevere still sat stagnant. “You may eat, Guinevere.” I said with just a dash of authority in my voice. I didn't want to be her father figure or her master, I didn't want to have to command her to do things, I wanted to be her lover and for her to enjoy her time with me.

She picked up the fork and started eating some of the pasta that was on her plate, small bites at a time just like she did the previous night. I watched her as she paid all of her attention to her food and not to me. “We'll try this evening again, and maybe this time things will go smoother than they did last night.” Again, a simple nod to my proposal.

As I poured us wine I began speaking about the First Order and everything that we had to offer my princess. I told her about the riches I could give her, the fine clothing she could wear, the extraordinary tastes, and all the people that could and would be at her service 24/7 when she ruled by my side. During the entire one sided conversation she refused to even look at me, didn't even bat and eye when telling her I could give her whatever she desired. I grew tired of it, annoyed that she wasn't even paying attention to me when I deserved every second of her attention.

I slammed my fists on the table, causing our two plates to rattle on it. “Guinevere _look_ at me when I am talking to you.” She was startled, looked up at me with a surprised look on her face. She had barely touched any of her food, drank none of the wine I had poured for her. She was so unappreciative of everything I had given her so far, I was beginning to wonder when she would open her eyes and see the lifestyle she is living in now for what it is instead of yearning for what little she had before.

“So I will ask you again, join me. Become a member of the First Order and fight for the Dark Side. It's where you belong, Guinevere. I took a hold of her hand and sent a small spark from my Force signature to hers, just as a reminder of who she was to me. “We're bondmates, remember? You aren't meant to be with anyone except for me.” I saw her jump as the spark manifested in her fingertips, she looked up at me and seemed to consider what I was saying. I grew hopeful, for the longest time she had ignored me but now it looked as if she was about to say something meaningful.

“You aren't going to give me a choice, are you?”

I was taken slightly a back at what she had just said to me. First of all, she looked like she had all the confidence in the world on her shoulders. She looked bold and daring, like she was ready to challenge me. Secondly, I didn't expect her to say such a thing. I didn't even expect her to say yes, let alone utter an entire sentence. I wasn't sure how to respond, did she really have a choice or not? Was I going to force her into being my empress? I didn't even know how to achieve such an outcome. I figured in my time of uncertainty the best thing to do would be to scare her, I didn't want her to think I am weak and she could get away with toying around and disrespecting me.

“I suppose you don't have a choice, but eventually I will get tired of hearing you say no. So you had better think wisely on your answer tonight.” I watched as she broke eye contact with me and leaned back into her chair. We sat in silence for a few more minutes, anticipating her answer so we could move on with our evening. “Guinevere, what is your answer?” I moved things along quickly, wanting desperately to know if my princess would actually become my princess tonight.

“My answer is no, Be-”

“My name is _not_ Ben.” I grit my teeth and held an air tight grip on my fork, I was getting so sick and tired of correcting her about my name and the fact that she had just rejected my proposal again made it even worse. I stared angrily at her, wondering how she could have rejected me after all of the promises I made to her. She was half way cowering in her chair, the other half of her sitting up straight and holding her spoon in her hand. She was probably expecting me to hit her or something, which honestly broke my heart. I hated losing control of my anger and I especially tried my hardest not to hurt her out of anger.

What happened last night was a huge mistake, and I'll probably regret it for the rest of my life.

Regardless, I worked to calm myself so that I could speak to her without making her feel uncomfortable. I kept on thinking about how she was here and I was not going to let her go. At the very least I could keep her here indefinitely whether she joins me or not. She would be mine and only mine, not with that Resistance scum of a pilot she nearly fell in love with.

“Very well then, princess. We can end dinner now then.” I stood up feeling tense and still angry, I took a hold of her arm just like last night and started dragging her out of the ballroom. “But mark my words, Guinevere. You _will_ join the First Order. May it be as my empress or as my prisoner.” To my quarters we went, her hand forcibly in mine. My patience was wearing thin, and I didn't know how much longer I could hold her in my presence as a Resistance member.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sewwwwwww I got a new job last week and literally worked myself to the bone. Monday-Monday 3-11 pm and one night I worked 3 pm-4 AM. That's why I've been gone so long. The only time I was ever home was to sleep, and I got to spend next to no time with my baby. It made me very sad, and now I've vowed to never work every day for a week ever again. Enjoy this plz cause I wrote it the day I got home lol.


	11. Chapter 11

The second night Ben treated me to dinner was almost as scary as the first one. I could tell he was on edge all night long. I was as well, that day I had awoken from a dream about Poe to find I had been transferred into his bed. My ruined dress was also gone, instead I was in my underwear again when I woke up. It made my skin crawl to think Ben himself had put his tainted, blood stained hands on my body again.

The twins had came in and prepared me for another special night, and when I entered the ball room I was met with the exact same scene from the previous night. Ben sat me down and told me all about what he could give me, lots of jewelry, money, dresses, lots of material things. His promises were wonderful and lavish, anyone would accept in a heartbeat. But not me, I denied him because he couldn't give me what I so truly desired: My Freedom.

My freedom to choose who I wanted to live the rest of my life with, free to choose what I wear, free to choose who I speak to, and free to choose to go back to my home in the Resistance. Ben had taken all of that from me and nothing he could put in my hands would change my mind about joining him on the dark side.

Just like last night he dragged me through the halls and brought me back to his quarters, only this time he dragged me all the way to his room. Earlier that evening he threatened to make me his prisoner, I knew the goal was to make me afraid of him, to bend to his will and become his “princess.” The threat had fallen on my deaf ears, however, because I was already his prisoner.

He said nothing to me as he disappeared into his closet, returning with a modest pair of pajamas. They were all white with small, light pink roses all over them, much to small to fit him so I had automatically assumed they were mine. “Strip.” He said as he threw them at my feet. I felt like I should have been afraid of him, here he was barking orders at me as if I was a slave, he had threatened me that same evening, and here I stood in the confines of his bedroom once again. But I was drained. between having two giddy women swoon over me all day, being forced into eating dinner with a mass murderer, wearing clothing that wasn't even mine, and once again being pulled through what seemed like endless hallways just wore me out. I just wanted to go home, I was merely existing here with Ben, not fearing him.

I did nothing but stare at the garments at my feet, not really sure if I wanted to comply or not. Did it really matter if Ben saw me in my underwear when he may or may not have seen me naked already, especially since the twins had seen every inch of my bare skin by now? “Guinevere it is late. Remove your clothing so we can go to bed.”

I had ultimately decided to do as Ben told me, the faster I got these stupid clothes on the faster I could go to sleep and end my second day of captivity. Not that I thought tomorrow would be any better, or the next day, or the next day, or so on. I just wanted to get out of this strange stare off with my captor. I looked to him for instructions on what he felt I should do next. He pointed to the bed and I felt my insides churn nervously. “No.” I said as firmly as I could, knowing full and well Ben already had and would force me into that bed again. This time it was worth the try to thwart his plans, to see if I had the slightest bit of say during my captivity.

“Get in bed, princess.” He said with the most stern look on his face. There were slight sounds of exhaust in his voice, like he was annoyed with my disobedience. But who would want to sleep next to a man like him? I had no idea what his intentions were, was he going to touch me? Was he going to stare at me? Would he sleep? I didn't want to take the risk to find out, so I would fight to sleep as far away from him as possible. “I'll sleep on the couch, Ben.” I offered, maybe if I slept on the couch I could work on finding a way out of this hell while he slept. It would be tricky and dangerous, but fighting my way out would be better than just sitting and rotting here as Ben's prisoner.

Ben chuckled, looked away from me for a hot second and when he looked back at me he looked mildly entertained. “'Who would want to sleep next to me.' Guinevere do not be silly!” He seized me by the back of my neck and turned me toward the bed. “You'll happily share a bed with me. Maybe not now but I assure you that you will.” With all of his might Ben shoved me toward the bed, or at least that's what I thought his intention was. Instead I went falling toward the bed, my chest hit the mattress and the rest of my body went sliding down toward the floor.

Both Ben's grip, push, and the blow to my chest hurt and shocked me, so much so I didn't have time to contemplate what he had told me. Pushing past the pain I turned to look at him, I threw my hands up to try and block his blows before I had even seen them coming-I was afraid. “Ben, plea-” I had started to beg, for what I wasn't entirely sure of. It seemed as though most of the time I was spending with Ben now I was spending pleading with him to stop, or to leave me alone, and I was sure it wouldn't ever end.

I watched as his amused face twisted into a snarl. I hadn't realized it until he took a hold of my shirt and hoisted me into the air with one hand. As my head fell back the vertebrae in my neck popped and I remembered he was no longer 'Ben,' the name just slipped from between my teeth by accident while I existed in that fearful state of mind. To ground myself (such a strange term to use when you're literally being held in the air) I held onto his wrist, my legs kicking and thrashing trying to locate the carpet. I drowned the sounds of the fabric in my shirt snapping under my weight with my screams. But Ben was too quick, one second I was in the air and the next I was on my back in the bed.

“You're going to stay in this bed and you're not going to move one inch. Don't you even _think_ about escaping while you're in my presence, because I will make you regret it.” I stared at the angry man in front of me-Kylo Ren. Tears were welling in my eyes and I once again felt hopeless. I nodded my head in affirmation as my lower jaw quivered, it was taking all I had to not break out in full blown sobs. Kylo took a hold of my face and lifted my torso a little closer to him. “Verbally, say it out loud.”

“Yes, Kylo.” It took a lot of courage to say that awful name, I had extended the 'y' for a few seconds because I was unsure if I could say the entire name. “Goodnight, princess. Tomorrow we'll have dinner again, and I'll ask you the same question. Think on your answers tonight and if you're smart you'll say the right thing.”

I watched as he stepped away from the bed and into the closet, later on returning with a pile of black clothes in his hands and wearing nothing but some thin black pajama pants. I quickly shut my eyes as he attempted to meet my gaze, too terrified of what he'd do to me if he saw that I was not asleep. Shortly after I heard the light switch turn off, then felt him fall into the bed next to me. I had to suppress my whimper, and later on my fear as I felt him move even closer to me. Disgusted, I rolled as far away from him as I could to the very edge of the bed. I grit my teeth as he sighed, stiffened when I felt his fingers comb through my hair.

“You'll see, princess. You'll see soon.”

 

–

 

He hadn't lied to me when he said we were going to have dinner the next night. Tia and Marie dressed me in an extraordinary dress as they did the previous two nights and led me to the ballroom again where I sat and picked at my dinner with Ben. He asked me the same question: Will you join me on the dark side? To which I replied with even more confidence than last night: No. He looked disappointed as he always did, but afterword did nothing more than take me by the hand lead me back to his quarters where I stripped out of my beautiful dress and into the pajamas he supplied for me. He had to force me back into the bed again and soon before I knew it I was falling asleep next to him, wondering when he would put an end to this farce of a relationship I had with him.

During the day when Tia and Marie were not bringing me food or getting me ready for dinner I sat in Ben's bed on my back playing with the necklace that Poe gave to me. I was wearing it when I woke up in Ben's bed and I had no idea why he hadn't noticed it hanging around my neck, but I was thankful he didn't take it.

In the palm of my hand the purple heart was cold, warming ever so slowly with the help of my body heat. I ran the necklace between my fingers, rolled the heart between my thumb and pointer finger and just thought about home. What did they think happened to me? Did they think I was dead? Did they even know that Kylo Ren was the one who took me? My heart always broke when I thought that this was the only thing I had left that was mine. My memories of home, my memories of Poe, my memories of my job, they all sat right here in my hand.

I heard the front door opening and I quickly stashed the necklace in its hiding spot between the bed and the wall, fearing it was Ben coming back to see me. But it wasn't, just the Twins.

“Oh Deary! How lucky are you that you get to have this many wonderful evenings with the Commander?” Marie said as she set me dress for the night onto the bed. I kinda smiled at her, like I always did when they spoke so highly of Ben. I never talked too much around them, it was clear they were brainwashed by the First Order and probably thought Ben could do no wrong, they wouldn't be interested in what I had to say about what he had done to me and several others in the past. “Come along hun, lets get you into the shower and get you dressed. You must be starving.”

 

I continued to have dinner with Ben in the same place every night for six more nights. It was always the same, dress up nicely, sit down, tell Ben no to his question, then go back and go to sleep only to do the same thing over and over. On the 10th night Ben seemed very on edge. He said nothing to me as he angrily cut into his food and ate it. Something seemed off, something was wrong with him. I almost opened my mouth and asked if he was alright, but thought better of it.

What Ben didn't know was that tonight, tucked into the sleeve of my velvety red dress, I had my necklace with me. It grounded me, it made me feel safe. It made me feel like Poe was right there with me during this horrific time, even though it was just a small stone it made me feel big and brave. So tonight I decided to take it with me, hiding it from Ben's sight. So as Ben sat across from me very stiff and rigid for whatever reason, I sat there cool and much calmer than I had in previous nights.

It came down to the question, through gritted teeth Ben asked me to join him on the dark side, to rule the Order by his side. I clutched my heart stone in my hand and imagined Poe telling me to be brave, you had gone through this 9 times now and you could do it a 10th. I took in a breath, then looked Ben into his beautiful brown eyes. This was it, I was going to refuse him for hopefully the last time.

“No matter how many fancy dinners you feed me, or how many servants you send me, or how wonderful the clothes you dress me in are, I will never join the dark side with you!”

Although I was very weak in the Force, in that moment I felt strong. I was aware of how small and weak I had appeared to him the past nine days, uttering a small and nearly silent “no” under my breath as the answer to his question. He stared at me, the grit in his teeth slowly fading as if the stress was melting away in him. “Are you _sure,_ Guinevere?” I nodded my head triumphantly.

“Is that you're final answer?”

“My final and only answer, Kylo.” Time seemed to stop, Ben was as still as a statue as he contemplated my words to him. I was sweating around my necklace, the one thing giving me hope in this situation. I was optimistic, maybe he'd let me go since he saw that I was now so sure in my answer. “Is that so?” He said as he placed his napkin from his lap and onto his now empty plate. “I guess all that's left to do is go back to bed now.”

It was strange how calm he was after being so angry all evening long. Tonight he didn't even hold my hand the way he usually did, I just followed him back to his quarters.

There was one small problem though. I didn't know where we were.

Sure, the hallways had always looked the same to me but there were new doors and new people where Ben was leading me. “Where are we going?” I asked him. By now he had his helmet on, once again Kylo Ren. “Aren't we going back to your home?” I asked since he ignored my first question. “Be quiet, stop asking questions and just walk.” His heavily modulated voice said to me. I stayed quiet for the rest of our walk, the optimism my necklace gave me quickly vanished with this new revelation.

 

It took maybe 20 minutes for us to come to a heavily armed door. Kylo stood in front of it with his hand resting on it. The entire scene was ominous, maybe it was time for me to die?

“What's on the other side of that door?” I asked. While the both of us and the area behind was was quiet, I could ear ghastly noises on the other side of the door. Clanking, screaming, and other various terrifying noises seeped through the heavy iron door. My heart was pounding in my chest, nothing good was on the other side of that door.

“Ky-”

“I told you to shut up.” He said as he produced a key from his pocket. Just as the door opened I realized what was going on. Ben was being distant because he was leaving me behind this door. And as the door creaked opened I realized what it was.

Ben was leaving me in a prison.

“ _You_ will _join the First Order. May it be as my empress or as my prisoner_.”

“Shit.” I whispered under my breath as I took in what was in front of me. The floor was concrete, stained with blood and other fluids. The walls were concrete as well, chipped and cracked all over. There were cells that seemed to touch the sky and run all the way to the end of the universe, and inside of the cells were monsters and aliens and other strange creatures-some that I had never even seen or heard of. The place reeked of urine and excrement, vomit and blood.

When the door opened everyone turned and looked at us. The original moans and groans that I heard before opening the door turned into whistles and some of the most obscene noises and phrases I had ever heard in my life.

“Bring that pussy over here bitch!”

“Come suck my tentacles, little whore. Daddy wants you to suck his suckers!”

“How much for that prostitute you got Commander? I'll fuck her real well and then waste her!”

Not all of it was in galactic basic, there was babble and gurgles and the like. I was sick to my stomach, felt like I could actually vomit right then and there. Instead, I backed up, starting to run away from Ben and that door. I would take sleeping next to Ben any day than being in this prison any day or night. “No!” Ben said as he gripped my upper arm and pulled me back in front of him. “You won't be my empress, then you'll rot in this prison for the rest of your life!” I did my best to pull away, but Ben continued to drag me by the disgusting creatures. Further and further into the prison we went, I was screaming and pulling desperately against Ben's grip, pleading with him to spare me this living arrangement. But he was silent the entire time, just pulling me harder and gripping my wrist tighter until we reached and empty cell.

“Welcome to the Finalizer's prison, Guinevere. You'll remain in this cell until I feel you've earned your way out of it.” The same key that unlocked the door to the prison unlocked the cell the two of you were standing in front of. Inside was more concrete, a small drain in the center of the floor, an and mattress with no blanket that sat up against the right most wall of the cell. “No, Ben. Please don't leave me here!” Across the hall from my cell sat a fat, greasy, old man. He was creepy, missing most of his hair and teeth and was unshaven. He was smiling at me, his gums were bright red and shiny.

I held onto the bars at the entrance of my cell as to stop Ben from pushing me in. “Ben! I'll do anything, I'll go dark, please! I'll be your queen, just don't make me stay here!” I said in between my sobs. Ben eventually freed my hands and pushed me in I landed on my ass on the hard concrete with a loud thud. I looked up just in time to see Ben closing the door to my cell. As fast as I could I scurried to my feet and threw my body against the bars, panting and reaching for Ben's robes. “Ben, don't do this, please don't do this to me!” I cried and cried in front of him, he was gripping my wrists and pulling me off. “We're bondmates, you can't do this to your bondmate.”

“You've had several chances to earn your way to royalty. This is what you've chosen. Have a good night, Guinevere.” Ben used the force to push me back into my cell. I watched sadly as he walked away, instantly feeling lonely and pitiful.

I wasn't alone, however. Because just as Ben walked out I caught sight of the disgusting old man from across the hall unzipping his pants.

 


	12. Chapter 12

I always ate facing the wall. The Storm Troopers would order me to stand with my legs spread and my palms against the rear wall as they slid my plate with four balls of pureed whatever through the small slot in the bars. Two of them were always green and two were always different shades of brown. I could only imagine some sort of vegetable and some sort of grain or meat, but most of the time they ended up mixed together on the floor of my cell because the troopers would push the food too hard and it would fall onto the floor. But when they were feeling generous, I would always grab my food and move to the very back of my cell, sit on the floor, and eat.

The man across from me would sleep all day long except for meal times, and after he was done inhaling his pureed balls he'd strip down to nothing, stare at me, and masturbate. It was the most degrading thing I've ever lived through. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner it was the same thing. I stopped crying about it after my 6th day behind bars. I asked the Troopers to make him stop, what he was doing was borderline sexual assault! All he did was bang his blaster against my bars, causing me to fall back onto the concrete. “Shut up and stay down bitch.” He shouted, waking the man across from me up for him to start his antics once again.

They took my fancy dress on my second day in prison, replacing it with a modest all grey outfit. What they didn't take, however, was the necklace Poe gave me. I had hidden it under the mattress. At night, when I was desperate to sleep but couldn't. The reason really didn't matter, I was now a prisoner of the First Order.

Other than the crude man in the other cell, the storm troopers made sure to degrade me as often as possible. When I had to use the bath room I had to make use of the drain in the center of my cell. When I had a shower they would turn the water on from a faucet in the ceiling, I had no soap to actually get clean with.

So my days went on and on, I held my necklace close to me as often as I could. It still gave me the strength to live on, it reminded me of Poe and I honestly felt like if I listened close enough I could hear Poe telling me everything was going to be okay. At night I would wear it around my neck, and when the sounds of the storm troopers yelling would ring in my ears like morning crows to wake me up, I would remove it. At night my dreams reeked of bravery in every since of the word. Verbal bravery, executed by telling the guards and Kylo Ren to fuck off every morning. Physical bravery, falling from the ceiling and slicing a guards throat, or pushing them through the wall with the Force.

Oh, how I craved the power of the Force. If I wasn't so afraid of the man that was holding me hostage I probably could have made it, could have fought back and worked my way out of this prison one by one, but no. I sat weak in the Force on the floor of this cell, eating my slop submissively as I heard the man across from me stand and unzip his pants. Here we go again.

 

Nights into my imprisonment I was awoken by someone bunching the back of my shirt up and dragging me off of my mattress. Immediately the smell of iron rich blood filled my nostrils and caused my lungs to shrivel. It was dark, 'lights out' as the guards called it when they switched the lights of our hallway out for us to sleep. “Stand.” The single syllable belonged to the modulated helmet of Kylo Ren. I was beginning to wonder when I'd see him again. I had spent many hours contemplating what he would do to me if he were to come back, the majority of the thoughts were violent and scary. Most of them left me content with my prison, it kept me away from him and his unknown intentions.

But now I was scrambling to my feet to obey him, each and every thought about him racing through my mind in the moment. Kylo took a hold of my wrists and I could hear him more than I could see him lock a pair of handcuffs on my wrists. I opened my mouth to protest but Kylo stopped me. “Keep quiet and follow. Do not stop walking.” What other choice did I have? It wasn't as if I could break out of my chains and run in the other direction- toward the back of the prison.

So I took the few steps out of my cell, the smell of blood becoming stronger as I stepped over the threshold of my cell. I was barefoot, and it only came to my attention that I was barefoot when I stepped in something warm and wet that was pooled right outside of my cell. I gasped and jumped away only to have both of my bare feet land in the same wet. I panicked, when I went to bed there hadn't been moping and the man across from me hadn't showered. What was this unknown liquid I was stepping in.

I refused to move at that point, too afraid of what else I would step on. Kylo's boots were thumping away from me and I almost didn't want him to leave. I was alone and standing in a pool of Force knows what, I craved his help since he was the only one around. “What am I standing in?” My voice cracked, I was still tired. The sound of Kylo's boots stopped for two seconds, then became louder and louder, he was coming back to get me. I felt his long arms wrap around my legs as he hoisted me over his shoulder, my butt was in the air and my arms dangled uselessly behind his back as he started moving us forward.

He unlocked the door to the rest of the Finalizer and the cool air hit my toes, freezing them slightly. I didn't have to guess to know where he was taking me, what I did have to to was hope he'd end whatever he was about to do quickly because I knew no good could come when meeting Ben Solo in the middle of the night.

 

Once we made it back to his quarters he dropped me onto the couch. I immediately seized my foot to investigate what was coating it. To my horror, my foot was dark red, completely black in some spots. I bit back the urge to scream, instead shouting to Ben: “Where did this blood come from?”

“Why didn't you tell the guards you were being sexually harassed by that scumbag?” I looked at him confused, he was berating me for being sexually harassed? “I-I did tell them, but they didn't do anything about him.” I wish the guards would have done something, I didn't know how long I was made to watch and listen to him pleasure himself over me, but each and every time it was awful.

“You mean to tell me they let that pig masturbate over you?”

“I guess.” I squeaked. The blood on my feet was drying now, it was uncomfortable and I was starting to connect the dots. “You, you killed that man.”

“I had no choice. I found him pleasuring himself and when I looked into his mind I saw you. I had never felt any kind of rage in my like that before.” On one hand, I was disgusted. I had known that Kylo was a murderer, but for some reason it still put me off that he had murdered that man. I mean, He wasn't actually a threat to me, he was just disgusting and annoying.

On the other, what he was doing was unacceptable. It made living in that cell unbearable and made me want to vomit every day. He had probably done that to several other women before he was locked up on the Finalizer, he was a sexual predator, a perverse sexual predator. If Kylo had ever decided to let him out, or if he managed to sneak out on his own some how he could have hurt a woman. Maybe he did deserve to get put down. No one wants someone like him in the world.

“Come, get clean and then we can talk.” Ben offered, I nodded my head and raised my arms, accepting his offer right away.

 

Ben let me shower, truly what I wanted was a long bubble bath but I couldn't stand the thought of the blood from my feet filling the tub and me sitting in it. It was difficult but I managed to

scrub my feet clean. I felt like I had scrubbed so hard a layer of my skin came off, but I just kept going until my feet felt squeaky clean.

There was a black bath robe hanging on the back of the shower door that I had assumed was Ben's, but I took it anyway since there was no clothes or towels anywhere to be seen. When I exited I was greeted by Ben who was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at me as I slowly made my way out of the bathroom. I was swimming in his robe, struggling to keep it closed and tied as I closed the door all with one hand.

“Thank you, for the shower. And for removing me from that situation.” I said timidly, I figured that I owed him at least that much since he was genuinely concerned about me in the prison that he himself took me to. He stood, walking up to me and taking my cheeks into his hands. They were nearly as big as my head, and I didn't have time to move out of the way before he could pull me closer to him and plant a small kiss on my forehead. It was strange, I knew I hadn't wanted the contact in the first place but as his lips met my skin I felt the little bit of a spark I always felt when he touched me. Then all at once I wanted him even more. I wanted those lips to stay on me even though they belonged to a man who had just killed someone no less than an hour ago.

When Ben pulled away he pointed toward the bed, saying nothing more to me than “goodnight.” I looked at the bed, then back at him. Quickly, my correct state of mind came back to me and I snapped my attention back to him. “No thank you.” I said, trying to push the fact that I was standing naked in front of him save for his giant bath robe. He looked at me, I could see the irritation grow on his face. “You just spent the last 15 days in a penitentiary surrounded by some of the most dangerous criminals of the galaxy, you slept on an old, flat mattress with a dirty blanket and no pillow, and you don't want to sleep in bed with me now?”

I shifted from one foot to the other under his scrutinizing gaze. What he said was partially true, I did want to sleep in the bed; just not with him sleeping next to me. “It's not that I want to go back to the prison, Kylo. I just don't want to share a bed with you.” I was upfront with the man, what was the worst that could happen? If I had to go back to the prison at least it would be that much more tolerable with out that man watching over me and using me as masturbation material.

“But why? Guinevere, why?” I had noticed Kylo's tone had shifted from irritated to desperate, for some reason I was much more afraid of him like this than when he was angry at me. “What have I done to you for you to reject me like you do? What have I done to harm you?” I was dumbfounded. I was sure I had told him in the past that I was afraid of him, plus had he forgotten about the lightsaber marks he gave me?

“You've killed people, Kylo! You even carved your initials into my skin as if to say you own me. I can't live with someone who is so violent, let alone sleep next to them!” I watched as his breathing went deeper and deeper, in his eyes I saw something change. His eyes became dark, and not because of his pupils dilating. He looked angry, looked agitated, but also looked just as desperate as he sounded when he called out to me. In one quick movement he swung his arm and the contents on the top of his dresser-pieces of paper, a few paperweights, various gadgets, and some clothes, all went flying around the room, settling quickly to the ground around me. The action caused me to suck my limbs in as close to me as possible, as if retreating like a turtle would save me from the mess that Kylo was making around me.

“Guinevere, I don't know what to do anymore. The dinners, the fancy clothes and the lovely maids. Did they mean nothing to you? Nothing at all?” He shouted as he stepped toward me, reaching his arms out toward me as if he were going to grab my face once again, this time not so nicely. I didn't know how to answer, I probably couldn't even answer since I was scared out of my mind. I was holding the robe closed still, this time just to keep my hands occupied and to ground myself. “No! They meant, they meant very little to me...they-” I stumbled over my words, wanting to say something just to break the silence and try and see if I could calm him down out of this frenzy.

Kylo threw his arm to the side again, this time his bedside tables and his dresser went toppling over in every which direction. The sounds were loud and scary, I covered my head with my hands because I was sure he was going to lift one of them up above my head and kill me with it. “You just don't understand! You don't-I don't-argh!” He grabbed a hold of my arm and pushed me back, back, back, back up against the wall. My head hit it with a loud smack, I was seeing stars. Once they disappeared the man I was face to face with terrified me.

Of course it was Ben, but it was the angriest version of Ben I had ever seen in my life. His face was red from his ears to his neck. His teeth by contrast were bared white and clenched so hard I could hear him grinding them together. His gums were bright pink, so full of blood just as much as his face was. I could see veins protruding from his forehead and his neck, his eyes were even turning red. Although I originally thought it was out of anger, the small clear tear that trailed from his eye and down his cheek told me otherwise.

Ben was crying.

“I. Love. You.” He nearly whispered to me, the sound was just enough to petrify me still and chill my bones. He was doing all of this out of...love for me? “Guinevere I love you, I've always loved you and I always will love you. You're here, because I love you!” He was confessing all of this in an extremely strained voice, it was so odd to see someone look so angry and be crying at the same time. His tears flowed silently down his face, a sign of his frustration with me.

“You're my bondmate, I've always been told by everyone I'd never have a Force Bond with anyone, that no one would ever love me because I was strange and distant. When I felt the bond with you I was estatic to know I had a mate. You won't stay with me, you aren't receptive to me, you won't even look at me when I talk to you half the time!”

I was in the room with a mad man who was confessing his adoration to me in the most fearsome manor I could think of. Keeping a firm grip on my arm he threw me to the floor, my head was throbbing and I had one single thought on my mind: I need to survive. I had no idea what Ben's intentions were in the moment, did he want to kill me? Did he think throwing me around and destroying things was going to make me love him? I hadn't the slightest clue what he wanted, all I knew was I needed to make it out of this encounter alive.

“It hurt me so much to lock you behind those bars. I didn't want to do it but you left me no choice. I wasn't willing to just let you go, but I also wasn't willing to sit there and hear you reject me time after time. So I had planned to keep you locked in that cell. I wanted to lock you away so you'd at least never leave me for anyone else.

“But I just couldn't stand it, I could hear your woe and sorrow at all hours of the day and night, it broke my heart! You're my bondmate, Guinevere. I can feel every emotion you emit and I just couldn't handle feeling so terrible every day.” Seemingly out of things to throw around the already trashed room, Ben took a few steps to his right and swung his arm forward, placing a gaping hole in the wall. Even though I wasn't strong enough in the Force to feel his emotions through our bond I could clearly feel the anger and heat coming from him. I could tell he wanted to hurt me

I turned on my stomach and did my best to crawl away from him, toward the door to his living room but he seized my ankle and drew me back. “I belong on the dark side, and you do too since you're my bondmate. I love you and I'd to anything to prove it to you, to prove that you can be as strong as I am and you belong right here next to me.” He was quiet as he dropped down to the floor above me, and in that moment the fear that coursed through my veins increased ten times over. He had a wile look in his eye, Ben was a wild and uncontrolable man who was letting his emotions control his actions. When the leading emotion is anger, the outcome would never be good.

Bens hand was at my neck, pinning me to the floor below him as he crawled up my body. The combined weight of his body on mine and the threat of his hand choking me was enough to me to tremble and start to cry. This was it, this is how Ben Solo would kill his own Bondmate. “So please, Guinevere, my Princess...” Ben's face went from well defined in my vision to a blurry mixture of black and red and white. My tears fell from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks, into my mouth and settled on my tongue. I figured it would be the last thing I would be able to remember-the salty taste of my death.

“Princess I am _begging_ you. Put me out of my misery and join me. We belong together, you and I we could rule the galaxy.” I was torn, I was sure he was going to kill me if I said no. If I told him the truth like I had been telling him my life would end right here in his quarters. My friends back in the Resistance would have no chance of ever seeing me again, if they even thought I was still alive. The fight between Ben and I would be over, and no one would have won. Ben would still be lonely and I would have lost my life. I was at a loss, this was a lose-lose situation for me. No matter what I said my life as I knew it now would have ended, in one way physically and another mentally.

So I said no.

And I watch Ben turn from a desperate lover to the murder I found out he was several years ago. His tears seemed to immediately dry up, it seemed like I had gone from his Force Bondmate to just another enemy of his. Maybe in his eyes I had become a Resistance member, a resistance member that mattered nothing to him. Someone he could just dispose of and move on with his life with no regrets.

I gasped for air as his fingers tightened around my neck with deadly force. It was so quick that I went from inhaling normally one second and the next I air flow was completely shut off. I kicked and kicked and kicked and kicked, kicked the air and kicked Ben. I wasn't entirely sure why I was fighting, if I managed to fight my way out of this I would just be held prisoner or some how coerced into the dark side with Ben, what was the point? I relaxed, took in as many sensations as I could before I died. I saw Ben for who he really was in those last few seconds: Evil Kylo Ren, now once again proving himself to be a Jedi Killer. As I felt myself slip away I managed to rasp my final words to Ben, hoping he took them to heart after I was dead and think on his actions, maybe change his ways if he so felt like it:

“Thank you...for putting me...out...of my...miser-”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But wait! There's more :P


	13. Chapter 13

The entire fifteen days Guinevere was locked up in the prison I didn't sleep. The guilt kept me awake for days on end. I would try my hardest to block out her misery while working but most of the time it still seeped through the cracks and I'd give into my grief. When your bondmate is hurting you hurt just as much, Guinevere wasn't just hurting; she was suffering. Some nights I'd lay awake in agony over my decision, trying to remind myself that she chose this punishment and not me. She refused my offer several times so essentially this is what she chose.

But it didn't stop me from shedding my tears. I grieved for my princess, she deserved to have the universe handed to her on a silver platter. But instead she sat rotting away in a prison, sandwiched in between some of the worst criminals of the galaxy.

One night I just couldn't take it anymore, I needed to just see her. I needed to lay my eyes upon my empress, needed to feel her energy and form so close to me again. I had also hoped she had spent plenty of time in the prison to think about what was going on around her, maybe now she'd accept her destiny as my empress as she knew how serious I was about keeping her a prisoner for life. I expected her to fall down at my feet, to beg me for another chance and to finally accept my proposal. I so desperately wanted her to understand that being Force bonded to me wouldn't mean death and destruction.

What I didn't expect to see what someone staring at my princess, masturbating away like she was a porn star on display for him and only him.

I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw that buffoon carrying out such a lewd act against _my_ woman. He turned and looked at me at the wrong moment. The second our eyes locked together it was over. I ignited my lightsaber immediately and stabbed him through the bars. He screamed, held his wound to try and stop it from bleeding but I had none of it. I sawed through the bars and made my way in, continuing my assault on his putrid body, shredding him into misshapen pieces of flesh and bone that no one would be able to recognize.

Of course I removed her from that situation, the blood of the man stained her precious feet and I felt terrible for subjecting her to the man's fluids. I carried her to back to our quarters and allowed her to clean herself. I wanted to just go to bed then and there, but of course she had to put up a fight.

We argued, I raised my voice and destroyed my bedroom all in her name. I pleaded with her to be mine, I was so desperate for her and at that point would have done anything to get her to say yes. I would have chopped my own hand off, would have sold my entire fortune just for her to willingly spend the rest of her life with me.

But she said no.

I lost it. I was livid. I felt myself slipping away as a darker force took over my body, its hand gripping Guinevere's neck and forcing her to the ground in front of it. I watched as her face shaded to dark purples and blues, she kicked and fought for as long as she could before the lack of oxygen caused her to finally relax.

I felt tears dripping down my face as she relaxed under me, I knew she would die and I would soon feel the after shocks and consequences of killing her through our bond. When a Force bond dies out it's ever so painful for the living person, I had learned that when I first started training with Snoke. It was his way of keeping me away from relationships. He would tell me I was going to be too powerful to find time for another person in my life, that I didn't need to fall down the same unsuccessful path of my grandfather. I wasn't supposed to let love get in the way of ruling the galaxy.

I hadn't told Snoke about Guinevere at all and I did my best to hide her in my thoughts. I was lucky Snoke never found out about her, even after I had taken her on board the Finalizer. I knew he'd catch up to me at some point and I'd have to come up with an explanation for her presence in the First Order, but I wasn't planning on it. I had bigger plans, and unfortunately they would no longer involve her.

Everything in that moment changed when I was sure she was gone. She had stopped moving and her eyes had shut. My heart was a black hole, already beginning to mourn the loss of my princess I had let out a small sob. I could feel the life draining out of her and out of me as well-I was essentially losing half of myself. My vision had clouded until I heard her say something, something that ignited something so passionate and angry in my heart.

She challenged me. She thanked me for putting her out of her own misery.

It was then that I realized my Princess would rather face death than spend the rest of her life with me. My own bondmate, my childhood best friend, the one and only thing that had kept me going for this long would rather end her life than rule the galaxy with me.

I became enraged, immediately removed my hands from her neck and watched the color return to her face. He cheeks went from being blue to rosy red in a short amount of time and she opened her eyes as if she was an actual princess waking from a peaceful slumber. I could only think she was counting on dying as well, she was probably waking hoping to be beyond this universe.

She probably thought she had awoken in hell, because that's what I was going to give her.

We both stared at each other, I wasn't sure what I was going to do to her but I knew I didn't want to give her the victory over me by killing her. The moment she realized that she was alive was bittersweet. It hurt my heart to watch her eyes grow as wide as saucers and her jaw to fall slack-all indications that she was afraid of me. But that same look of fear was exciting, I wanted nothing more than for her to lose the satisfaction of dying to get away from me.

Could I say I still loved her? Yes, I would always love her, and I would always mourn the loss of my princess. What I was about to put her through would be far worse than death, I would make her suffer for the rest of her life! I wasn't going to look back, in my eyes she was gone. I had given her plenty of chances to change her mind, even made her live in the most deplorable conditions and she still didn't want me. She was nothing more than a regular prisoner now, the Guinevere that I loved was gone.

“Get up.” I snarled, grasping her by the front of her bathrobe. She became wracked with fear, screaming and crying and twisting and turning and I hadn't even laid a finger on her yet. “No, Ben! Just kill me, please just kill me!” There she was using that name again, the name was no longer relevant and did nothing but remind me of my own painful past. I stood her on her feet and did what I should have done the first time she said it; I slapped her across the face.

She looked shocked, I did it so fast she hadn't seen it coming. Her face was glowing with my hand print and it felt oh so good. “That would be too easy, Guinevere. You are a true prisoner now and I am going to treat you as such.” I said as I took a hold of her hair, dragging her to my front door. Now she would truly regret not becoming my empress.

 

I dragged her all the way to an interrogation room, the biggest one that held the most torture devices. This room was the room we used on all the big time informants, the high ranking resistance members that we capture who refuse to give up information, the mob bosses, the drug dealers who know a little too much. The people who hobble, limp, or crawl out of here often wish they would have complied with our demands in the first place.

I pushed her in the room, it was cold and lonely even with the two of us there. I seized the back of the bathrobe and pulled, intending to pull it off but she just got yanked back with it. “Take it off!” I seethed, my teeth clenched in frustration. “Where are we? Why did you take me here? Why didn't you just kill me?” She was asking too many questions, questions that a prisoner didn't deserve answers to. Her arms flailed to keep the robe shut and on her body, I responded to the defiance by ripping it down the middle. Her beautiful back was exposed, soft and without any type of blemish. The food she was given for the past 15 days had taken a harsh effect on her muscle mass. I could see the knobs of her vertebrae poking out from under her skin. My eyes traveled down her spine to her ass, I longed to set my gaze on that region of her body but there was no time.

She screamed and held a tighter grip on the torn bath robe, clutching the pieces closer and closer to her body. “No, please! Please don't take this from me!” She said as I ripped the pieces of robe out of her left hand and reached for the right. I knew what she was thinking, she was thinking I was about to assault her in the worst way possible, in a way she'd never be able to heal from. She thought I would steal her innocence.

That was, indeed, the last thing on my mind in the moment.

There would be plenty of time for such fun after she really saw what I could do to her and her beautiful body. Secretly, I was hoping it would come to that. I still had a small spark of hope that Guinevere would change her mind before her body exhausts itself from the pain I was about to inflict on her and stay with me, let me take care of her and be my princess. I wasn't counting on it, but there was still that small hope that stopped me from forcing myself on her.

Once I ripped the other half of the garment out of her right hand I pushed her toward the table. It had restraints on it that would keep her head, wrists, and feet in place. I felt her resistance, her unwillingness to move her legs. “You could have been so great, you could have been powerful-maybe even more powerful than me. But you blew it. You deserve every ounce of pain I am going to bestow on you.” I reached under her arm pits and carried her the rest of the way, lifting her onto the table and locking her in place. She was repeatedly screaming 'no,' as if it would have any effect on my brand new motives for her back talk to me earlier.

“Now, how will I destroy you? How do you want me to punish you, princess?” I said, removing my helmet and circling her on the table. “All, I wanted to do was _die_! I want nothing to do with you or this table!” She closed her eyes and just sobbed, doing her best to wiggle her way out of the restraints.

My remorse for her slowly faded back into me, and as I walked over to the wall of torture objects I had genuinely felt bad for her. I had done a good job at ignoring and deflecting the emotions she outputted through our bond, but for some reason now I just couldn't block her out. I reached for the shock baton, starting this torture session out slow and easy for her. I prayed she'd change her mind while I was on my way back to her, the prideful Guinevere deserved this cruel punishment but the lovely, genuine Guinevere, my Guinevere did not.

I walked slowly around to her head and looked her in her eyes. She flicked them to the baton in my hand and then looked back at me. I could see the fear on her face, I'll never forget how she looked at me that day. This was unlike any way she had ever looked, even all the way back to when we were young. The look shook me to my core, I wanted to cry for her, to unlock her and drop to my knees and beg her for my forgiveness, but I knew none of it would get me what I wanted.

I smoothed out her hair as I glided the baton over her delicate body, I dipped the tip into her belly button slightly and brought it back out. I had to suppress my lewd thoughts and think only about the present time, oh what I would do to run my hands all over her warm skin, to kiss those scars I left on her skin years ago. I bent down and rested my lips on her ear, circling the baton around the entrance of her belly button. “I'll give you one more chance. Join me on the dark side, rise to the dark side, rule with me on the dark side. It'll be the best decision you'll ever make, my princess.” Goose bumbs broke out on my own skin, though the words themselves weren't intimate the action was the most intimate thing I had ever done to her.

I felt her still, could hear her breaths slow down as she considered my words. The one small sliver of hope I had developed grew ten fold, finally she was grasping the concept. She knew I was ready to torture her until she either changed her mind or died. I was hopeful, excited even when she smiled at me. I couldn't hold my smile back either. This was it, she was going to finally join me and I could treat her like the princess that she is.

Just as I blinked, ready to unlock her and carry her out of this wretched room, I felt something warm glob on my cheek. I looked down and Guinevere had the utmost look of bravery on her face. She was showing her teeth, her eyebrows were knit downward toward her nose. She looked fierce, the image filled my to the brim with lust and adoration. This was the Guinevere that I fell in love with, my strong and extravagant empress.

“I would rather you kill me than join your deplorable organization.” My face fell, I felt as if someone had just stabbed me in the gut. “I will _never_ join the dark side!”

She was strong and beautiful sitting in front of me, and that was such a bold and admirable move. But I would not allow her to disrespect me like that again!

I wiped my cheek clean, rubbing her saliva on her exposed stomach just like I had wanted to in the first place. As soon as I removed my hand I switched the baton on. She screamed for less than two seconds, arched her back and ground her teeth as currents of electricity ran through her bones. She began to drool, the electricity causing her to do a painful dance on the table. Once I switched the baton off she collapsed, shivering and beginning to scream and cry again. Her fingers and toes were flexing as her eyes darted from each of her hands back and forth.

“I can assure you that doing that was just as hard if not harder on me than it was you.” I said to her, dragging the baton up her body toward her jaw. “Drop...drop dead!” She threatened weakly in between her shallow breaths. “Do you want another one?” I asked as the baton dipped down into her collar bone. It was then that I noticed some lightly charred skin around her neck. I was puzzled, she had no restraint around her neck so I wasn't sure why her neck would be so burnt. I dipped the baton lower, it hit something solid that rattled around her neck.

“No, Ben leave it alone!” She exclaimed, I knew I had found something she had been hiding from me. “What is this?” I asked as I discovered a small silver chain around her neck. I tucked the end of the baton under it and pulled it up. Attached to it was a small purple heart with something engraved on the back. “It's mine!” Her voice cracked, the strong and admirable Guinevere was fading away with the discovery of her secret. “A necklace?” I pulled the chain closer to me, it strained against the back of her neck and she shrieked. “Don't touch it!” I smiled devilishly, even though I was confused about how she was able to hide this from me for the entire time she was here.

“Was this a gift? Who gave this to you?” I slipped the baton out from under the chain and grasped it by the heart. “Some-Someone back at, at home. It's mine, Ben! Don't touch it!” She screamed as my gripped tightened around the minute stone. “I am the only person allowed to gift you such nice things.” With all my might I gripped the heart and pulled, breaking the clasp on the other side of her neck and pulling it off of her. She shrieked loudly, and her body convulsed in the direction I pulled the necklace, one last ditch effort to retain it around her neck.

“Nooo!” She screamed, tears beginning to pour down her face like rain. “No! Give it back, please give it back!” I smiled as I threw it onto the ground and crushed the stone with my foot, Guinevere's face went completely white as she heard it crumble. “Poe...I'm so sorry.” She whispered to the ceiling. I knew exactly who Poe was, I should have known Poe was the one who supplied her with the necklace to begin with. “Oh, Poe gave this to you? This easily breakable piece of shit? He gave you such a cheap necklace. I could give you so. Much. Better!” Angrily, I brought the baton up over my head and brought it down on her sternum, shocking her for a split second and leaving an ugly bruise. “I can do so much better Guinevere. I wish you would just understand!” Another swing of my arm, another bruise on her rib cage and more painful grunts and groans from her mouth.

“You're such a-ah!” I wouldn't let her speak, she didn't deserve to speak to me. Instead I beat her some more, shocking her every step of the way. Down her arms and her legs I unleashed all my pent up frustration and anger. I couldn't believe the maids didn't catch this necklace, or the guards. “I'm a what? Huh? I'm a bad guy? I'm an asshole because I want what's best for you and your future? I'm a bad guy because I want to shower you in gifts and I want to spoil you?” I shocked her again, her body convulsed under the restraints.

“All you have to do is say the word, Guinevere. I don't want to be like this but you leave me no choice, no other option!” I was shouting at the top of my lungs, Guinevere was looking more and more lethargic with every passing second. Would she now die? Would I allow her to have this victory over me as she slips into the loving embrace of death itself?

No, not at all.

 

–

I ached. I ached all over. Even though I was without clothes strapped down to this table, I truly felt naked now that Ben had taken my necklace. The necklace was the only thing that kept me strong, I felt like Poe had packed his own voice inside of that necklace and was speaking directly to me, telling me the dark side wasn't worth it and I could endure anything Ben threw at me to fight him. Even if that included electrocuting me over and over with a stick.

When I had been brought back to life I truly thought it was a sign from Poe telling me it wasn't my time, I had to fight and I had to make it out alive. No matter what I needed to make it back home, I needed to stay rooted in my Jedi ways and not fall to the dark side as Ben did.

But now that my necklace, my rock, my only support system was destroyed? What was I supposed to do?

Ben didn't give me too much time to think before throwing a rag on my face, blinding me and leaving me even more afraid than I was before. I tried my hardest to thrash, to move my limbs and head back and forth to throw the cloth off of me but nothing worked, Ben had me locked down too tight to move.

Suddenly I heard water running in the background. It was sloshing, piling up on itself in what sounded to be a plastic tub. I instantly felt more cold and exposed when I understood what Ben was going to do to me. Drowning was a huge fear of mine, and what he was planning on doing would simulate that fear right here on dry land.

I couldn't breathe for seconds at a time when the cold water poured onto my face. Some of it would seep through the cloth and clog my airways and nostrils. Each time he stopped to refill the bucket I would gulp in as much air as possible, put my mind at ease as much as I could. The short five or six minute breaks gave me enough time to grieve and think seriously about the loss of my necklace. It had meant so much to me, but the message I got from it still rang loud and clear in my ears: survive and come home.

I knew I was strong, stronger than Ben could ever be. I got the white and purple Kyber Crystals, not him. As Ben dumped the fifth container of water on my face, laughing at the way my body would contort at the freezing cold temperature, I decided I would stay strong and stay alive for as long as I could. I couldn't give Ben the satisfaction of joining him or giving up and dying.

This is what my friends and family would want back home. I am Guinevere Zolar. I am as strong as strong can get.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.wattpad.com/user/Jay2Noir
> 
> Check me out on Wattpad. I'm in the process of moving my works onto there as well in preparation for something big. Show me some love!!!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hang on dear readers, things are about to get rough and tough.

I learned that Ben was very creative when it came to torture. He'd hardly ever talk to me when he came to harm me, most days refusing to speak a word. The second day he tied me to a pillar in the room and chocked me using a riding crop pressed against my windpipe for hours on end. I drifted in and out of consciousness that day, allowing Ben to have his sick and twisted fun with me. After he got bored with that he restrained me in the chair again, this time using a remote to push the head of the chair down so I was dangling upside down. The blood ran to my head and I'd once again pass out only to wake up once again horizontally.

In the beginning he'd say it multiple times a day. Borderline begging me to go dark with him, just as he had done during the days before he even started torturing me. As the days went on he asked less frequently, usually once every few days. It seemed as though he was just now understanding that I would never go willingly with him. I was so proud of myself, I stood my ground, albeit weakly, against Ben and his dark side desires. I knew he wouldn't kill me, and I knew he couldn't force me to go dark, the only thing he could do was torture me over and over again until he gave up and tried something new.

In the coming days the only words that came out of my mouth were 'No,' and 'I'll never join you.' Eventually it got easier, Ben started reusing the same torture tactics day in and day out: using the same collar to pound my head against the wall or the concrete floor, using the same two metal piles to crush my feet, toes, and fingers, tying me to the same place on the ceiling by my wrists and hanging me there so that my toes just barely touched the ground. During every torture act I stood tall and proud, and every time he asked I told him no. I was proud to be a Jedi, no matter how weak of a Jedi I was.

At some point it all became robotic, he'd leave me on the table for the night and then come back to unlock me the next morning so he could start his games once again. As he was leaving one night I went out on a limb, my head filled with the bravery that had built up over the last day or so. I was perhaps overconfident this evening, pressing my luck a little too hard and I probably should have known a lot better. But I was high on his frustration with me, I knew that he was exhausted of my denial of him even while he caused me pain day after day after day. It was making him angry, and I wanted to push him, I wanted to have the leg up in these disgusting little sessions we shared. So I asked him:

“What are you even trying to accomplish Ben?”

I said it just as he was leaving, right as his back turned away from me. I thought I had gotten the last laugh of the evening, I thought I had claimed a minute victory over my captor.

But I would have never uttered a word had I known my life as I knew it would end that same night.

Ben twisted around, first his neck then the rest of his body followed suit. I repressed a small grin as he began walking toward me. Although I was happy to be so dignified and out of line with him some of those feelings were melting away. I could feel his anger through our bond, he was offended by what I had said and was slightly embarrassed. He was standing next to me again, his arms crossed behind his back and the visor of his helmet pointed right at me.

I didn't let the fear I felt show on my face, instead I kept my poker bravery face on while he was looking at me. I couldn't let him know I was afraid of him once again, it wouldn't work out in my favor at all. He only stared at me for so long, turning away and speed walking out of the room. I smacked my lips and exhaled once the door was shut and I was alone, I thought he was finally going to kill me for my back talk. Oh well, I thought. He'd be back tomorrow for another torture session, I thought to myself as I shut my eyes. It was good to get sleep before he returned, sleep was the only thing that gave me energy.

 

The very next morning I awoke to him unlocking me like he always did, only this time he had a thick red, velvety robe in his hands. “Get up.” He said through the modulator. He was on edge, I could hear his strained voice through his helmet.

Something wasn't right. Even by just ignoring the robe in his hands I knew there was something wrong with him. He gave off such a terrifying aura, like he was about to snatch my soul right from my body. “I said _get up_!” He shouted, I was so busy focusing on his body language that I hadn't realized he unlocked the cuffs. I sat up and started to pull myself off the table toward him when he threw the garment at me, it was a glorified bathrobe that shimmered in the light and had gold trim in various places.

“What's all this?” I asked as I shimmied the robe on. “Shut up, put the robe on and lets go.” I was happy to finally have something to cover myself with, Kylo had only given me a small pair of white cotton panties that he changed every other day as they were usually saturated with my blood and urine by the time he got me new ones. “Where are we going?” I tied a square knot on the side of my robe and adjusted it, it flowed down my legs and sprawled out on the floor behind me.

“I told you to shut up.” Ben snapped at me, I took a cautionary step back just in case he wanted to slap me. “Follow me.” Were the only words he stated before moving toward the door. I did as I was told, although this time I didn't have the guidance of his hand on my arm as he so often did to stop me from running.

“If you even think about running from me I'm going to make this a lot worse for you.” He didn't even turn his head as he spoke. I rubbed my covered arm as a nervous gesture, whatever Ben had in store for me was definitely not going to be good. I had so many questions, the main one being was my mouthy attitude from the previous night the reason why he was leading me away from the torture chamber?

“Am I being punished?” I asked, the nervous bile bubbling in my stomach would only calm itself if I got even just a bit of clarity. Of course, if he answered yes that wouldn't make me feel much better, it would only create even more evil butterflies fluttering in my stomach. “What part of shut up and walk do you not understand, Guinevere?” He was being stone cold toward me, his princess. It was as if he was throwing me out once again. Maybe he was taking me back to the prison? Maybe back to his quarters? I didn't know and I had no basis to guess, the only thing I could do from here was to silently obey, hoping what was coming would be something that I could handle.

It was a short walk to a big empty room. It was mostly dark space, not a single piece of furniture in sight. “Where are we?” I asked, beginning to panic. The only thing illuminating the room was a set of small candles by the door. Ben grasped my arm and started pulling me into the darkness, I fought back by stepping back and attempting to wiggle out of his grasp. “No! Please, I don't want to go in there, I won't go in there!”

“You'll go anywhere I tell you to go!” He said as he snatched me up by the back of my robe and dragging me into the dark. I whimpered and fought as best as I could, twisting and turning my limbs and body in order to shed the robe from his hands. But it didn't work, Ben managed to take me so far into the dark room that the candles in front of the door we entered were barely visible. The room was so quiet I could have sworn I heard my blood flowing through my ear drums, once again I didn't know Ben's intentions, and I likely didn't want to know. I just prayed it was another simple minded method of torture, something I'd be formidable enough to survive.

“Lights.” Ben spoke, and suddenly above me a bright white light shone. It was angelic, soft, and simple. I looked down at the radius it created around me, it was as if I was on display.

And I was.

When I looked back up I was face to face with eight other people. They were similarly dressed to Ben, long black robes, black gloves, black boots, and black helmets with silver accents in random places. I gasped, took a terrified step back only to run right into the wall of flesh that was Ben Solo. “Knights, meet Guinevere, future princess of the First Order.” I looked around at these “knights,” they were like scary, stiff statues, not moving and not making a sound. “Guinevere, meet the Knights of Ren.” The only sounds in the room were my short and shallow breaths, I felt as if I could pass out in front of all these people just from my fear of them alone. “They all have names, but there's not time to introduce every single one of them.”

I heard Ben remove his helmet and out of the corner of my eye I saw him hand it off to a knight to my right. “Now, we all know why I've gathered you all here today, men and women.” I was struck, within this small crowed there was at least one woman, she was indistinguishable from her male peers, everyone was the same height and same approximate weight. “Guinevere here is having some trouble accepting her destiny as my Force Bondmate and as ruler of the First Order. She also thought it was her place to challenge me. As weak as she is, both physically and in the Force, it was a very tragic move.”

I began trembling in my skin, the word 'tragic' being used to describe my outburst was mortifying. It insinuated that there was no coming back from my act of defiance.

“Be grateful that none of you have ever spoken to me as she has done, because what I am about to do to her counts as a part of her punishment. This is a warning to every, single, one of you: do not be as foolish as she was.

“But, this also is something else. Something I've wanted to do to her since day one.” Ben let go of my robe and my arm, instead running his hands up and down my arms and ducking his head into my neck. He inhaled strongly, sensual vibes echoed from his actions and made me sick to my stomach. “This, is a consummation.”

My heart stopped dead in my chest. The blood instantly drained from my face and I felt my own body go cold as if I had died right in front of these people. “Guinevere asked me last night what I was trying to accomplish with my methods of torture, and truthfully I didn't know what to tell her. I didn't know why I was constantly causing her so much pain, it was just something I felt I had to do. So I went home last night and I thought long and hard, I meditated and finally found my answer.”

Suddenly Ben yanked me back, seizing my collar and my hair. Simultaneously he pulled my head back and pushed me forward, showing me off to the men and women in front of me like I was a doll.

“This woman right here is my rightful empress, and for some reason she won't accept the position. I realized she is still just as strong as she was when we were children, how else would she be able to withstand so much pain and humiliation? I'm still just as attracted to her as I was several years ago.” Ben brought me back against him just as my tears began to make their presence known again. “I will no longer be taking no for an answer, and that's _exactly_ what I was trying to accomplish, Guinevere. I wanted your true answer.”

“My answer is still no!” I shouted, Ben slipped his gloved hand over my mouth to silence me. “Shh, shhh, princess, just hush.” His other hand carded through my rapidly dampening hair. “I realized I had already taken everything I could from you, your dignity, your home, your family, your friends, I didn't know what else I could do. But then I remembered you had one thing left for me...” He bent his head down once more, his mouth rested gingerly on my outer earlobe causing my skin to grow goosebumps. “Your innocence.” He whispered, I nearly fainted in his arms.

“Tonight, I will make you mine whether you want me to or not.”

Suddenly Ben threw me to the ground, I landed face first on the hard concrete. My wet cheek made contact with the ground with a loud slapping noise, Ben quickly followed suit behind me. He fell onto his knees behind me, beginning to bunch up my robe up around my hips and shimmy it upward. “Pay attention, Knights. I want all of you to know that this woman is mine, she will rule with me one day. She will rule over you and the entire Galaxy.” I began to sob, mindless mumbling spilling form my tongue and onto deaf ears.

Ben took hold of my underwear and ripped them from my flesh, exposing my backside to everyone in the room. “No, please don't do this! Don't do this Ben, please!” I tried to twist and turn and crawl my way out of his grasp but he had a firm grip on me. “Panama, hold her down. We won't get anything done with her resisting like this.” He barked, suddenly I saw black moving on black and a knight stepped out in front of me. They knelt to the ground in front of me and took both of my wrists in one hand, stretching my arms out in front of me and pinning them to the ground. Once again I was face down on the floor, my ass in the air and on full display to everyone except for this Panama person sitting in front of me.

I wondered if they were a woman, with a name like Panama I could only assume so, but I couldn't be so sure. I was hoping if she was a woman she'd sympathize with me and find a way to stop this, no woman would ever want to have their body assaulted as Ben was about to do to mine. I craned my neck and looked desperately into their helmet, a final plea to do something to help me out of this position.

“Don't be silly Guinevere. None of my Knights would ever go against my will and help you. You are an example to them, that I can punish them publicly and hurt them just like I am doing to you now.” He said from behind me, I could hear his zipper coming down and the gentle ruffle of of his clothing. I begged and pleaded and cried for anyone in that room to help me, surely none of these people could sit here and watch an innocent girl get raped, could they?

“Let's get this out of the way first.” Kylo said out of the blue, I had absolutely no idea what he was speaking of, whether he was going to say something to me or do something to me physically.

“This part always takes too much time and energy, too much control and is never pretty.” Suddenly his fingers were at my entrance, and not just one or two, all four of his fingers were slowly easing into me. I screamed at the intrusion, bringing my hips forward in a desperate attempt to get away from him. Never has anything entered my most sacred area, and Ben was the last person I wanted to be inside of me. Ben's fingers sunk deeper and deeper inside of me, he was picking up pace with every centimeter he dug into.

I was screaming, feeling stick to my stomach at the new intrusion. “I'm gonna throw up, I'll throw up on you!” I threatened Panama, hoping they'd let go on my wrists so I could have another fighting chance. “Panama don't you dare let go of her.” Ben threatened as his fingers bottomed out inside of me. “I knew you'd be tight, princess. But just like everything else you always surprise me.” I felt him opening his fingers, painfully stretching my walls open wider and wider. I stared straight ahead of me, this was unlike any pain I had ever felt before in my life.

But it didn't stop, it got even worse as my skin began to rip and tear under his fingers. It was stinging even worse than when he would hit me with the riding crop or electrocute me with the shock baton. I had known the loss of my virginity would be painful, but it hurt even more knowing that Ben was forcefully taking it from me.

My sobs went silent as he removed his fingers, my cunt was aching and sore just from his hand. “Plus I hate getting blood on my cock, at least when it's on my fingers it's easier to wipe clean.” I felt his wet fingers slide down my back, marking me with the blood of my own virginity, a small way to claim me before actually taking me.

“Are you ready, Princess? Ready to become the empress of the First Order?” I bawled, picking up my head and looking Panama right into the holes of their helmet. “You can't let him do this to me, please help me!” I knew Ben wouldn't listen to a word I said, Panama was my only hope.

He started pushing in, Panama did nothing. I groaned as I felt his cock making its way into my folds and further toward my hole. I was already in pain, and the fact that his cock felt as if it was larger and meatier than his four fingers put together unhinged me. I was falling a part in front of all of these people, no one would do anything to help me.

“I've been waiting so long for this!” Ben shouted as he pushed himself in further. “I've masturbated to photos of you, I've fucked girls that looked like you, but this? This is unlike anything I had expected.” He was panting, I could tell he was coming a part just as I was, just in ecstasy instead of pain. I took in a deep breath as he suddenly snapped his hips forward, burying himself deeper inside of me than he got his fingers. This was awful, this was downright terrible. I wouldn't wish this kind of pain and suffering on my own worst enemy.

The head of his cock met the head of my cervix and he pressed down hard, it made my guts ache and I once again felt like I was going to throw up. Ben exhaled, grasping onto my hips hard as he pulled completely out of me. “Oh, Guinevere. Thank you so much for this moment Guinevere.” He sounded exasperated, but not enough to forego entering me once more time.

I held my breath for as long as I could, only letting go when he was exiting me as that was the less painful of the two moves. Behind me Ben was panting, quickly losing control of himself as he raped me viciously. I could still hardly believe this was happening to me, convinced it was some sort of sick nightmare I was having back at the Resistance base.

“No, Guinevere. This is real. You are mine and I am going to make you my queen!” From inside of my chest I could feel something growing, something warming up and solidifying all at the same time. It was the strangest feeling, and for a split second I could feel myself pushing my hips back toward him. I was attracted to him, I wanted more of him.

I whimpered as my sex started to tingle against my unconscious will, the strengthening bond making me want more and more of his unwanted touch. “That's right, princess. You want me, you love me.” He grunted as he once again thrust deeply inside of me, causing me to bury my face down into the ground. “No, it's-it's not what I want...no.” I whispered to myself as our bond began to even out. The false need for him ended and I was free to hate every second of this punishment turned consummation.

“Let go of her.” Be said between his clenched teeth, a command obviously meant for Panama and not me. They released their hold on my wrists and just as they did Ben began to flip me onto my back. For the first time since this ordeal started I saw Ben's face, it was a sight I wish I could unsee.

His entire face was red, his eyes were wide and blood shot. He had a vein pulsating down the side of his neck, his hair was damp with his sweat. He looked like a mad man, a sex crazed man who was willing to do whatever it took to get what he wanted from me. “Grab her wrists again, pin them above her head and don't let go.” The look of anger on his face increased as he looked from Panama back down to me. “You're perfect, you feel so perfect my love. You're gonna make, make me-” His eyes shut, clamping down and creating lots of wrinkles around them. He was desperate, his thrusting short, fast, and choppy.

By now I had stopped crying and just begun to take what he was giving me. The only thing I could do was exist at the moment. His movement rocked my body back and forth rapidly, I had stopped fighting him now so that my muscles were mostly at ease. What was the point of fighting off my assailant when he was this close to finishing? Deep down inside I knew this day was coming, I should have started preparing myself for it the night he set the temple on fire. I should have known Ben would have forcefully claimed my body as his at some point, I had let myself down at this point.

I disassociated shortly after he flipped me, staring just as the light and imagining I was back home. I imagined I was laying in a field, the bright light above me was the sun beating down on me and warming my cold, clammy skin. The movement of my body was from some extreme unrealistic and non dangerous wind, and the person holding my wrists was Poe, he was being playful in some sick way. This is what my mind told me, this is what my mind did to protect me.

I was brought back to my ever so painful reality when Kylo slapped me across the face. “You're mine, damn it!” He screamed at me so loud my ears started to ring. I was instantly made aware of of a warm and wet blob oozing down my cheek, had I had control of my hands I would have immediately wiped it off of my face. I might have been a virgin, but I didn't need to have a long list of sexual partners to know that Kylo had just slapped me with his own cum, scooped fresh from my cunt. The tears started once again as Kylo rose from the floor, standing tall and proud with his cock out over me. He held it in one hand, stark white cum oozing from his sex and onto mine. The sight made me shiver endlessly.

“I didn't want our first time to be like this, but you left me no choice.” He tucked himself into his pants and zipped up, reaching to the person next to him for his helmet. Before placing it upon his head he bent down next to me, resting his mouth on my ear once again. “I hope that next time it will be different.” Before leaving he placed a soft kiss on my cheek. I felt the action was so much more perverse than the way he handled my body, so much so I rolled over onto my side and vomited all over the floor. It puddled, pooling out past the rim of the light and into the darkness. How dare he show me such much affection after painfully stealing my virginity. How could someone do such a thing?

“Dismissed, Knights. Go back to your quarters and remember, I am _not_ to be toyed with by any of you.”

The oh so silent Knights then shuffled out of the room, walking statues that seemed ghastly at the moment. Kylo followed suit, and soon it was just Panama and I. I rolled over onto my back when I realized they were still standing there behind me. I stared at them, they stared back. I wish I could have seen the look on their face. Did they pity me? Were they smirking at me, elated with playing a part in my rape? There was no way to tell, and the only thing they did to me before walking away and leaving me to soak in my shame was give me a slight, sad head shake.

 


	15. Chapter 15

I walked out of that room with tears streaming down my face and a huge smile from ear to ear. I had waited so long for that exact moment, the moment I would forever strengthen our bond to maximum capacity. I had dreams about what our first time would be like, but they were never as sweet and savory as actually making love to her as I did today.

Of course, it wasn't consensual. She only had herself to blame for that, had she just complied with me and my wishes in the first place I never would have had to force her onto her knees.

The way our bond strengthened nearly made me lose control. The feeling is quite difficult to describe, but the immense feeling of love and lust that I felt for her in that moment was divine. I was drunk on her feelings and our love, it felt as if my chest was overflowing with lust. There was nothing that could make our bond stronger at that point, the only thing I had left to do was win her over to the dark side, have her swear by the dark and commit her life to the First Order. Only then would our lives be complete.

There was the issue of Panama. I almost didn't even want to invite her to the consummation, but I felt it was the perfect punishment for trying to flee from me. She had to watch as I did to Guinevere as I had done to her several times in the past. She was jealous, she would hate Guinevere since I had completely cut her off. I had told her the only reason why I had recruited her into the Knights of Ren was because I craved her body and I wanted access to it at all times, not just on her home planet. She had shown so much strength and discipline that she would also be a great asset to us, but she nearly ruined it by trying to flee the First Order once I had stopped all relations with her.

This night wasn't about Panama, though, I had hardly given her any thought as I made my way back to my home. The only thing I could think about was when I'd be able to fuck her again, wondering if I should give her time to recover from my assault or not. I could turn around and have her again if I wanted to, or wait a few hours, or days. I didn't know what I wanted, other than to go back home and have a shower.

Once I was freshly showered and quite relaxed I called for my maids. I instructed them to bring the girl here and have her freshen up, she was probably in need of a shower and hungry as well. As always they were too giddy, too eager to please when it came to _my_ princess. When it was just me they were serving they were never this happy. It made me sick.

Once Tia and Marie were gone I decided to redress and take a walk around the base, clear my head and decide on what I wanted to do with her tonight.

 

–

 

The door opened and I lifted my head from my arms which were crossed atop my knees. I had cried the entire time I was alone and I feared who was coming through that door. I was still laying under the glow of the lamp above me, the light had started to give me a headache as I lay on my back so I sat up and re positioned myself.

The two short rotund shadows I saw coming closer and closer to me indicated Tia and Marie were my visitors tonight, the only two people to have treated me with any type of respect on this god forsaken Star Destroyer. I reached out for them, whimpering as I longed for their comfort and familiarity.

“Oh, deary. Oh, Guinevere. How are you doing dear?” Marie said as she bent down, I immediately wrapped my arms around her, curling my body into hers as best as possible. “Oh, my. Marie, I think he-”

I cut her off with a sob, I didn't need her to say it out loud.

“Deary me, Guinevere.”

“I'm so sorry, hun.”

Tia joined in our hug, wrapping her arms around both Marie and I. “I'm, I'm so scared!” I screamed, burying my face in Marie's bosom. “I know, hun. I know. Everything is going to be okay.” Marie hushed, brushing my hair back behind my ears.

Tia let go of us, I watched as she awkwardly backed up and placed her hands over one another. I stared at her, waiting to see what she was going to do now that she saw us still embracing. “I do have to say, we need to go ahead and leave here.” I sat up just a bit more, Marie unwrapped her arms from me.

“What do you mean?” I asked, feeling cold and lonely. “The Commander wants us to take you back home and get you cleaned up for dinner.” A horrible look of disgust covered my face, I felt so nasty that I wouldn't have even wanted to see it. “Home? Where is home?” I asked, my bottom lip quivering. Bile rose in my throat at what I thought they were going to say next. _Home._ Home wasn't here, home was on D'Qar, home was with the Resistance.

Marie gulped, stole a worried look at her sister before addressing me one more time. “Home, Dear. Home back to the Commander.”

The look of disgust quickly turned to anger. I screamed, violently moved my arm to scratch them. Marie gasped and jumped right out of my reach and into her sisters arms, she looked disturbed and frightened at my outburst. “This is not my home!” I shouted at the top of my lungs as I got up and leaped at them. My judgment was clouded, I had never been this aggressive before and I wasn't even aware that I was trying to hurt them. I was just attacking what I perceived to be a threat; I didn't want to go back to Kylo.

“Hun, please calm down! Just relax, breathe and relax!” Tia tried to reason with me but my anger never got any better. The twins held each other as I sat back on my knees, my fingers splayed out on the concrete below me. I still wanted to hurt them, how dare they even hint at the thought of this being my home. “Dear, the Commander just has your best interests on his mind. He wants you to shower and he wants you to eat, he wants you to be feeling better after what happened tonight!”

“What happened tonight was his fault, he's not the one that decides on if I should be feeling better. I decide that!” I got mouthy as I tried to lunge forward, but I soon felt invisible force shackles binding my wrists to the floor. Just as I moved I fell forward onto my face, cheek resting against the cold, unforgiving concrete.

 

_You need to stop acting like you have no home training, Guinevere. Go with the maids before I come down there and take you again._

 

Kylos words echoed in my head, I immediately burst into tears at the sore reminder of my rape and hostile treatment. As the invisible chains came loose, I reached for Tia and Marie. Each one of them took one of my hands and hoisted me to my feet. “Come now, hun. We'll get you back to your home.” As Tia wrapped my robe around me tightly I gave in, no more fighting tonight as I didn't want to see Kylo angry at me again.

 

Back at Kylo's quarters once again I sat in the bath tub as Marie combed out my hair and Tia washed me up. I watched sadly as the once clear bath water turned red, the blood from my back and between my legs mixing with the warm water. Tia noticed too, in an attempt to divert my attention she poured some sweet smelling bath soap into the water and swished her hand around, creating lots of bubbles that surrounded me.

I stared at the drain idly, wishing that once they pulled the plug I would wash down with the water, a fear that I've had since childhood. I was always afraid of what was down the bath tub drain, so afraid my parents had to remove me from the tub before pulling the rubber plug lest I scream and cry all night long. But now? I'd give anything for my childhood nightmare to come true. I'd love to see the monsters and goblins that ate children that were sucked down the bath tub drain. They would never compare to the monster I was currently being held prisoner by.

“Alright, dear. Ready to get out and eat some dinner?” Marie said, I said nothing in reply. Instead I stood, embraced the cool air of the bathroom, and stepped out of the tub. The twins held my hand every step of the way.

They blow dried my hair, moisturized my skin with some fruity lotion, and gave me another massage before assisting me in putting on my dinner outfit. Once I was fully dressed I turned to look at them, awaiting my next instruction. They were both smiling at me quite falsely, they looked as if they pitied me more than anything. I stood waiting for their approval on my outfit, Kylo had finally picked something out for me that wasn't an expensive dress. Just black boots, black leggings, white shirt, and white sweater. The twins did nothing special with my hair, just let it cascade down my shoulders.

“Now just sit tight, dear. The Commander will be here soon and we'll deliver dinner for you.”

“French onion soup with a small salad on the side, won't that be lovely?”

Their smiles shone bright as I ignored what they said, too angry to acknowledge the fact that they had lead me to a table where I would have to face my rapist one more time. Eventually they left, and when I sat alone I made the decision to leave the table.

I wandered around the dining room in a silent protest, they couldn't make me stay at that dinner table and Kylo wasn't telling me to sit back down, I could do whatever I wanted. I ambled my way over to a window where I looked out into the snowy landscape, up at the setting sun and wondered how long my rape actually took. When I was first taken in there it was morning, or so I assumed so since I had just woken up. Now it must be five or six o clock, my stomach grumbled for food that I hadn't eaten all day.

I had absentmindedly gripped a small glass that hung upside down next to the window while I thought, there were three more just like it in a row. I examined it, twisting it around in my hand and looking at my reflection in the glass. I looked just as pathetic as I felt. In a split second, the glass was hurling down to the floor, shattering into pieces, some large and some small. Some were so small it seemed to create a beautiful dust on the floor. The base still stood intact next to the rest of it.

Why me? Why did this have to happen to me? What did I do in my life that was so horrible to deserve such a horrid punishment? Why me?

Rubbing my face I held back the tears, too afraid of what Kylo would do to me if he found me crying this evening. I walked through the massive arch in the wall and into Kylo's living room where I looked idly on at all of these possessions, his massive flat screen TV, his grandfather clock, his long leather couch and his lounge chairs, his library of books and his gargantuan fish tank that housed several exotic predatory fish. Some were colorful, indicating they were venomous. Some were larger with sharp teeth, some were small but with pointy bodies that would hurt anything that got anywhere near them.

Inside sat a small droid that cared for the fish. They would often bite it or attack it somehow when it would move around to clean, or to refresh the water, or to feed it. But because it was a robot it would never get killed by the fish. Why Kylo Ren needed a fish tank full of predators that could kill him? I'm not sure, but I stayed as far away from it as I possibly could.

As I was nearing closer to the hallway I could feel Kylo walking down the hall toward his door. The feeling was like fear, electricity flowed through my limbs in the pattern of his footsteps and I could feel his presence coming closer and closer. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what I wanted to do.

Instead of going back to the dining room I made a mad dash down the hall toward his bedroom, past several closed doors that I was too afraid to even think about what was behind them. The bedroom, the room I had spent the most time in, felt like a safe haven at the moment, I wouldn't have to see Kylo for another few minutes while I was back here. I stood, wondering what my next move would be, I couldn't just stand here and wait for him to catch me. I threw my body at the closet door, opening it just enough to slip my body through and then silently closed the door behind me. I sat down in the dark as I listened to the front door opening and closing.

I hugged my knees as I felt him walk throughout the living room and dining room, no doubt searching for me. I sat as still as I could while lowering my Force signature as best as I could, it was all for nothing really, I knew he'd find me at some point.

I heard nothing for the longest time, I had almost thought he had left without actually projecting it through our bond.

But then I heard him, heard his voice echo throughout his hallways loud and clear:

“ _I thought I told you to have her at the dinner table by the time I got home?”_

His shouting made me jump, he could only be shouting at one of the twins. I felt a twinge of guilt, Tia and Marie were getting punished for me not doing what they had told me to do, it was my fault they were being yelled at. At the same time, I was happy it was them and not me. They worked for him knowing he was psycho and could be as cruel as he was, they should have known it was a possibility.

My blood curled though as the sharp sound of a slap to the face carried faintly down the hallway and through the doors. “ _Worthless. Just fucking worthless.”_ Kylo shouted thunderously. I realized he must have slapped one of them with all of his might for the sound to have come all the way back here, poor Twins.

“ _What are you doing just sitting there, get off the floor and find her!”_ I took solace in the fact that it was either Tia or Marie coming to find me and not him, at least he may or may not be angry with me once he saw me.

“ _You! Clean that glass up off the floor. Order me a new one and it's coming out of your paycheck!”_

I could feel his anger over my actions spilling out of him like magma coming out of a volcano, I knew he knew he could find me, he probably even knew where I was but was instead punishing the Twins by making them find me. They were like my whipping girls, I made poor decisions and they took the fall for me.

I really should have felt more guilty than I was, but I already had enough to worry about. Better them than me getting hit right?

I sat silent for another few minutes, then felt someones soft footsteps enter the bedroom. It was a stark contrast to Kylo's heavy footsteps, obviously it was the Twin that he sent to look for me. “Don't come in here, don't come in here.” I whispered to myself, watching her shadow move from under the door. “No, no, no, noooo” I said as her shadow got closer and closer, her footsteps becoming louder and louder.

It was Tia, she opened the door wide, letting light shine down on me from the bedroom. The first thing I noticed was her extremely swollen left cheek, there was a large red hand print on it as well. Her left eye was watering, slightly red from the attack. I sat there stunned just looking at her, Kylo hadn't even hit me that hard before. “Tia, Tia I'm so-” I jabbered, slowly crawling away from her. I realized how easy it was for me to claim I didn't care so much about them when I wasn't actually seeing the results of my actions on Tia.

“No worries, hun. Let's just get you up and get you to dinner. The Commander can't wait to see you!” She was so happy, so cheerful in her movements as she gently grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. But I could feel her inner depression, Kylo had been doing this to her for a long time now. I wanted to say something, anything to try and comfort her. My outburst from earlier all of the sudden weighed heavily on me, she was being abused by Kylo already, she didn't need it from me too.

She pulled me out of the closet, holding my hand tight. It felt like it was less of a “you're not getting away again” hold and more like a “I need you to hold my hand right now” kind of gesture, the entire situation made me sad. How could Kylo do such a thing? At least his abuse toward me made a sliver of since, but to be so mean to the Twins who have been nothing but nice and cordial toward me? I didn't get it, and I resigned myself to never understanding my captor. All I did was squeeze Tia's hand, sending her a bit of Force energy to let her know that I was sorry for putting her through so much pain.

Through the hallways we made it to the living room, around the corner sat Kylo at the dinner table. Since I didn't have on a big fancy dress I assumed this dinner was informal, all Kylo did was motion with his head toward the chair across from him when Tia brought me out. By the window Marie sat on her knees using a hand broom and dustpan to sweep up the glass on the floor.

I followed my silent cue and sat down, looking on at Kylo as he instructed Tia to go get the food. “I think I've got all of the glass up, Commander!” Marie smiled brightly at him as she showed him the dustpan. “You think? You didn't get all of it?” Marie's eyes widened but her smile stayed the same, she took a step back and raised her arms as if to block herself from Kylo. “No, no, Commander. I've gotten-”

“I want _all_ of it up, you useless thing. All of it!” I shrank into my chair as Kylo angrily yelled at Marie, watched as Marie fell onto the floor to resweep the now clean floor. She smiled the entire time, it was borderline creepy.

I looked back up at Kylo who was now calmly looking at me. “I'm sorry for all of this, Princess. I don't mean to be so angry in front of you.” He said, my anxiety skyrocketed in an instant as he reached over the table and took my hand in his. My disgust for the man came falling back to me as he rubbed his thumb over my knuckles, how could he have gone from being so rude to Marie to so kind and caring to me? “These maids, they're useless. They're just lucky I've found it in my heart to keep them around for so long. I'm looking to replace them soon, with someone who has more common sense than them. You won't have to worry about them for much longer.”

Kylo removed his hand from mine, I felt terrible for poor Tia and Marie. They did their jobs with me just fine, I had no idea what Kylo was speaking about! I felt like I had to defend them, to stand up for them. Someone had to, especially since I felt like they were working for Kylo against their will like I was. “I don't worry about them. I actually like having them around.” I didn't look at him as I said it, instead I looked down at the wooden table “And, and you do know it was me that broke that glass?” Kylo was staring at me wide eyed, my defiance took him by complete surprise. “It doesn't matter how the glass ended up broken in, she knows that Guinevere. The only thing that matters is she gets it all cleaned up. Not how much she _thinks_ she cleaned.”

Marie then entered Kylo's quarters with a giant tray that held two bowls, two plates, and two glasses of water. She placed it down in front of us, then dispersing the food to each of us. “Happy dining Commander, Guinevere.” Tia said as she stepped away from the table. Marie stood straight up and practically ran to the trashcan to dump the glass, afterword quickly standing next to her sister. Again, they both wore fake smiles, I could feel their terror.

“Dismissed maids, retire for the evening and I better not hear a sound from the two of you!” Kylo commanded. As soon as he was done speaking the twins turned and raced down the hallway. I heard two different doors open and shut, then there was nothing.

I had been staring at my soup for a while now, now that it was just Kylo and I. He ate his food all the while looking at me, I wish I knew what was going on in his head. Did he expect me to love him? Did he expect me to willingly have sex with him? Did he just want me to sit here and do nothing? It made my stomach churn, but I still ate. I didn't want him to tell me to eat, the fewer words he said to me the better.

“This morning's events have changed you, Guinevere, as you already know.” He started out, pushing a dark green spinach leaf into his mouth. “You're now bound to me, you're my empress. You're now a leader of the First Order.” I sighed, wanting to shake my head but not wanting the consequences. He had proven to me that he could do whatever he wanted to me, I was sure that included making me rule the First Order. “There's only one thing left to do, empress.” I heard him shuffle across from me, saw him extend out his arm and then quickly draw it back as something fell onto the table next to my salad.

It was my double bladed light saber, a possession long forgotten.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My laptop issues have been eradicated. Also check out my blog, it's about my writing.  
> jay2noir.blogspot.com


	16. Chapter 16

I spent that night by myself on the couch, I was grateful that Kylo allowed me to sleep away from him. Surely if I had to sleep in the same bed as he did like I've had to do the past few nights I'd never get any sleep, too afraid he'd simply roll over and have his way with me sometime while I was sleeping. The thought sickened me. When he commanded me to follow him to his bed room to sleep I simply stood there, wrapping my arms around myself and shook my head. My skin was prickly, the feeling of coming close to being raped again caused me so much pain and discomfort in that moment.

“Where will you sleep then, Princess?” Kylo asked, he sounded annoyed with me and my stance. But what did he know? He had more than likely never been violated the way he violated me. I shrugged, looked around his living room to see what my options were. Honestly I would have been happy to sleep outside on the wing of the Star Destroyer rather than sleeping in his bed. My eyes darted to the couch, then back to him as I declared I'd sleep cold and alone on the couch. He looked at his couch as well, then back at me with a skeptical look. “Are you sure? You're my empress, you should be sleeping with me.”

I nodded my head and took the five steps to get to the couch, plopping myself down and crossing my legs. Kylo sighed heavily as he strode over to me. I curled myself away from him as best as I could, feeling his anger and frustration with me through our bond. Whenever Kylo got frustrated nothing good happened, I expected him to pull me off of this couch and put me in a body lock in his bed.

“One night, that's it. You are my empress, my princess, my _bondmate._ You deserve to sleep in my bed next to me. Do you understand me, Guinevere?” Kylo boomed from above me, his voice sent terrible shock waves throughout my body.

“Yes, yes I-I understand Kylo. I understand.” I stuttered as I pulled my legs up onto the couch and lay down. I thought that if I looked as if I was tired and ready to go to bed he'd leave me alone. “Get some rest, the maids will have you up early tomorrow. We're going somewhere important.” I nodded in agreement, wishing Kylo wouldn't have snatched my saber out from under me at the table once I had reached for it.

Once he had turned from me and gone to his room and shut the door I let all tension in my body out and relaxed as best as I could. One more night spent away from my nightmare.

 

“You are too weak. Too weak for this weapon, Guinevere.” Kylo said as he dropped my saber with the Force. We were in a tugging match, we both held a Force grip on both ends of the saber and pulled with all of our might. It must have slipped from my grip five times before Kylo had mercy on my dignity and stopped it.

He had led me to a gym where he told me to sit in the middle of the floor and be silent. I was terrified, he walked in circles around me just observing. I imagined he was planning on how he'd have his way with me next. I was alone with him in this big room, he could do whatever he wanted with me and no one would be around to hear it.

Luckily, all we did was tug on my lightsaber. He never tried to touch me, made no sexually charged comments, just talked down to me about being so weak in the Force. “Why did you cease your Jedi training?” I stared at him, his brows were knit in an angry scowl, his legs bent and crossed over one another as if he was about to meditate on my answer. This look scared me, he was so concentrated on me and what I was about to say to him. I felt like he was ready to hurt me if my answer wasn't satisfactory to him. “You were always much powerful than me, you probably would have been just as powerful if not more powerful than I am now if you continued. Why did you stop?” I stared down at my saber that rested on the floor between us. My beloved, purple bladed lightsaber. I hardly even got to do it before Kylo ruined the Jedi ways for me. He wouldn't even let me physically touch the thing, it made me so sad.

I got a wild thought, it doesn't take much to use a lightsaber. All I have to do is swing and whatever the blade hits will be cut in half. I already knew the sting of my own saber, what damage just the tip of the blade could do to human skin. If I could just get my hands just onto the button, just on the button that activated the blades, I could do some serious damage to Kylo. All I'd have to do is press the button and jump, the blades would trigger and injure Kylo's legs. I would have to move fast, lest I would damage my own legs in my attempt to get away. I looked back up at him, he was staring hard back at me, still waiting for my answer.

I swallowed, deciding to go on with my plan to try and injure him. I couldn't take another day with my rapist and captor, I couldn't stand to see him abuse the Twins in front of me. It made me too sad, I hated Kylo Ren with a passion. What gave him the right to treat other people as he did, to kill them indiscriminately, to rape and to torture innocent girls? He deserved nothing, he deserved no one, I needed to get out of this awful situation.

“I just...I didn't have a great teach-” I cut my answer off to speedily reach for my saber, using the Force to pull it toward me as quickly as I could.

 

–

Poor, poor, Princess. So weak in the Force that she couldn't even mask her thoughts or hide them from me. I heard her entire rant, saw inside of her head as she made the decision to try and fight her way out of my life. Internally I laughed, I just went over how weak she was and here she was trying to snatch her lightsaber out from under me and harm me with it. From the way she stuttered I could tell she was about to reach for it, and when she did I made sure I was faster. Using the Force I yanked it from her grasp, it flew into the air and into my hand.

“Did you not hear a word I just said, foolish girl? You are _weak._ Both in the Force and physically. Did you honestly think you had any chance of using this weapon against me? You can't even suppress your own thoughts.”

Her cheeks glowed red, she sat sadly back on her ass and sulked, refusing to look at me. She looked only at her weapon, I could feel her longing for it even more now that her plans were foiled by me. “If you want your saber back you're going to have to work for it, Guinevere.” I tucked her saber back into my pocket, safe and sound away from her. She looked up at me, her eyes glistening with newly formed tears. “I am willing to train you, once you're ready you can have it back and you can try to do whatever you want with it. Do you understand?”

She stared on, I thought it was cute that she was now trying to hide her thoughts from me. She was doing a pretty horrible job, I caught just a few words that were jumping out of her head and into mine as if they were refusing to be repressed. “ _Strengthen,” “Away,” “Fight,” “Home.”_

I didn't have to look into her mind to know that she was going to accept my terms, if only to try and kill me so she can go back home.

She was definitely wrong if she thought she would be killing me. I needed her strength and power to end someone else's life. I was training her for a purpose, to do something so big and important not only to me, but to the First Order and the entire Galaxy. I knew with the promise of her lightsaber she'd accept, and if she tried to use it against me I had ways of correcting her.

“I'll do it.” She said, triumphantly, looking at me right in my eyes. I smiled at her, through our bond I could feel her becoming just slightly stronger as she took on my negotiations. “Good.” I said, grabbing her hand and pulling her to her feet. We stood so close in the center of the room, her attention on I and my attention on her. She was so beautifully strong, it made me shiver just admiring her. I took a hold of her head and kissed her cheek, she grabbed onto my arms and tried to pull away from me but as always I was successful. She still didn't understand that I got to take whatever it is that I want, and what I wanted was her.

 

I led her back to my quarters where I took her into the bedroom and told her to strip. Her eyes went wide and she started to panic, suddenly moving as if she was dancing on hot coals. She was prancing away from me, holding her arms out in front of her as if she could stop me. Her emotions came through so strongly that I even started to panic along with her. Unlike her though I was much better at masking my emotions, it was a skill that I would have to teach her if I wanted her to rule the galaxy with me. Her resiliency from earlier reminded me of why I was doing all of this, I wanted her so badly. In this moment, however I wanted her body, not just her beautiful spirit. I wanted to remind her Just who she belonged to.

I froze her with the Force, ripping her clothes off and letting them fall to the floor at her feet. The look of fear on her face never went away, it was a look I'd never forget. My poor Princess, so confused and afraid of no other person than her bondmate. The guilt nagged at me, I never had to force any of my concubines to lay with me, and Panama would often obey me when I would direct her to bed. I felt terrible for having to force her into being intimate with me but I had no other choice, our bond depended on it and I knew it would benefit her in the end.

Once I freed her she thrashed her arms about, screaming and clawing at me to get me to let go of her. I held my arms tight around her torso, moving both her and I out of the way when she violently jolted her body about. She pleaded with me as I placed her into the bed and mounted her, fished out my cock and moved my hands up and down her body. I drank every inch of her in, able to take my time and really feel her this time around. Having her in front of my Knights was great, but having her all to myself where I can take my time with her? Even better.

“You need this Guinevere, and I need it too. Our bond needs to be as strong as it can be for your training. Just relax.” Slowly, I pushed the head of my cock into her, ravishing the feeling of her tight walls. A shiver went up my spine, she was so perfect. No other woman that I had fucked felt this good, I couldn't believe that I had waited so long in my taking of her. She was sobbing underneath of me as I moved in and out of her, my rhythm was even and slow for the most part. The first time I had her was meant to be a punishment, this time I wanted it to be pleasurable for the both of us.

“Shhh, shh, please just relax Princess.” I said, my body twitching as I could feel her starting to slicken up around my cock. “This is much more enjoyable without my men around, isn't it?” I tried to calm her, reassuring her that we were alone but nothing was working. She was still crying under me and begging me to stop. I watched as her arm flew out to my bedside table, her fingernails dug into the wood. With each thrust her nails scraped the table, creating such a disturbing noise.

Even with all of the distractions she was still beautiful, still desirable, she was taking me so well. I admired Guinevere more than anything, her spirit remained unbroken even though the kidnapping, the torture, and the rape. She was still my ever so strong Princess, the woman I fell in love with when I first laid my eyes on her.

All too soon I was spilling my seed in her, unable to control myself. I stilled as every drop shot into her, staring at her face as she went quiet and wide eyed. Our bond was strengthening even more, it felt like sparks running up and down our spines. I was shaking as I came down from my orgasm, satisfied with both her and I. As I pulled out of her I leaned down and kissed her hairline, resting my forehead against hers. “Thank you, princess. It will all be over soon.” I assured her, she said nothing to me, just stared out past my head with her jaw slightly agape.

“You'll learn to like this, I promise.” I said as I dipped my head into her neck and latching onto her warm skin. I sucked bruises into her neck and could taste the residual salt from her tears. She just didn't understand how much I loved her and it broke my heart every time I had to hurt her like this.

 

–

 

I stayed in bed after Kylo had his way with me again. The feeling of our bond becoming stronger and stronger stayed with me after he left. I watched as he near silently tucked his cock back into his pants, leaned down and tried to kiss me on my lips. Just like earlier I fought him, this time with tears streaming down my face. Lots of small “nos” and “stops” escaped my mouth as I struggled to roll over, to get as far away from him as I could. Instead Kylo held me down tight, forced his lips against mine just as he forced his body atop of mine. He sighed heavily, looked down at me with a weighty look of disappointment. Why would he be so disappointed in me when he was the one causing my every day detriment? I huffed, angrily turning away from him and further burying myself in his covers.

“One day, my Empress. One day.” He said, turning away from me and leaving me alone.

My loins hurt, even with the small bit of pleasure he had given me. I couldn't believe my body had betrayed me as it had. Internally I was close to begging him not to stop, to keep hitting the spot he was able to reach fucking in and out, deep inside of me. I hadn't felt anything like it before. I was under the illusion that sex required love, sex required mutual consent from both parties involved. Not only sex, but orgasms as well, I had never had one because I was too afraid to get that close to Poe, to commit myself to him.

But obviously, Kylo had proven me wrong.

I worried about the future, how he'd take over my body and how my own anatomy would react. What would happen if I orgasmed against my own will? Would Kylo be proud, would he feel honored? Would he count it as further claiming my body? The thought itself was revolting. I assumed it was my body's response to an awful situation, a mere coping mechanism. It had nothing to do with feelings or pleasure, it was just instinct. An instinct that I would never forgive my body for creating.

 

The next day I awoke in bed alone and sore. The sun hadn't come up yet, but there were no clocks in Kylo's room for me to determine the time. I was confused, very rarely did I ever wake up this early on my own. Back at home when I had the opportunity to sleep in I always slept until 10 or 11 AM, with Kylo the Twins always woke me around 8. I sat up in bed, nothing was moving and there were no noises in his room. Just as I was about to lay back down and sleep Kylo spoke in my head:

_Good morning, Princess._

I groaned, I was tired and my lower region was still hurting from his attack on me yesterday. Kylo was the last person I want to speak to right now. I started to lay back, pushing him out of my mind as hard as I could. The result was he was in my head stronger, pushing past the weak barrier I had conjured up.

_No no, Guinevere. This is the first part of your training. Discipline. There is no reason for you to sleep so late anymore. You must wake up._

I shut my eyes harder, the man was ridiculous. He has his way with my body so many times and he can't even let me sleep to when I want to? What did waking up early and having nothing to do till breakfast have to do with being well versed in the Force anyway?

_You can sit there if you want. Tia and Marie will be in shortly to get you ready. I've instructed them to come for me immediately if you're still asleep, I will come down there myself and get you up. I promise when I say you will not like that at all._

As much as I wanted to rebel against him I knew my body wouldn't be able to take another punishment from Kylo, at that point I didn't think I could survive another rape so soon. So with a heavy heart I rose out of bed and into the cold room, my body completely exposed to the cold air. I moved to the window where a giant black leather armchair stood and sat down in it, stating out at the black abyss of space. I released a sigh and held my cheek in my palm, this was going to be so terrible, I could feel it. But the reward would be so sweet.

the Twins came about twenty minutes later and dressed me in some regular looking clothes, black shirt black leggings and black combat boots. They tied my hair back in a tight bun and gave me no makeup for the day. It unnerved me to see Tia's cheek, instead of it being swollen and red it was now bruising, yellow and black in the rough shape of a hand print. I didn't bother to ask, there was no use in bringing up bad memories.

I wondered what was on the agenda for me today. I wasn't dressed in fancy clothes so I figured there was going to be no extravagant dinners. The Twins would give me no hints, they barely even talked to me when I asked them questions. I feared what Kylo had said to them before I woke up this morning, they were normally very excited and giddy around me but today they kept mostly to themselves.

“Am I going anywhere today?” I asked at one point. “Yes, Miss Guinevere. I believe so.” Marie said as she brushed my hair. I could tell I had been on board for quite some time now as my hair had grown about another inch. It had also lightened up quite a bit due to a lack of sunshine. “Where?” Marie refused to look at me, not even meeting my gaze in the vanity mirror she had sat me in front of. “I don't know, Deary. The Commander just asked us to get you ready for training.”

“Oh, so I'm training today?”

“Seems to be so.” Tia said. I noticed Tia hadn't smiled at me all day long, the way Kylo treated them broke my heart so much. “Well, I guess that's a good thing.” I said, the Twins ended the conversation by not saying anything else.

They left me alone after getting me ready, only leaving their separated rooms to bring me food and whatever else I needed. I ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner alone, I sure could have used the Twins company. My mind went a million miles a minute trying to think of what this training Kylo entailed. I knew he wanted me to be stronger in the Force, but I didn't know why. It seemed as if “ruling the galaxy” with him wouldn't require a ton of strength in the Force, and I was sure he wouldn't want me to fight either him or anyone else. It was a strange request, but I had a specific reason for accepting his offer.

With Strength, I would gain power. With power, I would gain victory. And when I claimed my victory over Kylo Ren, my rapist, my kidnapper, my captor, and my own Bondmate? My chains would be broken. I smiled to myself, a warm and hopeful feeling radiating through my body. I can do this, I am strong and I am resilient.

The Force will set me free.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you're a light side Jedi girl but you accidentally recite a part of the Sith Code. What could that mean?


	17. Chapter 17

My training consisted of waking up early every morning, as early as Kylo saw fit, then going back to the gym like room to “train.” When I say train I mean I had to sit in front of Kylo as he taught me the first few steps of becoming a Jedi, just as Master Skywalker did with us at the temple. I wasn't training to become a Jedi of course, he was grooming me to be what he wanted me to be instead.

We often sat across from each other, he taught me how to control my breathing and then how to meditate the first few days. I had to admit that meditating was a skill that I had never kept up with, I never liked meditating. After each session with Master Skywalker he would remind us to do our daily meditation back in our dorms but I would often skip out, insisting instead to tweak my lightsaber or practice my battle moves. Sitting still and just thinking just wasn't really my thing.

“It's more than just that, silly girl.” Kylo interrupted my suspended train of thought. I opened one eye and found him sitting in the exact same spot with his eyes still closed, his body was relaxed and tension free, it seemed as if he hadn't had a care in the world at the moment. “Meditation is fundamental for Force training. Without meditation there would be no Force.” Yeah, sure. I shrugged him off without a word, further hunkering down and starting the process over again.

Breathe in through my nose, out through my mouth, focus on my breaths, and just feel the Force moving freely within me. Even though I had lost a lot of my abilities I could still feel the Force a tiny bit, deep down in the pit of my stomach, floating around like a trapped balloon. Kylo would tell me to focus on that feeling and that feeling alone for as long as I could, following the balloon for as long as I could before an intrusion would make its way into my mind, another thought perhaps, a realization that my bladder was full, or whatever. Then the balloon would pop, leaving me empty inside and nothing left to focus on but my breathing.

When that would happen I would often get frustrated, letting out a harsh sigh and repostioning myself. It only further worked against me because then I wouldn't be able to focus on my breaths and I'd be too aware of what was going on around me. Kylo would notice this as well, he'd always try to correct me. “Sit up straighter, don't breathe out so fast, place your hands on your thighs instead of your knees.” It all got so old and worn out that when it came time to finally leave the gym and head back home I was nearly jumping for joy.

One way that Kylo found to correct me and help me feel my Force energy once more was to reach out to it himself. He would sit me down and tell me to stay completely still. He held my hands in his, closed his eyes, and just concentrated on the Force. I could feel his energy leaving his hands and flowing into mine,it felt like hot electricity running up my arms. It always made me jump at first, made me feel like something was forcing it way into my body that didn't need to be there. It always evened out a few seconds later, running down my shoulders and into my torso. It would free fall down into my abdomen and then take a hold of the balloon, cradling it and keeping it completely safe.

It felt incredible to feel our Force signatures mixing together. Kylo and I truly felt as if we were one. There was no yelling, no hiding thoughts, no hurt or sorrow, it was only us and our bodies and our Force signatures coming together. Kylo would protect my Force energy with everything that he had, it was almost as if he didn't want me touching it either. When I tried to focus only on my Force energy he would push me out, he wanted my energy to be only for him in those moments.

Our meditation sessions would come to an end and from there I was left to myself in Kylo's quarters. A normal day would consist of just waiting until the twins would feed me lunch and dinner, then I would shower and wait for Kylo to get home. I would lounge on his couch, or sit at the dining room table, or simply observe the predators in his fish tank while I waited for instruction on what to do next. More often than not there would be nothing for me to do, at least until Kylo got home and forced me to fill his sexual appetite.

It took him three days to have me again. I had fallen asleep on the couch that afternoon listening to some music on the radio. I woke up drowsy and impotent, Kylo was taking my hand. The sun wasn't out and I had assumed he was just leading me to the bed to go back to sleep. I swayed in the middle of his room, holding onto his shoulders to steady myself as he removed my clothing. I still hated being so nude around him but at this point what choice did I have? I had stripped and clothed myself in front of him, shown him every inch of my body by now. It didn't matter at all anymore.

I waited for him to hand me my sleeping clothes but he never did, instead pulling me toward the bed as he himself started pulling off his clothes. Once I realize what he wanted I immediately woke fully, pulling away from him and fighting back as best as I could. He cooed and shushed me like an infant as he over powered me, pushing me into the bed and onto my back. He unclothed himself, starting with his shirt and cloak. My instincts were telling me to roll away from him, but my eyes were telling a different story.

My own eyes betrayed me, roaming over every inch of his bare chest. I just couldn't look away, his well toned muscles, his slim waist, and the thin trial of black hair leading down into his pants. He aroused me, as much as I hated to admit it the man was incredibly alluring. My eyes traveled down further to his crotch, I could just barely see his growing erection in his black pants. I was shaking, could the bond have grown this strong that I was now getting turned on by him, or was this something else? Something deeper, more sinister, something that Kylo had control of?

“Stop that!” I shouted, scooting back up to the headboard of the bed. Kylo stopped unbuttoning his pants to look down at me. He looked confused, furrowing his brows at my two little words. “Stop what?” He asked, his voice rising to the top of his lungs. For a moment I didn't even know what I was asking him to stop. I sat there like an idiot in front of him as he stared at me, when I didn't answer he continued to strip. My eyes were glued to him as he performed the action, watching him as he slipped his pants down his muscular thighs. Now he stood in just his underwear, I got a clearer impression of his cock. Just as he took a hold of the waistband of his briefs to pull them down I was hit with a sudden realization: This would be the first time I would be seeing him naked.

The thought should have repulsed me, should have sent me flying out of this bed and through the nearest window. But I stayed stationary, feeling the wetness in between my legs increase at the idea of seeing all of him for once.

“Stop it!” I said, shaking my head back and forth and taking a dive to the floor. I couldn't explain my feelings for the strip show going on in front of me and it conflicted me to no end. Before my body could even leave the bed Kylo caught me by my ankle, hauling me with one arm back to my original spot atop his plush comforter. Kylo climbed on top of me and stood on his hands and knees over me, I was shaking in anticipation. “What is it that you think I'm doing that you want me to stop?” I shook my head, even though our bodies were so far away I could feel his body heat surround me like an colorless aura.

“Stop, stop manipulating me with the Force!” It was the only explanation I could come up with as to why I was so incredibly turned on by him of all people. A tiny smile appeared on Kylo's mouth and he dropped his head down, his soft hair brushed my face as he did. “Manipulating you to do what, Guinevere? What are you doing right now that makes you believe you don't have control over your own body?”

I pouted, not willing to tell him I was currently lusting after him. I would admit to Kylo Ren that I was the least bit attractive to him when I was dead. I turned my head, now accepting my next rape at his hands bitterly, wishing he'd just get on with it. The faster this got on the faster I could just go back to sleep.

Suddenly he leaned up, his hands were holding my thighs apart and spreading my legs open. His smile went away and his same hardened look he always wore appeared. “Oh, I see.” He said. One of his hands moved from my thigh straight to my sex. I gasped as he plunged two of his fingers into my cunt, jumping as to try to get away from them. His cock was big and stretched me wide, I wasn't used to his much smaller and skinnier fingers. “ _This_ is what you are talking about. You want me.”

“No-! Oooooh!” I started to protest, but instead was blown away at the sensation of him curling his fingers against the walls of my sex. I had never felt anything like what he had done to me, it felt even better than the last time he forced himself on me. “That's right, Princess. Moan for me. You think I'm playing mind games with you in order to make you this wet, think I'm utilizing the Force to make you this wet? Not a chance, even if the Force could do things like that I wouldn't have to. Our bond is growing more and more every day, now you're starting to react to it.”

He removed his fingers and the placed them on my temple, dragging my juices down my cheek and to my chin. “Look at how wet you are for me, I've barely even touched you and you're already so aroused.” I tried to turn away from him but failed as he gripped my wrist and held me where I was. I looked over at him, both terrified and wantonly. I felt an uncontrollable desire for him to touch me, to kiss me all over my naked body. I wanted his body on mine, I wanted him.

I wanted my bondmate.

He was sitting up over me as he pulled his underwear down to his knees. As his erection bobbed free a small clear bead of precum oozed from the head and onto my exposed belly. I started to shake my leg, a reaction to the ache that had formed between my legs. He was huge, his cock stood straight at attention while he slid his hand up and down, spilling even more warm precum onto my hot skin. As he continued to jerk himself above me he swiped his two fingers on his hole, I fought as he brought his fluids onto my lips and tried to pry them open.

“Have a taste.” He said nonchalantly, as if he was asking me to try some new alcohol. I shook my head rapidly, his fingers slipped away from my face as he did. That was something I hadn't ever in my life thought about doing to a man, the act was so lewd and deviant it made my stomach churn and I almost vomited all over Kylo and his bed. I heard him chuckle, then he was moving off of me. I thought of it as a small victory, thought he had enough fun toying with me and he was finally going to leave me alone.

Instead I found myself reeling off of the bed, Kylo's fingers threaded tightly in my hair as he pulled me to the floor. I skidded across the carpet as I landed on my knees causing them to glow red with rug burn. As soon as I looked up I was face to face with Kylo's cock, the head deep purple and filled with blood. “Perhaps you want it from the source?” I felt my clit throb at his words, could feel my thighs growing slick as my own juices began to overflow from my cunt. Being so close to his cock, seeing him standing so tall, naked, and proud above me. This was all so wrong, I couldn't want him like this!

“Open up Guinevere, open your mouth for your bondmate.” I bit the inside of his cheeks at his request, he could have my cunt but not my mouth. I kept my jaw locked shut as he squeezed my cheeks, using the little bit for Force power I had left in my favor. I squealed as he squeezed with all of his might, afraid he may accidentally break my jaw into pieces. It all ended soon though as he removed his hand from my jaw and instead squeezed my nostrils closed.

My eyes grew wide in terror as I sat inhaling absolutely nothing; Kylo cut off my air supply in order to make me open my mouth. I felt tears prick my eyes as I quickly ran out of oxygen and was forced to part my lips. Even though they had only parted just a tad Kylo took advantage of the small window he had and forced his way past my lips and in between my jaws.

He tasted like skin. Albeit kind of sweaty and kind of salty skin. It wasn't anything too gross, the only thing that put me off was the fact that this is where his piss came from too.

All apprehension left me, however, when he started to fuck my mouth. There was just something so erotic about everything going on around me: the sight of him moving his hips forward and back in front of my face, his massive cock on my tongue, the huffs and puffs and other wet noises filling the air around me, the feeling of him accidentally pulling on my hair. It all contributed to my arousal, I was mortified when I felt an orgasm creeping up on me. I couldn't understand why I was behaving like this, why I was just allowing this man to fuck my throat like it was the most normal thing in the world. While my mind told me no, I didn't want this and Kylo was simply raping me once again, my body was singing to the gods, brimming to the top with pleasure that was on the verge of not being able to be contained.

Around my hands drool pooled onto his carpet, now both ends of my body were wet for him. “My lovely Princess.” Kylo rasped, my experience with him told me he was getting close to cumming himself, the sporadic movements and fluctuations in his tone of voice indicated that he was about to cum in my mouth and soon I'd be able to taste that part of him as well. “You get so aroused, you don't know it yet but soon you'll be begging me for this cock. You'll be begging me to stick it in every hole in your body.”

I was shaking, this was the close I had come to orgasming ever. But I didn't think I could cum by just sitting here and listening to him, the pulses and aching in my sex needed relief, needed stimulation. I lifted my hand and quickly brought it to my cunt, at first just resting it there as I figured out what I needed to do. I had never done this before, never even dreamed about bringing myself to orgasm with my fingers, this was entirely new to me.

My instincts told me to just rub, rub and hope that the action brought me relief. But before I could even move my hand there was an invisible metal cuff at my wrist, pulling it down and anchoring it to the floor. “No, princess. Not tonight. The only person that's going to be cumming tonight is me.” Kylo said as he rapidly flicked his cock in and out of my mouth, creating painful friction on my tongue. His words put me close to tears, with how badly my cunt was throbbing with desire I felt it was cruel. I groaned around him, right when he was at the back of my throat. In response Kylo moaned even louder, from the wild look in his face and the wild noise that came from his throat I knew he was going to be done for in just a few more thrusts.

It took two more snaps of his hips before my mouth was being filled with a salty substance. The head of his cock rested on the tip of my tongue as it released its seed into my mouth, both of us were still as the process took place. He was doubled over, both of his sweaty hands in my hair until he had finished spilling himself. He looked up very composed, his face was flat and unreadable as he let go of my hair and pushed his damp hair out of his face. With a small jolt and blink he removed his cock from my mouth and used his old T shirt to clean it off.

I was sorely disappointed that he wouldn't allow me to cum, the ache in my loins was disappearing but instead I was left with an empty feeling in my gut. All of my reasonable thoughts returned to me at once: I was kidnapped by a murderer, being forced to endure sex with him, am now being forced to train with him, and I held his heirs on my tongue. I was a mess, I was disgusted and disgusting.

I didn't know what to do with his sperm so I simply started to spit it out onto the puddle my saliva created on his floor. I watched as the globs of white cascaded from my mouth and onto the floor, a solumn feeling washing over me as wet plopping noises echoed around me. There was so much coming from me at once, I couldn't believe how much sperm that man could hold. There was one thing I did know for sure: I didn't want to do that again any time soon. Once my mouth was cleared I looked over to Kylo for instructions on what to do next, trying to ignore the mess that sat at my finger tips.

“Bed.” Is all he said to me. I knitted my brows down in frustration, it couldn't be time for bed yet, he hadn't given me my sleeping clothes. “No clothes tonight, you lost that privilege.”

“How?!” I shot up, feeling a slight chill dance across my skin. “Because you ruined my carpet.” I took a small intake of breath and then looked back down at the wet spot next to me. “That wasn't my-”

“Next time, you'll swallow it.” He cut off my protest as he pulled me toward my side of the bed by my arm. “Now get in bed, not another word.” I obeyed without question, my insides still feeling funny from not being able to cum. I hunkered down, pulling the blankets up to my chin and simply shutting my eyes. I felt Kylo's side of the bed dip down and heard the light turn off, a good indication that any more sexual activities would be ceasing for the night. Kylo sat still for a second, then turned toward me. “Roll.” was the only thing he said, again I obeyed him, rolling so that my back was facing him.

For the first time he spooned me, draping his arm over my mid section and pressing his face into my neck. I felt him sigh, his breath traveling down my spine like a gust of wind. The two of us were silent, save for the sound of our breathing. For once, I was comfortable in his embrace.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My laptop is completely broken, I had to send it for repairs.Since this is a requested fic I've been continuing it on my husbands tiny laptop/tablet thing, but I won't be working on my other fic. This thing is so small and uncomfortable to type on that I would rather just be writing one fic for now.


	18. Chapter 18 ***Read Beginning note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Few lovely reminders and warnings for my dear readers:  
> 1\. This is a requested fic. Something I did not come up with on my own. Although I've added a lot of my own styles here and there this story is still owned by Wicked_Elsa. This crazy chapter didn't come from my own mind lol.  
> 2\. There is murder and gore in this chapter- just a warning. Skip over it if you wish, once you read about the twins dragging Guinevere out of the gym room just scroll to the bottom of the page where I'll post a short summary of who killed who and what happened afterword in the end notes  
> 3\. My other means of writing just ended, and I had to instead download this chapter onto my phone, copy it, and then paste it onto AO3 all while on my phone....work with me here lol. My laptop is on my way back home and I'll fix the chapter back to the way I want it as soon as it gets here next week.  
> 4\. This work is actually near finished, I can't say how many chapters are left but according to the storyline we're closer to the end than we are to the beginning.

The conflict that I felt about that night never ended. In fact, it increased every time Kylo fucked me. In my mind and in my speech I never wanted any of it, I would continually shout at him and try my hardest to move out from under him. He would always just shush me, telling me it was good for me and it was especially good for our bond. He told me sex would make me stronger, would make me more in tune with my own body and his. I never believed a word he said, I wholeheartedly thought he was doing it for his own gain.

My body thought otherwise. Always at the sight of his rock hard member bobbing toward me I'd start losing control of my self. My body would warm, my cheeks would blush, my mouth would water, and my underwear (if I was wearing any at the time) would grow damp. Over time I noticed it became easier for him to glide in and out of me, my walls were wet with desire for him, a man that killed all of my friends and family. 

He would never let me cum. My need would build so much that I had to suppress the groans and moans, force them back down my throat from where they came. I was too afraid it would show him how much he was breaking myself and my body down, creating an urge that only he could satisfy. Not only was there the torture of nearing orgasm with Kylo, but while he was gone there was a longing beginning to form. Over the next few months I would find my mind wandering to the nights we shared in bed, the sex would replay in my head over and over. It had gotten to the point where I would get wet just sitting at the dinner table, or while meditating in front of Kylo, it was embarrassing. It killed me to know that my body and my mind were on completely different planes.

I tried my best to bury my thoughts about Kylo deep in my mind so that he couldn't hear how much I missed him being inside of me. As soon as the image of him removing his shirt would fly into my mind I would throw my walls up and hope Kylo wasn't interested enough in what was going on in my mind to knock them down. I would press my thighs together and beg my mind to think about something else, life back home, Master Skywalker, dinner last night, the twins, anything! Anything but Kylo Ren and his beautiful body.

It would hardly ever work. The only thing that would draw my mind away from Kylo for more than a few seconds was Poe. It wasn't just the thought or memories of Poe, it was my confusion about why I never thought of Poe as I had Kylo. Poe was so much nicer to me, there was no way he'd assault me as Kylo had several times now. Before recent events I always thought Poe was much better looking than Kylo, but even as I saw Poe's smiling face staring at me my thoughts would eventually drift back to Kylo.

–

I trained Guinevere every day and I trained her well. Her strength in the Force increased tenfold, and once we moved onto physical combat training she did extremely well. At first I had her battling with wooden sticks against heavy bags of sand that hung from the wall, then we moved onto battling against each other. When she first began she was flimsy and unsure, often stumbling over herself and hesitating so often that I could have easily wounded her with very little effort. I pushed her way past her limits every day. I would yell at her, run her through several exhausting exercises one after another, and if she didn't do as I told her to do I would find creative ways to punish her. 

One day, I had given her a particularly difficult attack to perform on me. This specific move set took me several days to perfect, but her and I were running out of time; she needed to learn these new moves and she needed to do it fast. She had started to get the move down correctly, but when she actually went to strike me she would fall short. The attack involved blocking several different ways and then striking your opponent in a violent and vicious way, a move to basically severe the arm that held their own weapon. Since their arm could be positioned in several different places you must adapt your attack to your opponent. I made Guinevere go through training for every position I could think of, and I made her do it over and over again until she mastered every move set.

She tired pretty quickly, only after her first few attempts at the song and dance. No doubt all of her muscles were aching and she looked as if she would pass out right in front of my eyes. I watched unamused as her body hit the floor with a dead-weighted thud, this was the second time now. “Get up, Guinevere.” I said as sternly as I could. I always hated to see her so uncomfortable, but I knew this was good for her. It was similar to how I felt about sex with my princess: It was for her own good and to make her stronger.

But she didn't move, she lay on the floor and did nothing. I looked down at her hot and sweaty body, her once golden yellow hair was now dark brown, dampened with her sweat. She was taking in short and shallow breaths, her stick had rolled from her weak opened fingers. “Guinevere, up now!” I stepped into her line of vision hoping she would see how serious I was being about continuing. 

Then she shook her head. It was slight, I barely caught her jaw moving half an inch to the right. Her eyes shut and she made an attempt to roll onto her side so she wouldn't have to look at me. I scoffed, I couldn't believe the disrespect coming from her today. I thought I had gotten it in her head that she needed to appreciate everything that I had done for her and everything I am planning on doing for her, but ever since our bond had strengthened I guess she found she didn't have to be so thankful. I bent to retrieve her stick, then seized her by her upper arm. “Stand up and do as I say.” I hoisted her onto her feet, her eyes were rolling under half lids as I firmly placed her staff back into her hands. “Now, go. Do it without losing your footing this time.” 

She stood, the tip of the staff resting gently on the hardwood floor. She looked so dead, like the first time I had her. I tapped my foot as I stood in the position I was training her against, waiting for her to make her first move. Instead her eyes slowly closed, her hand went slack and her staff clattered to the floor. She fell to her knees and then collapsed onto her face, her limbs spread out like a starfish. “Guinevere! Get up no-”

She mumbled something, something I heard loud and clear the first time she said it. “What was that?” I asked, seeing if she'd be bold enough to say it one more time. She didn't even pick her head up from the floor, she said it loud and clear into the wooden floor: “Fuck you. Leave me alone.”

I shook my head at her, both in annoyance and in anger. Absolutely nobody in this galaxy got to speak to me like that. I am Kylo Ren, I demanded her respect! I gripped her hair and yanked her head up to look at me, her eyes were bloodshot and her cheeks were painted bright red. “Who do you think you're talking to like that?” I shouted at her, she shut her eyes and tried to twist out of my grip. I yanked her so that she sat upright, looking me into my own two eyes. “Huh? Cause I know you weren't speaking to me in that disrespectful manner.” Her eyebrows knit together at my handling of her, she looked so bold and brave. I loved seeing her like this, I just wish she'd put it more toward her training and not at disrespecting me.

She stuck her slightly stuck her tongue out from between her teeth, her eyes never left mine as a bright white glob of saliva was launched toward me. It landed squarely on my robes, staining them and beginning to ooze downward. I was livid. My own empress, the woman I loved and rescued from the dirty paws of the Resistance, spit at me. 

“Get up. Get up NOW!” I said, losing control and yelling the last word at the top of my lungs. Once again I took her by her arm and hauled her to her feet. Calling on the Force I summoned a near by chair, one that I would watch her practice her moves in. Once it stopped I immediately fell into it, yanking on Guinevere's arm and drawing her dangerously close to me. I was seething, my blood boiling at her blatant disrespect. 

“That is no way to speak to your emperor, you disrespectful little girl.” With one hand I swiftly pulled her onto my lap so that she straddled my knees. In her face I saw fear, what once was nothing but fearlessness and defiance now turned cowardly. Wide eyes, mouth agape, she was afraid of what I'd do to her. I laughed at her as I heard her say in her mind something along the lines of “I regret everything,” I would be sure she'd regret spitting at me every day for the rest of her life.

“You need to be punished, little girl.” I said, extremely satisfied with where my train of thought was going. This would just be a little warning, a small slap to the wrist compared to what else I could do to punish her. I gripped both of her shoulders and threw her toward the ground, catching her by her thighs and draping her over my knees. Her ass was in the air, so round and soft, unfortunately covered by the black leggings the maids always dressed her in for her training. She wiggled about, albeit weakly due to the fatigue she was feeling. I held her with an airtight grip, she would learn today not to cross me.

“I'm going to punish you with my own two hands. I'm going to spank this ass until you're bleeding, and then you're going to thank me for setting me straight.” A brazen smile spread across my face as I ran my hand smoothly over the curve of her ass, I had no idea this kind of thing was so appealing to me. Secretly, I hoped it would be appealing to her as well.

My number one goal became removing her pants and panties as fast as I could, my hands didn't feel like mine as they alternated holding her still and maneuvering them down her legs. I heard her cries and protests, the word “no” floating through the air around me constantly. But I had to teach her a lesson, this would only help her in the end. She was sobbing, she knew of my might and how hard I could hit her, she knew of her fate and wanted nothing of it.

I couldn't hold back, my hand flew into the air with a whisper and came down on her flesh with a loud and piercing smack. Afterword there was a small moment of clarity, a moment of silence for her once soft cheek, now rapidly reddening and swelling with my hand print. And then she howled, her screams of pain echoing off the walls of the room and bouncing back to us; it was truly music to my ears. Her back arched, her upper half coming toward me while her lower half stiffened in an extremely weak attempt to get away. “Stop, please stop! Don't, don't-”

I cut her pleas off with another smack to her ass, and it was the same song and dance. A scream, an arch, and a plea. Pleasure shot through me at the sight of her reddening flesh on display for me and only me, I could feel my cock stiffening under her body. This was too good. “Count!” I commanded, repressing a smile in fear of giggling and ruining the entire effect. My hand made contact with her now hot flesh, this time on the other cheek. I waited a few seconds while she openly sobbed for her to count, but instead I got her sorrowful and pain-filled cries, the sound of her tears and snot slapping the wood floor. Just as I raised my hand to spank her again I heard her start to count. “Th-” I cut her off, the word one instead replaced with another blood curdling scream.

“Too late. Start over.”

“Nooooooo!!!” She cried, she sounded extremely heart broken. “Start counting, now!” Another spank, my cock twitched in my pants.

“Th-Th-Three!” She wheezed, another spank, another scream. “No, start over at one, bad girl.” The groan she emitted actually broke my heart, she sounded so broken having to endure six painful smacks to her ass already. It had occurred to me then that I never told her how many she would be getting, and I didn't care either. The suspense was too great for me to change.

“One!” Sobs. “Two!” Sobs. “Stop, please!” broken spirited sobs. “Three.” 

“Four.”

“Five.”

“Please, I can't-” Screams.

“S-S-S-Si-” Silent sobbing

“Six!”

“Seven!”

Just as I was about to award her with her 17th slap to her gorgeous glowing red ass the door suddenly opened. We were no longer alone as a black figure now stood in the doorway, partway in the room with us. I had known by the stark black robes that it was one of the knights, and I had completely let go of Guinevere. She toppled to the floor, as I looked down to catch her the knight walked swiftly away. I heard their thoughts loud and clear though:

“ _Oh no, oh no. He's-he's doing her again! I have to get out of here, I have to-_ ”

“Panama!” I shouted, willing the embarrassment in my cheeks to fall away. She turned around, ever so slowly, although she was wearing her mask I knew she must have had the utmost unnerved look on her face. I took another look down at Guinevere who had propped herself up on her hands and knees, waving her beautiful ass in the air once again. I couldn't let Panama get away this easily. “Fetch me the maids, you useless woman. And be quick!” Panama nodded her head, as she walked away I could feel the lump swelling in her throat.

–

Although I sat near lifeless on the hard, unforgiving gym floor, I could still use my well trained Force ability to listen to Kylo's conversation with the maids. 

“I think that she's becoming too strong, Lord Ren.” Marie whispered. “There is no such thing, Guinevere is progressing as she should. Our bond is growing just as I wanted it to and now there's no stopping her and I from achieving greatness.”

“But, Lord Ren, I've noticed some severe changes in her personality as of recent. She's become quite aggressive toward Tia and I. I am just concern-”

“You have nothing to be concerned about, servant. The only thing that concerns you is getting her back to my home safe and sound. Now get a move on before I punish you harder than I will ever punish her.”

I had almost felt like crying at Marie's 'concerns.' Almost because I had cried my last tears as I plummeted to the floor when Kylo dropped me. I guess what she was saying was true, I had become short with the twins when we were left alone. A lot like Kylo acted toward them. Training just left me so exhausted at the end of the day. That coupled with Kylo's habitual sexual experiences I just wasn't the same. I had a number of emotions flying throughout my mind at any given time that I wouldn't think twice about yelling at them, or calling them stupid when they messed something up and didn't follow my direction. I knew it wasn't like me, but I just couldn't help it. I was becoming a terrible human being.

I never apologized to them, I was always to embarrassed once the cloud of anger disappeared and I could see the hurt on their faces I would feel so awful. I mean, they got abused by Ren on the daily and now they had to endure my wrath too? I would vow to myself that I'd apologize the next day and that I'd treat them right. But that next day would come and I'd be calling them idiots for spilling the smallest amount of water on my outfit, or waving my hand a little too close to their faces to tell them to leave me alone and accidentally slapping them.

Today was no different. As I sat extremely pained on the ground the Twins came up to me, slowly and cautiously. “Good- Good afternoon, Princess Guinevere. Are-should we-? I mean, are you ready to go back home now?” Tia stuttered. I ignored her, opting instead to just sit as still as I could on the floor as to not irritate my smarting butt cheeks. “Empress, my empress. Master Ren insists you-”

“Yeah? Well tell 'Master Ren' he can go fuck himself.” I said, angry and broken. “Just like you two worthless human pieces of garbage.” I mumbled, pressing my face into the floor. “All you do is follow that man around and do exactly what he tells you. Have you not seen what he's done to me? How can you two assholes just sit back and watch him treat me like this?” I shrieked, losing my cool once more with the two innocent women standing timidly in front of me.

“Princess, deary, Lord Ren hired us to be his-I mean your- servants. We're just here to be as useful to the two of you as we can.”

I sniffled, still without enough tears to full on cry. “Oh, right. Useful. More like useless. If you two want to make yourselves useful why don't you find your way out of the room and leave me be. Or better yet? Just get lost. Kylo could do without you!”

I placed my head back onto the floor and allowed myself to embrace every tear that managed to fall from my eye sockets. I just wanted to be left alone, why could no one grant me my single wish of being left alone?! 

There was a tug at my shirt, then a soft “no!” whispered from one twin to the other. “Lord Ren requests us to bring you to your home. I'm sorry Princess Guinevere but we must follow his orders.”

Marie instructed Tia to grab my other arm as they lifted me to my weak feet and struggled to pull my pants and panties on. As they let go of each garment the elastic snapped against my sore behind, causing tears to well in my eyes on top of my desperate screams to get them away from me. Together, they dragged me out of that room. They dragged me down the halls kicking, screaming, scratching, and spitting. My sore ass dragged along the ground and I was just miserable. The looks the people walking about the hallways gave me broke my heart. I hated myself, I hated Tia and Marie, I hated Kylo Ren, I hated Master Skywalker for building the temple that we met in. I hated the whole wide world and the entire universe in that moment. I just wanted it all to end.

Once we got to Kylo's quarters the twins threw me into the door, I did my best not to land on my butt but it was in vain. Shock waves of unbearable pain radiated throughout my body as I twisted to instead lay on my side. “You, you bitches! Ugh! I hate you I hate you I hate you!” I whined, not sure what else to say in the moment. Tia and Marie just stared at me. I felt like a child throwing a tantrum, but truthfully what was left for me to do? Just like my whole life: I had lost.

“How about you calm down, Princess?” I stopped tantruming and looked over at Marie. The edge in her voice annoyed me, it was almost as if she was talking down to me, like I was a...a child? I squinted my eyes at her, she had a serious look on her face as if she was about to punish me. 

What gave her the right to speak to me like that? I was Kylo Ren's 'lover,' he called me his 'empress.' I ruled over her! My emotions were running so high and I was in such a shitty, low mood that I lost it. I grabbed the nearest object to me, a heavy book that could have been a dictionary or a thesaurus or something, and chucked it at her. “Shut up!” I shouted at her, she dodged the book fluidly as if this was a regular occurrence that she had grown accustomed to. “Don't you talk to me like that!”

“Well what do you expect, deary? You're throwing a fit like a little girl does, you're acting like a toddler!” My eyes went wide and I stuttered, unable to think of a response. “You're just like that man, spoiled rotten to the damn core and don't know what to do with yourself when you don't get what you want!”

“Marie, no! Don't say that, she'll go to Lord Ren!”

“She needs to know, Tia. This behavior is unacceptable, I am tired of her and Lord Ren treating me lower than the horse shit on the bottom of their shoes!”

Marie looked angry, daring to look me in the eyes as she insulted both Kylo and I. Tia was tugging on her sister's arm, attempting to pull her away from me and this heated situation. I was so livid I was shaking, no one (except for Kylo) had ever talked to me in that way before. In fact, the situation was so new to me that something inside of me changed. Something so sinister bloomed in my soul, like a pitch black rose reaching maturity. My hands quivered, I could feel blood running over my palms as I made a split second decision.

A decision that would forever change my life.

It was completely quiet as I lunged toward Marie, using my new found strength to wrestle her to the ground. I punched her over and over and over in her face, the blood that I previously felt on my hands now becoming a reality as her face bled from many different areas. Tia had a death grip on the back of my shirt, desperately trying to pull me off of Marie. I answered her by swooping my arm back and sending her up against the wall with the Force. That woman went flying through the air, hit the wall with a solid crack, then fell to the floor with a bone breaking thud. She was taken care of.

Marie, on the other hand, sat coughing up blood on the floor, spitting her teeth out with every other breath. But we weren't finished. Oh no, I would be teaching her a lesson tonight.

I stood her up and smiled at my creation, she looked so mangled and close to death that I almost-almost! Felt bad for her. But she deserved this, she deserved every ounce of pain that she was feeling. “Say it to me again, Marie. Say it with your fractured jaw and broken teeth. Say it!” I screamed as I saw her tears mixing with the blood seeping from her right eye. Just as I was about to pull her back down to the ground when her jaw flexed just a tad. I squinted my eyes at her, she couldn't actually be trying to speak, could she? There was nothing for her to say, she just had to accept her punishment and move on.

But no, I was wrong. She spoke, and she spoke loud and clear.

“Brat.” Was all she said, and that was all she needed to say.

I pushed her back, knocking several items over in the process. Behind me, Tia was still knocked unconscious, not baring a thought about her sister and what was about to become of her insubordination. I growled as Marie's back made contact with Kylo's fish tank, she tipped it over slightly and some of the water leaked out onto the floor. Useless thing. 

As if Marie knew what I was thinking she finally started to fight back, gripping my shoulders just as I held her and pushing me back. She was no match for me, I was stronger than she was. I overpowered her, pushing her once again into the tank and watching as the water dribbled over and onto the floor. By now the predators in the tank had become agitated, swimming around faster and baring their bright, venomous colors and spikes and razor sharp teeth. Marie's face turned from extremely bold to terrified, which was to my delight. A smile broke over my face as I managed to use my brawn to turn her around and hold her head over the water. The blood from her broken nose was dripping into the tank which excited the fish even more. They were now circling the blood that floated in the water, devouring it like it was their prey.

I don't know what I said to her, I felt my vocal chords vibrate but heard nothing. Marie held onto the sides of the tank for dear life, pushing against the glass with everything she had to avoid becoming a new meal for these fish. 

I smiled deviantly as I used the Force to remove one of her hands, beaming as I felt her struggle under me. One by one I removed each of her fingers, the fish were beginning to swim around her face rapidly. Then I felt the splash, cool water rested on my face and my shirt and even my hands as I held Marie's head into the tank. The water turned from blue to ombre red, and soon completely red as her flesh was devoured by the predators. I smiled, smiled a twisted and crooked smile. She deserved this, I did right. 

I let go of her body and took a step back, watching as all of the creatures feasted upon her head and hands, so much so her body collapsed out of the tank, leaving only her stark white skull and hand bones lying at the bottom of the tank. The smaller fish swam in and out of her eye sockets, what a sight to see. 

As if a light switch were flipped in my mind, all evil intentions died with the screams of her sister who had just woken up to the bloodbath that sat in front of her. No one had ever looked so afraid of me before, and the consequences of my actions rained down like fire when I took a look back at the scene. I had murdered someone, someone that had been so nice to me before. Someone's sister, someone who was loved.

I murdered Marie.

Tia screamed again, and when I looked back at her she was running toward the door. Out of fear, I froze her with the Force, I didn't know what else to do. “No...no!” I said, in total disbelief. “How, how could I?! What have I done?!” I shrieked as loud as I could, any tears from my sore behind now free falling like waterfalls down my face. Was this really me? Could I really have done this? 

I wanted Marie back, I wanted Tia back. I wanted to go back to the days when they were nice to me. Why did I do this? What came over me?! I collapsed to my knees in front of the tank, the feeling of Tia's extreme sorrow and depression washed over me, creating a giant smothering blanket of guilt over me. What was I going to do now?

–

The second I set my fingers on my door I knew something was wrong. I could hear Guinevere sobbing on the other side, screaming even from time to time. Something was terribly, terribly awry. 

I threw the door open and my heart stopped dead in my chest. Guinevere was standing sadly among a scene that reeked of death. A skull at the bottom of a red, murky fish tank. A headless and handless body sitting on the floor, and a terrified sister frozen in the Force, looking at me for help. 

I took my helmet off and dropped it to the floor, slowly making my way over to my petrified princess. “Guinevere, are you okay?” She stood simply crying, her clothes were damp and her hands had diluted blood dripping off of them and onto the carpet. I didn't want to touch her, I was too afraid of the massive amounts of dark energy that existed around her at the moment. She was a Force to be reckoned with, I knew I had trained that girl right. 

“Guinevere, tell me what happened.” She shook her head, looking down at the floor ashamed. “It's okay, you can tell me. Tell me, please tell me what happened.” Her bottom lip quivered, and she closed her eyes as she admitted she had killed for the first time. 

“She, she was being...she called me...she said we-”

“Shhh, shhh, shh. Please, don't speak. I know it's hard my empress. But this is exactly what I trained you for.” A tear slipped down my own cheek, this had been the proudest moment of my life. She would never be the same girl ever again. This was the empress I had been looking for all this time. This was the Guinevere I had fallen in love with. This was the woman I would spend the rest of my life with. This was the real Guinevere.

I reached out and stroked her cheek, she lifted her hand up to mind and held my wrist, pressing her forehead against mine seeking comfort. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!” She bawled, I held her tight, squeezing her lovingly all while Tia looked on at our affectionate moment in fear. “Do not apologize, princess. Do not apologize for ridding this universe of this filth. She had no business working for us if she thought of us that way! You did the right thing, you did the right thing.” She still cried, I knew it would take some getting used to, but I was still so proud of her.

“What are, what will we do with the other one?” She whimpered. I stole another look at Tia, then back at Guinevere. “What do you think you should do, princess?” Guinevere sniffled, stopped shaking as she contemplated my question. Her eyebrows furrowed and that same look of bravery I had seen today came back, she was strong and she made the right choice.

I smiled as she communicated in my head, turned on my heels to the place where I kept her light saber stashed away for this day, the day she'd earn her saber back. 

I handed it to her, she looked over it with awe, the first time she had held it in so long. I pushed her back as to bring her back into this moment, to remind her why I handed it to her. She looked up at me with such determination in her eyes. My strong and powerful princess Guinevere. 

“Put her out of her misery.” I whispered in her ear. She didn't even nod, just simply turned around and started walking toward the terrified woman standing in front of us.

I watched as she stood there, hesitating for a moment. I worried she may have changed her mind, worried she may turn back to me and ask me to finish the job myself. That would have disappointed me more than anything else.

But no, her light saber was ignited and in one solid, proud, movement she twisted it around Tia's still body. Silently she split into two halves, her top half toppling to the floor still in the same position while her bottom half still stood, her organs on full display for everyone to see. 

She put her saber at ease, I could see her shoulders rapidly moving up and down as she took in as much air as she could. I walked around to see her face in complete shock and disbelief, while I was proud and excited in my empress's advancements she should still hardly believe she was even capable of killing a fly. 

“Let go of the Force hold.” I reminded her. She looked up at me, her full of uncertainty. The Force hold kept everything in place, her blood, her eyes, her skin, her hair, once she let go everything would start moving again and Guinevere would really get to admire her work. Once again she met Tia's still shocked eyes, and with a quick flick of her fingers Tia came to life. She was screaming, flailing her arms and legs as well as bleeding all over my carpet. Her organs fell out, sopping over themselves all while Tia looked down taking in the scene as we were.

Eventually, everything stopped. Tia had died just as her sister did, at the hands of their empress. 

Guinevere looked on, her lip trembling as she realized what had happened right in front of her. I quickly went to her side, surrounding her in my arms and hugging her tight. “No, Guinevere. No tears. This is where you belong, my love. This is what you were made for.” I said trying to reassure her. After a while she pulled herself away, looking up at me as she wiped her own tears from her eyes.

“This...this is the dark side of the Force?” She asked timidly, I smiled at her. Now she was starting to get it. “Yes, my Princess. This is the dark side, the triumphant side, the powerful side of the Force!” 

I knew that everything would be okay when a smile slowly appeared on her face, she whispered the word “dark” to herself a few times, just as I had when I committed myself to the dark. This was happening, my greatest achievement was happening right before my very eyes. My bondmate finally joined me where we both belonged. 

As if the woman wasn't already full of surprises this night, she did something I never in my life time would have thought she would do: She kissed me.

All on her own she kissed me. Leaned up on the tips of her toes and locked lips with me. I held her there against me, not wanting this moment to end at all. It was all too surreal, her lips on mine, her arms around my neck, her moans, and the sweet, sweet feeling of our Force Bond growing to completion. I never thought I would get this far with Guinevere, tears of joy slid down my face as the passionate kiss, unfortunately, came to an end. “I-I love you, Guinevere. I'm so happy that you finally understand.” My voice cracked, I just couldn't contain my emotions. It felt as if the weight of the entire galaxy had been lifted off of my shoulders, I had finally gotten what I had worked so hard for.

Guinevere flashed me a genuine smile, a smile that portrayed nothing but love as she came in closer to me. She rested her forehead on mine, sending an electric charge from her to me, a sign of love and trust between bondmates.

“Thank you for setting me straight, Kylo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guinevere murders the Twins and finally joins the dark side with Kylo, they share a kiss and their bond is fulfilled.


	19. Chapter 19

While our lips were still battling with each other Kylo pushed me to the floor, an equidistant between each mangled body. This feeling was so different, it was unlike any feeling of pleasure I had felt before. I was so wet from just making out with him it felt as if I was about to cum just from his body laying atop mine. Once we made it to the ground he started carelessly pawing at my clothing. At first he recklessly tried removing my blood stained shirt, but quickly got frustrated with his lack of progress. He moved to my leggings, gripping them so hard his fingers tore holes in the waistband. He tore them off of me and I was bare for anyone to see.

Kylo stopped to consider his next move, looking down at my lower half carefully. “Does it still hurt?” It took me a second to realize he was referring to the painful spanking he gave me earlier today. I had to think about it for a second, the euphoria flowing through my veins as a result of our completed bond as well as the thrill of my first two kills was blocking my pain receptors. “No. Not any more.” I said lovingly.

The smell of death hung in the air as Kylo kissed his way down my exposed flesh, starting at my navel and ending at my clit. Before the putrid smell of a rotting corpse would make me want to puke, to run so far in the other direction. Dead bodies were always a sign of something bad, some disease or murderer or what have you. But now that I had embraced the Dark Side death meant something more.

I was the one who brought death, death was not brought onto me.

I have had never felt so powerful in my life! And I only had Kylo to thank for that. He saw my potential when we were children, he still saw my potential when he brought me home. He trained me, made me grow in the Force and now here I am. I am triumphant, I am strong, I am willing, I am brave. I am victorious, I am free.

Before I knew it intense waves of pleasure were racing through my body, I looked down and saw Kylo staring back up at me. He had such a lustful look in his eyes, his beautiful brown eyes that I had fallen in love with on day one. His had his mouth latched to my sex, his tongue flicking over my clit over and over again. I sighed, my hands flying to his head and pushing him down further. Why hadn't he done this to me before? Sure his cock probably could have gotten me off just fine, or his fingers. But his mouth? I never even thought he would be capable of pleasuring me this much.

He continued to lick at my small bundle of over active nerves, causing me to moan and groan. I was shaking as I could feel my orgasm approaching, my very first orgasm. I was excited, finally able to get to feel what sex was meant to be like for the first time with the man that I deserved. But Kylo cut that short, abruptly moving away from me and just staring at me.

I released a frustrated groan, picking my head up and scowling at him. “You deserve this, princess. You deserve every moment of this orgasm that I'm about to give you. Do you understand?” I frantically nodded my head, tightening my grip on his hair as my pleasure started to fade away from me. “You've worked hard for this, and I know it wasn't easy. Enjoy it, my Empress.” With that his mouth was at my entrance, fucking in and out of me and curling against my front wall. The same spot he had hit with his fingers a while ago, but the feeling was so different with his hot and wet tongue.

My head fell to the floor again, my back arched as an extraordinary feeling of bliss raced through me. I was chasing my release as Kylo continued to tongue fuck me, occasionally stopping to circle my clit with his thumb.

“ _I can feel it coming, princess. You're losing your control.”_ Kylo spoke into my head, I closed my eyes and just listened to him. His voice mixed in with the lucid wet sounds coming from his mouth meeting my cunt were pushing me further and further toward my first orgasm. My hands went from his hair to the carpet below me, blood from Tia's mangled body had seeped all the way over to us and was now staining my palm once again.

I could smell the iron in her blood, I could smell my own juices as I grew wetter and wetter for Kylo. Eventually all of my over active senses kicked in at once, and soon I was exhaling as my first orgasm took over my body. Starting at my loins the sharp and profound feeling of orgasmic bliss ran through my body, flowing over my belly, into my chest, and ending at my head. My vision went completely dark for just a second as aftershocks caused my body to spasm, Kylo had stopped licking at me for long enough to let me come completely down from my euphoria.

I took a second to catch my breath, panting on the floor with both of my hands clutching to the carpet for dear life. I could feel the sweat sticking my shirt to my body, could feel it dampening my hair. This was amazing, I never could have thought Kylo could make me feel so good until now.

Suddenly Kylo grasped my arms, yanking me upward so I was sitting up in front of him. He grasped the bottom of my shirt and pulled it up over my head, the fabric slipping off with slight resistance. He did the same thing with my bra, refusing to take his time to unclasp it as he pulled it up and over my head. I welcomed the cold and clammy feeling of death over my warm skin, still peppered with goosebumps from my orgasm. Kylo stood and began disrobing, tossing his cloak and shirt onto Marie's headless body without a care in the world.

I was working on his lower half, unbuckling his belt and working his pants down his thick thighs. Once I had gotten both his pants and his underwear all the way down around his ankles I wasted no time stuffing his cock deep down into my throat. It was the least I could to to repay him for using his mouth on me. I bobbed up and down, remembering everything he made me do the last time I had blown him. My lack of a gag reflex came in handy as I was able to push him so far down my throat my nose would rest in his course black patch of pubic hair.

I swirled my tongue around him and he rewarded me with breathy moans of his own. Short and shallow breaths indicated he was having just as much fun as I was. I ran my tongue over his hole over and over, tasting his precum and swallowing it whole. I continued to bob as, just as I did, Kylo held an air tight grip in my hair, pushing and pulling me where he wanted me to go. I could feel my own orgasm building again, the taste of him still fresh on my tongue. Last time I didn't enjoy this at all, this time I was putting my heart and soul into the oral sex I provided for him. I just wanted to please him, to thank him for leading me to where I belonged.

He finished in my mouth shortly after that, releasing his seed with a loud groan. His body went rigid and completely still as I pumped his cock in my hand, receiving every ounce of his gift on my tongue. I squeezed him dry, then, like the good princess I am, swallowed it. So flavorful, so salty, so delicious, so Kylo. I opened my mouth to show him it was all gone, feeling his warm cum ooze down my throat in place of his cock.

He looked down at me, a small smile settling on his lips. He held out his hand to me, pulling me up to my feet to stand proudly in front of him. We were both gloriously naked in his living room, Emperor and Empress standing tall and proud together as one unit. He hugged me, resting his head in my hair for just a moment before pulling our sweat stained bodies apart. He held my hands as he looked me in the eye, admiring me and my soul. “I'm so happy you've joined me on the Dark Side, Guinevere. We will be unstoppable in our pursuit in taking over the First Order.”

I scowled, not fully understanding what he meant. “Taking over the- Don't you already rule the First Order?”

“I do, and we need to talk about it. But first...” He turned his head toward the two dead women in our living room. “Let's take care of this mess first.”

 

We dressed quickly before a set of storm troopers came in to retrieve the bodies of Tia and Marie. They bagged them, Tia's body needed two smaller bags instead of one big one, and carried them out of our house. When they troopers went to remove Marie's skull and hand bones from the bottom of the fishtank I stopped him, kindly asking him to leave them where they were. They made a cute accessory to the tank full of deadly predators.

“Did they have any family?” I asked Kylo as we both watched the troopers steam clean the carpet. “I suppose so. They were sold to me a few years back in exchange for their planet remaining safe during the war. They were queens.”

“Queens?” I could hardly believe that the two women I killed were queens. “Yes, queens. They ran such a small planet and were handed the title just because they were identical twins. The planet was a good place to store storm troopers and ships and the like, so instead of just raiding the planet and taking it their people offered me the twins in exchange for their safety. I guess they assumed I was going to keep them as concubines, but they were far too old for that kind of use.”

I giggled, I guess Kylo was not into older women. “Will you alert the planet to tell them their queens had been slaughtered?” My eyes idly went to the storm tooper that was cleaning the wet spot Kylo had left behind when he ate me out. Did they know what went on in that one specific spot?

“No use. They were turned to maids. No body cares about a set of maids.”

I smiled at him. “I love you.” I whispered for the first time to him.

“I love you too, Guinevere.”

–

 

The very next day I had my princess officially sworn into the First Order. I dressed her in a black gown that had gold and light blue accents on the sleeves and down the skirt. I showered her in gold jewelry as well, bracelets, necklaces, and ear rings. Her hair was pin straight, now slightly longer than when she arrived here. She looked so stunning as she smiled and took my hand, she had applied the black lipstick flawlessly. We both walked down the hallways together, I was so pleased with the new Guinevere that was currently holding my hand. She would make such a wonderful asset to me, I couldn't wait to rule with her.

We made it to the ceremony where all of the highest ranked individuals as well as the Knights of Ren stood in front of us. The parted as we made our way through the crowed, the only sounds were the clicking of her heels on the floor as we made our way to the stage where the crowning would take place.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you your new leader: Guinevere Zolar-Ren.” The crowed went from being pin drop silent to erupting in applause. The faces that I could see smiled at us, I was hoping the concealed faces of my Knights were smiling at us as well. I stole a look over at Guinevere, she seemed to be enjoying the spotlight at the moment as well. She was smiling brightly at the crowed, her bright white teeth contrasted the pitch black lipstick. She looked into the crowed, into the massive amounts of people she now had complete control over. She beamed, looked completely in love with her new found power. The sight of my Empress made me smile as well, I was sure there were people in the crowed surprised to see me so happy. The majority of these people hadn't seen me smile at all.

“The Force brought us together, bonded us to each other, and helped us grow. As some of you may know we both started out as light side Jedi, pupils of Luke Skywalker.” At the mention of my uncles name the crowed began to protest, booing at the man who was our sworn enemy. Guinevere's face had dropped as well, she seemed to understand why I had told her not to listen to what he had to say about my grandfather now. She nodded slightly, then looked to me to continue once the crowed had settled.

“We have seen the error of our ways, we've seen how weak the light side of the Force really is. We've seen how much powerful the dark side is, how we can use it to our advantage to lead us to victory against our enemies. And we've accepted it, allowed it to run through our bodies and take complete control of us. We are both ready to lead you all to greatness!”

Once again, the crowed cheered, I stole another look over at my empress and saw that she was shedding tears of joy The sight nearly brought me to tears as well, she had always been such an emotional girl. This was a huge life changing event for her, of course she would get emotional over it as well.

“Today, we I will make her an official member of the First Order. She will be sworn in as my partner, and she will lead by my side and under my supervision.” I went on a little bit more about the First Order's message, reminding the crowed and Guinevere as to why we were an organized group and what our goals were. I ended the meeting with a toast, white wine for both Guinevere and I and everyone in the crowed. “To my Princess.” I said. “To Guinevere!” I exclaimed, bringing my glass down to my lips, everyone else followed suit. Guinevere blushed as everyone said her name at once, she was over the moon.

 

–

 

“You've been calling me your empress for a while now, why did you introduce me as your 'partner' while we were on stage?” I was quite curious, but was too afraid to show my displeasure with everyone watching me. So I asked Kylo while we ate dinner in the same giant room we shared our first ten dinners, only this time I was more than a willing participant.

“Because, you don't often see an empress without an emperor.” Kylo replied as he chowed down on his spinach quiche. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that, while I may call you an empress, you cannot be _my_ empress when I am not yet an emperor.” I knew Kylo was not an emperor, but from the way he was telling me I would rule the galaxy with him I figured that would be my title in the Order. “Oh? Yet?” I said smirking just a tad. “What is that? A working title?”

“Yes, princess. A 'working title' of sorts.” The way he threw those two words around in his mouth worried me. He was scheming something, something that I didn't know if I was fond of or not. “I will be an emperor, and you will be an empress. We will rule the galaxy, but we're going to rule without these people.”

“What people?” I asked as I stuffed a brussel sprout in my mouth. “The people that you got to meet today, and everyone else in the First Order.” I immediately stopped chewing, the vegetable in my mouth suddenly very heavy like a lead brick. “What, Kylo what is that supposed to mean?” I set my hand down on the red table cloth, clutching my fork in my hand as if it were to save me from what crazy foolishness Kylo was about to tell me.

“Guinevere, there's one thing you should know about me. That's I take anything that I want. I see what I want and I take it, I don't care how and I don't care what it takes. Whatever it is will become rightfully mine. Just like you, my princess. The minute I realized we were bonded I wanted you, and when you didn't want to come with me I just took you. I trained your body to want me and only me, I put you right where I wanted you. And what did I get?” He took a swing of his water, set his glass down with a smile, and grabbed my hand. “I got you, exactly what I wanted.”

I followed his lead and took some water for myself, my throat was getting a bit dry with worry about what he was about to tell me. “The galaxy, Guinevere. I want the galaxy. I want even more than the galaxy actually, I want a whole universe.”

“So, you want everything, but you don't want any help in taking it?” I asked, once again confused. “No, no my princess. You misunderstand. I want the universe, but I want it all to just you and I. I don't want to share it with anyone.” I nearly choked on my own saliva as I realized what he was saying.

“So- so you're gonna ki-”

“No!” He abruptly cut me off, he probably heard my thoughts as well. He leaned in closer to me, looking me in my eyes probably to make sure I was paying attention to him. “You and I, Guinevere my princess, you and I are going to take over the galaxy. We're going to do it together, just you and me. But do you know what we have to do first _before_ we take over the galaxy?” I shook my head, eager to hear what he had to say.

“First, we must overthrow the man who currently holds rule over most of the galaxy.”

“Who is that?” Luke Skywalker?

“My master, the man who rescued me from Luke Skywalker-the man who rescued _us_ from Luke Skywalker.

_Oh my god_

“You want us to overthrow Snoke?!” Kylo did nothing but smile at me. “Precisely. That man has done nothing but use me as a puppet this entire time, to move him up through the ranks and to help aid him to take over the universe. I'm tired of it, I'm going to use what he taught me against him, I'm going to pry the universe out of his cold, dead, hands. He deserves none of it, and I deserve every inch!”

I stared at him, unable to think about the current situation correctly. I was all for ruling the galaxy with my bondmate, I was okay with running the universe with him and everyone else in the First Order. But overthrowing Snoke? He was so powerful, he was such a big name. Who knew what kind of henchmen he had that could easily present our heads on silver platters to him should he find out about Kylo's plan?

“Do you doubt me, princess?” Kylo's look of excitement disappeared quickly when he saw my apprehension. “Um, no. I don't...but...I don't know Kylo. I guess I'm just scared.” He shook his head at me, then went back to eating his food. “Fear is to be expected, I was afraid too when I made the decision. But would you believe me when I say I've been researching and experimenting this entire time you were here? Even before that? I know what I have to do, and I know that I have the strength to do it now that you're here and you're mine.”

“Really?” I said, it made me feel a bit better to know that he had a plan. We wouldn't be going into this fiasco completely blind.

“We can do it, and we can do it together, Guinevere. You are much stronger now than you were at the temple. I even have a way to prove it to you.” He said, his hard and emotionless look finally softening up. “Step away from the table and activate your lightsaber. Hold it in your hands for a minute. You'll see what I'm talking about.” I wasn't sure what he was going for, but I obeyed anyway. I had to trust my bondmate.

I stepped a few feet away from the table, then reached for the waistband of my leather pants which housed my saber. I held it in my hands for a few seconds, the last time I had activated it had been the first time in a long time, what would be so different this time? I wasn't sure.

I activated it and watched as the two opposite purple blades came to life, crackling a bit more than usual, but still they looked the same. I looked up at Kylo who was still looking emotionless, like he was waiting to see what would happen just the same. Suddenly my saber started to heat up, and to a degree that was normal as well. Just not for my saber, my saber had never gotten this hot before.

It continued to heat up to the point where I had to drop it, the blades singing the floor as it fell. On the ground it began shaking, shaking as if it were afraid. I stared at it in fear, what was happening to my saber. I called out to Kylo, I didn't know what to do and I was so terrified of it combusting and hurting me just as it did when I first tried to put my white crystal in it.

I started to step away, but when I did I ran into Kylo, he had gotten up out of his seat to stand with me. “Shh, just watch it. It won't hurt you.” He assured me, so I tried to relax. The saber was jumping around now like it was having a seizure, one end of the blades was always up in the air. I jumped as I heard a harsh crackling noise, then looked on in horror as my lightaber forever changed.

The bottom of my bright, beautiful purple blades began to fade into nothing but obsidian. I trembled at the sight, goosebumps rose on my skin as I looked on in fear. “They're bleeding, Guinevere. Your crystals can sense how strong you are on the darkside that they're trying to get away, but can't.” By now both ends of the blades were half way black, the saber was now jumping around less and less. “I knew this was going to happen, so when I made your hilt I made it so that they couldn't get away. You're so powerful that your crystals are bleeding black, not red like mine.”

I stared on, my lightsaber blades were now both fully black and it was no longer jumping. I could only assume that, not only did I kill Tia and Marie, but I also killed my extremely rare purple Kyber Crystals. I sniffed, mourning the loss of my crystals. I had worked so hard to obtain them, and the white crystal that Kylo stole from me.

“Pick it up, Guinevere. Pick up your new lightsaber.” I was hesitant, afraid if I touched it it may burn me or worse. But after some prodding by Kylo I slowly made my way to it, bending down and taking it in my hand. Immediately the Force ran through me, staring in the hand that held my saber and running through my entire body. I stumbled back just a bit, Kylo caught me and held me upright. “Activate it, show your saber its new owner. Show me how you're going to fight your way to victory with me.” He said sternly, I could tell he was on a type of high by watching me go through these new experiences from the dark side.

I did as I was told, activating it and just holding it out in front of me. The black blades crackled, shedding small bits of plasma as Kylo's did. Power, I felt dark and powerful. I stepped away from Kylo and held my saber in a defensive position. It made me realize that I did have what it took to fight my way to the top, to kill Snoke and whoever else he decided he needed to throw at me.

Together, Kylo and I would be a Force to be reckoned with.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My new favorite thing to do to Kylo Ren and Adam Driver? Put snapchat filters on his face. It's a guilty pleasure of mine. Don't tell anyone.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little blub about Panama. There is talk about a stand alone short story about her between my co author and I.

Kylo and I had a few days to unwind and relax after I was sworn in. We spent most of those days in our bed, Kylo taught me about sex and the different ways to engage each other during the act. There were so many different positions to achieve different amounts of pleasure, so many different sensual spots on my body that I had no idea about. This was a whole new world, and I was happy to have my bondmate to hold my hand and walk me through the entire thing. Probably my favorite thing, the thing that had pushed me over the edge several times during the deed, was when Kylo bit down on my neck. It was a sweet spot, right in the crook of my neck as if Kylo was a vampire and he was sucking my blood. It made me so hot that Kylo would often do it before, during, and right after sex, it was amazing.

After our days of rest and relaxation were over Kylo called a meeting with the Knights of Ren and I. He wanted me to meet them, to see their faces and shake their hands. I was their queen and soon to be their Empress, I deserved to know what my people looked like. I stood next to Kylo as one by one the Knights lined up in front of us. As they walked forward and removed their helmets Kylo would say their names. Dayton Ren, Zim Ren, Raxle Ren, and Ghon Ren to name a few. Under their helmets they all looked like normal people. Lots of them had black hair, maybe one or two of them were blonde. I smiled as I shook their hands, they were all so cordial with their princess. Some of them even lifted my hand to their lips and planted a soft kiss on the back of my hand. A fitting greeting for their princess!

I had gotten to meet all 7 other Knights and there was just one left. I smiled at them as they shook my hand, then turned to leave without even saying anything. “Excuse me, Knight?” I said just a tad bit offended, Kylo was standing silent next to me just watching how this would all play out. The Knight turned back to me half way, as if I was giving them last minute instructions or something like that. “Yes?” The modulator said, it sounded extremely similar to Kylo's, if not maybe just a bit higher pitch. “You need to remove your helmet. The reasoning behind this meeting was so that I get to see who I'm ruling over.”

Kylo grabbed my hand, his gloved providing a sense of disconnect from him to me. “Guinevere, leave her. We can end the meeting now.” I pulled my hand away using just a bit of angry force, I didn't appreciate the way this Knight was treating me at the moment and I wanted to correct the behavior before it got any worse. “No, Kylo. I want to see her face.” I smiled a bit at the fact that the person was female, it was good seeing a woman among all of these men in power, but she was still defiant.

“Remove your helmet at once, Knight!” I said with just a dash of authority in my voice. Just as I did I heard the Knights thoughts run through my head. They were so loud, so obvious, so worrying

“ _You wanna see what I look like? Fine. Fine! I'll show you what I look like you little-”_

As if she remembered who she was talking to her thoughts stopped, and soon she was stepping toward me with her hands on the sides of her helmet. “Guinevere-!” Kylo said, starting to pull me away, but I moved my arm out of his grasp before he could. Her helmet made a series of clicks, the muzzle moved down and out just like Kylo's did and soon I was faced with something I just wasn't ready to see.

Her helmet was lifted and some blonde hair tumbled out from under it. As every inch of her face was revealed my mouth dropped open more and more. This woman could have been my sister. She and I looked almost exactly alike. We had the same hair color, same eye color, same nose shape, same and same eye shape among other things. I gasped, was this some uncanny and unintentional mistake on Kylo's part? She was so angry about me wanting to see her, there must have been some reason behind this.

“Are you happy? Happy to see what I look like? I look just like you, _Princess Guinevere.”_ Her eyes were reddening with tears, her accusatory tone took me by complete surprise. “I spent the last six years of my life being _you!_ I had to talk like you, dress like you, and I had to endure sex like how you were supposed to!”

“Panama enough!” Kylo boomed over her, but that didn't stop her. “He kept me locked in his quarters for years! Raping me and beating me until I acted exactly like you! And once he was done with me he made me fight, just like you. And now? He treats you like a fucking princess? I can't believe this shit!”

I took a step back and Panama followed me, to which Kylo stepped in and pushed her away. “This is all your fault! I have scars on my belly because of _you!_ I hate you! I wish he would have killed you in that god damn temple!”

Panama was shouting at the top of her lungs, her face turned beet red as tears slipped down her face, was what she was saying really true? Was her mistreatment really my own fault?

“Let's go you little harlot. You need a punishment, how dare you talk to your queen like that!” Kylo said as he dragged the screaming woman out of the room. I was left with 7 other Knights standing behind me, I'm sure with the same look of curiosity and confusion I had.

 

Kylo had refused to talk about the confrontation between Panama and I. I had loads of questions, questions that I desperately wanted answers to but Kylo didn't want to give me any. I asked him once I caught up with him in our quarters, but all he said was “it wasn't important.” I begged him to tell me if what she said to me was true, but all he did was get angry. He slapped me, yelling at the top of his lungs that there was nothing for me to worry about and that I needed to stop asking him about it.

The slap to the face was rough, I cried right afterword. I looked at Kylo's back as I felt extremely betrayed. The woman looked almost exactly like me and made some pretty scary accusations about him, I felt like I deserved answers. It was the first time I had felt any kind of negative emotion toward Kylo since I had joined the dark side. I couldn't believe he had treated me like that. He had only treated me like royalty before and now? I felt like I had become his captive once again.

After he slapped me I slipped away to the bedroom, slamming the door behind me. Kylo was my emperor but I didn't want him to revert to injuring me any further than what he did just now. Being alone allowed me lots of time to think, to try and decide what I thought of the situation that unfolded in front of me just an hour before.

I thought I had heard Kylo say something about having other girls that looked like me the first time he had me, but there were other things going on at the time that required my attention. It was so strange to think of Kylo doing the terrible things he did to me to another innocent woman, I wouldn't have wished that kind of treatment on my worst enemy let alone poor Panama. She seemed so skittish, so broken, she obviously didn't come out of Kylo's wrath as well as I did. Then again, he tortured her for six long years, basically the entire time I spent away from him. I didn't think I'd be able to handle it that well either.

Why hadn't she got out? Why didn't she try to get away? The scars on her belly, did that mean Kylo tried to replicate what he had done to me the night he burned the temple down onto her? The thought made me shutter, in fact I had to lift my shirt and feel the white marks just to see if they were still there.

They sure were, staring right up at me was each and every burn line and cut. So were the letters K and R. I wondered if Kylo had put them in the same spot on her, I wondered if she had ran her fingers over the letters and thought about him and how terrible he was.

Another important question I had was why was she still here? She was still in such close proximity to Kylo, acting as one of his Knights of Ren. So close that she was the one who held me down when he fucked me the first time. So close she walked into the gym where him and I were trained. So close that Kylo dragged her off somewhere after she was done blowing up in my face. Where did he take her? What did he do to her? He took her to punish her, and as far as I knew punishment meant a spanking. When Kylo spanked me I could feel him getting hard, it was something that turned him on.

At that thought I saw red. I couldn't stand the thought of him getting sexual with that girl! At one point I felt bad for her, but now I really wanted her nowhere near Kylo. I had grown to love him somehow and I wanted him to myself, no lookalike of mine could have him even if it was by force against her will. At one point in time I felt bad for Panama, bad that she and I basically had the same mistreatment. But that all changed when I realized Kylo could still be desiring her instead of me.

I jumped to my feet and stomped over to the door, fuming at the idea of them having sex on the bed I was just sitting on. It drove me mad, I didn't consider the emotion to be jealousy because I had nothing to be jealous over. Kylo still fucked me whenever he or I wanted it, I just didn't want him to be fucking her as well when he was so committed to me. I grabbed the door nob fully intending to open the door and question Kylo's recent history with the girl, but stopped when I heard a loud crash coming from the other side; Kylo was throwing things around in his living room.

I sighed at the discovery, Kylo was a scary man when he was angry. A man that was better off left alone when acting on his rage like this. I calmed myself, a skill that I clearly possessed and not Kylo. Maybe a bath would be good for the both of us. I turned and made my way to the bathroom, reaching out to Kylo with the Force:

_I'd really like to talk about this when both of us aren't as worked up. When you're calm please come join me in the bath if you'd like._

 

I sat in Kylo's massive tub for 15 minutes before the door swung open and in walked a still angry Kylo. His mouth was in a hard line and he still wore a scowl on his face while he angrily removed his clothing, flinging it to the other side of the spacious bathroom. “Scoot.” was all he said to me as he lifted one leg over the tub wall. I made room for him and he lowered himself down into the near scalding water, I enjoyed my showers and baths the most when they burned me. He closed his eyes as he settled his butt down on the tub floor, then finally relaxed once the hot water surrounded him. I watched the tension fall out of his arms and shoulders, his back straighten up, and most importantly his face as it softened to its normal emotionless state.

The man looked godly. Even if the only part of him that was visible above the bubbles that I poured in was his nipples and everything above, he still looked so good. He looked like the kind of man that demanded respect, that didn't like attitudes and that would straighten anyone out the way he saw fit. He looked powerful, dominant, mighty.

I stared at him as he sat in the tub, his arms on both sides and his knees poking just out of the water. Was he going to say anything? Do anything? Apologize for anything? No. Of course not. He probably only came in here to see if he could work his way inside of me again. Whatever. I copied him, leaning my head back and exhaling the stress out of my body, I could play this game with him too.

“Guinevere.” He broke the silence between us by sharply spitting out my name. “Yes, bondmate?” I answered, not bothering to open my eyes. I heard the water splash and move around me, he was repositioning himself. “We need to talk about our plan.”

“What plan?”

“You know what plan.” He said, he sounded irate, it made me smile in my dark little world. “Guinevere, look at me when I am talking to you. This is important. We need to talk about Snoke.” At the sheer mention of Snoke's name I lifted my foot out of the water and up to his lips, the very tips of my toes resting on him. I looked up at him as I did, exaggerating the word no with my lips to him. Kylo grabbed a hold of my foot, at first he held a tight and firm grip that hurt me slightly, but then his touched softened to gentle massages. I didn't realize how badly feet hurt until then, I guess the thoughts of Panama had masked my pain.

“What do you want to talk about then?” He said.

“Nothing.” I replied, then leaned my head back once again as I was enjoying my massage. “You wanted me to come in here so we could talk, why don't you want to talk anymore?”

“I wanted to talk about Panama, but only after both of us were calm.”

“And?”

“Only one of us is calm right now, Kylo, and it's not you.” He huffed, I had been able to feel his constant anger since he started to walk back to the bedroom for our bath. He couldn't fool his own bondmate who can feel every single one of his emotions. “I'm ready to talk about Panama, so let's talk about her. What do you want to know?”

“How about we address the fact that you hurt me again this afternoon first?” I said, bothered by the fact that he wasn't letting up. It was obvious he was trying to enjoy our time in the tub, but he didn't know what to talk about. If he wanted to talk to me he could start by apologizing to his empress.

His eyes shut and his fingers stopped kneading my feet. “I'm, sorry.” He spoke as if it pained him to apologize. “Panama is a big deal around here, and the fact that she acted out against you made me furious. I was so mad at her I could hardly even say her name let alone talk about her. I didn't mean to take my anger out on you.” He said as his eyes slowly opened and his fingers started to move again. I ran my tongue along my cheek as I considered the words he said. “How big of a deal is she?” I felt my own anger beginning to bubble inside of me. There were so many different outcomes of this conversation that even I was afraid if where it might lead to.

“She was my very first Knight.” I ground my teeth together. “I-I see.”

“I don't fuck her, if that's what you're wondering.” Kylo's hands began to travel up and down my exposed leg. “I only do that to you.”

“But you've fucked her before.” He nodded his head, his eyes watching his own hands as they made their way back down to my foot.

“And you kept her locked up here? Just like you did to me?”

“She deserved it far more than you. She was a wild one.”

“But she looks just like I do. Which means you used her while you couldn't get to me.” His hands stopped for a moment, tightening around my calf. “Yes, Guinevere. That is true.” I gave him a moment to continue his exploration of my leg before questioning him further. Having any part of me in his hands seemed to calm him down. “Well, if you have me why do you still need her? Why don't you just let her go free?”

“Are you mad girl? I cannot just let one of my Knights free. They know way too much about us and about the Order. If any of them went to the Resistance we would be done for.”

“Well then why can't you kill her? Put her out of her own misery as you would say.” Things were getting weirder and weirder with every passing second, discussing Panama as Kylo sensually rubbed up and down my leg was weird. I worried he was thinking about her instead of me.

“I can't do that either, Guinevere.” I snatched my leg out of his hand, drawing both of my legs close to my body to get as far away from him as I could. “Why the fuck not? If she bothers you so much just kill her!”

“She's been unruly after you've joined us, she just needs to be set straight once again and she'll be fine.” I was livid once again, thinking back to what Kylo did when he dragged her out of the room to “punish” her. Sex could be a form of punishment, and obviously she didn't want to have sex with him so it would be a fitting punishment for her.

“I'll kill her then, she doesn't need to be around us.

“I can't let you do that, Guinevere. She's one of my Knights, I can't just kill one of my Knights. She's a fighter and we need her.” I rolled my eyes at him, this conversation was going nowhere. “Whatever.” I said under my breath as I stood up from the warm and comforting water and stepping onto the cold tiled floor. “Guinevere, where are you going? We aren't doing talking!” Kylo shouted after me.

“Shut the fuck up, Kylo. This was why I didn't want to talk about this now!” I could feel tears pricking my eyes as I grabbed the first towel that I found and wrapped myself up in it. “Guinevere!” He shouted after me, but I ignored him. Instead running out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Tonight would just have to be a night where we both stayed angry at each other all night long.

 


	21. Chapter 21

With the help of the Force I pushed all of the water droplets off of my body, instantly drying myself. I drew my clothes to me and dressed as quickly as I could, I could hear Kylo coming out of the bathtub and I knew he would want to continue the conversation that we had. I grabbed my saber off of its wall mount next to the bed and exited the bedroom just as Kylo was opening the door. I don't know what he saw in that woman Panama, I don't know what he did to her and I don't know why he was keeping her around, but I was determined to put an end to it.

But I couldn't do it tonight, not right now when my emotions were fried and bouncing off of each other as they were currently. It would then become a crime of extreme passion when instead I wanted it to be more articulated than just a sloppy spur of the moment murder. It would have to be put off until I could get her alone.

I stormed through the front door and started making my way toward the gym room, determined to calm my mind with meditation and think of a plan to rid this planet of that woman. I was hoping Kylo would not be following me. Deep down I knew Kylo's force abilities coupled with our bond would give him instant access to my whereabouts, so I couldn't hide from him for very long. I packed my emotions away as best as I could and decreased my Force signature, it would make it that much harder for him to find me.

I burst through the doors of the first gym I came to, it was dark and quiet, the sounds of the doors slamming into the walls echoed in the vastly open space. I inhaled, welcoming the solitude and immediately feeling myself relax. I took three steps in, seeking out the soft mats for me to meditate on when I sensed I was not alone. I stopped dead in my tracks, thinking it was Kylo who had followed me here or knew where I was going and beat me here. The other person's sensations were coming from within the room, in the corner where the mats were.

I was cautious, gripping my lightsaber as I made my way to the corner. I didn't know who was there and was ready to kill someone if they came at me the wrong way, all I wanted to do was relax and be alone. I heard a small noise, a small crinkle of the mat that indicated the person had moved ever so slightly. It was so dark in this corner, the lights from the hallway outside of the door were not bright enough to illuminate my way. I was afraid of this person attacking me, I needed to get an advantage over them before they got one over me. Using the slightest of hand movements I flickered the lights on, and the person in front of my was revealed.

Panama. She was cowering on one of the mats, sitting in nothing but a white tank top and some black skinny jeans. Her boots were stacked next to the mat, she had on no socks. She was soaking wet, her hair was jagged, and it was obvious she had been crying for a while now. Her eyes were red, so were her cheeks, the mat and the floor below here were wet as well. I had originally thought everything was wet because she had been crying, but that wasn't the case. In fact, it was immediately apparent what liquid she was covered in until I had taken a few more breaths.

The girl _reeked_ of urine. I couldn't even entertain the idea of her pissing on herself since she, the mat, and the floor were covered head to toe in it. “Go away, bitch!” She shouted, covering her face with her bare arms. Looking down toward her shirt I noticed it was stained light yellow as well.

“Holy shit.” I whispered. “Did, did Kylo do this to you?”

“What do you think?” Panama spit bitterly at me, she sniffed once again as the tears started once more. My stomach began to churn wildly, I didn't think Kylo could be so depraved! “He _pissed_ on you?!”

“He did more than that, Princess Guinevere. He has his ways of 'correcting' me as he calls it. And it's all your fault. You did this to me!”

Panama stood up, once she did I could clearly see the marks, bruises, and bumps all over her arms and the exposed area of her chest as well as her face. Kylo had beaten her like he beat the twins. He pissed on her at once point, using her as if she was a urinal, then beat her, then forced her to sleep on a mat in a gymnasium, all because of what she did to me hours earlier.

At first I was shocked, that kind of treatment even made me shiver and I had wanted to kill Panama at one point! I could only count my lucky stars that he had never done anything of the sort to me, my life might have just ended right then and there.

But then I wanted vengeance. Panama had said he did “a lot more” to her than just beat her and pee on her, what else could he have done to her? “Did he fuck you?” Panama looked down at her feet, sorta giggled in a sick and twisted sort of way. “Honey, oh honey.” She began, taking another step toward me. I took one step back, she looked dangerously crazed. “Of course he fucked me. He always used to fuck me. Before you came around he used to always fuck me, and more often than not it was so unwanted. He raped me nearly every day. Now that you're here, he only does it to punish me. It's never for his pleasure anymore, it's to hurt me.”

My mouth dropped open in an instant. Was she telling the truth? “Are you fucking kidding me?!” I yelled, unable to control my emotions at the time. “I was hoping after he found his pretty little perfect princess he'd leave me a lone and let me go, but no. Absolutely not. He keeps telling me that he needs me for something, and other than to beat on and rape me, I don't know what he wants me for. I've been trying so hard to get myself out of this miserable situation, I've tried running away, I've tried killing him, I've even tried killing myself! But nothing has worked, nothing has worked for me at all.” She had broken down into sobs in the middle of that sentence, falling onto her knees and hugging herself. This poor woman, held captive by Kylo just as he held me. The only difference was she was not destined to love him like I was. She could probably never love him.

Suddenly everything stopped, she stopped sobbing and shaking to look up at me with another wicked and evil looking grin on her face. Her teeth shone bright pearly white between her blood red lips. The sight gave me extreme chills. “But, now that you've come to visit me I think I've thought of a way to kill two birds with one, singular, stone.” She stood and began walking toward me, this time with a bit more ambition in her steps. “Don't come any closer to me, you creepy bitch!” I said, nervous as ever.

Panama laughed at me, then went on with her strange speech about how she was going to get her way out of Kylo Ren's palm. “You, my friend, are Kylo Ren's most prized possession. He just went on and on and on about you today. How much he loves and adores you, how much stronger than you are than him, and how you're going to rule with him!

“But, what happens when you're removed from the picture? And there's only me, the forged and fraudulent Guinevere? Huh? What happens after that?” I immediately drew my lightsaber, activating it and holding the blades in front of myself. “Don't even think about it, I won't let you kill me!”

“Oh no, my dear. I'm going to kill you. Because once I end your life I also end my own! I'll present your body to Kylo with a little ribbon on your cold and stiff head, and he'll be so angry he'll kill me too! See? Two birds, one stone.” I became terrified at the thought, there was no way she was being serious, was she? She wasn't actually going to try to kill me! I wouldn't allow it, I would have to kill her first and explain later to Kylo what happened.

Panama flexed her muscles, my god she was just as muscled as Kylo was, if not more. The woman looked strong, and the only thing I could think of was those strong arms wrapped around my neck. So I moved my saber forward and tried to stab her, but she jumped out of my way, doing something comparable to a cartwheel over to my right. The woman was quick, I soon realized I had bitten off way more than I could chew. I feared for my life, I needed Kylo.

I followed her every move as she jumped eerily from place to place, she was so fast I got extremely dizzy and nearly lost my footing. What was this woman? Who trained her? It was almost as if she was a ninja or something! Unfortunately for me she did get one up on me, she managed to kick my saber out of my hands. I watched it roll away from me sadly as it put itself at ease, a mechanism I included while building it so I didn't get hurt falling onto it if it was knocked out of my hand. Now I was really in trouble.

Panama immediately jumped on me, tackling me to the ground and trying her hardest to get her hands around my neck. I was screaming, internally calling out for Kylo's help through our bond. I held onto her wrists and pushed her with all of my might. It was enough to push her off of me and try and make a run for the door, but of course she was stronger and faster, she jumped onto my back and sent me crashing to the ground. I heard the vertebrae in my back crack upon landing, I cried out pleading with her to leave me alone. In response she simply laughed at me, gripping my hair and pulling my neck back so far my bones popped painfully once more.

“This is going to feel so good. Six years, six long years of torture. All because of you!” She gripped the fabric of my shirt and violently flipped me over. When she did I caught the slightest sight of my lightsaber. It looked to be just barely within arms reach, and it was my only hope when those strong, sweaty hands were wrapped so tightly around my neck my air was instantly shut off. I reached desperately for my saber, I didn't want to die here. I didn't want to die by Panama's hand. I didn't want the last thing I saw before I died to be Panama's crooked, proud smile. I reached and reached and stretched my arm and shoulder out as far as I could until I felt the cool metal hit my finger tips. I used what little Force energy I had left to nudge it even closer to me, and in one quick movement I set the saber onto Panama's chest and ignited it, not giving any thought to the fact that it was double bladed.

I'm sure the faces we both made mirrored each other to a T. Both of our mouths flew open in a silent scream, save for Panama who just lightly whined. It was so painful, to be harmed by my own lightsaber again. The blade had cut straight through my abdomen, right above my belly button. I looked up and could see the other end of the blade shooting up past Panama's head, I thanked the maker that I didn't get it in perfectly straight because I would have been dying alongside my doppelganger.

Blood began pouring out of Panama's mouth and dripping onto my face, the grip she had around my neck started to falter and my lungs slowly began filling with air again. I watched her eyes go completely glassy and dead as the life left her body, her face became pale white and her body went cold. Was this what it would look like if I died? It was like I had watched myself die, the feeling was so haunting that it made me start crying again. I tried to put my saber at rest but Panama's body was on top of the hilt, due to the blood loss I was too weak to push her heavily muscled body off of me. That's when I began to panic. If I didn't get her off of me and get myself to the medbay I would die here, skeward to a woman who could be my twin sister.

I pushed and pushed and pushed, but it was to no avail. Her dead weight was just no match to my newly depleted body strength. I let my arms flop down beside me as I bawled. This really was the end. I had killed Panama like I wanted to but in the process had killed myself. I could feel my own warm blood spreading out under me and staining my shirt, I had already lost so much that I was beginning to feel sluggish and tired.

I used my last little amount of the Force to call out for Kylo, hoping he'd be able to feel the bond dying off or hear my calling out for him. He was the only thing that could save me now.

 

–

I knew Guinevere was angry and upset at me and wouldn't want me to follow her to wherever she was going. It was clear she had become jealous over Panama, something that I didn't quite understand. She was of much higher quality than Panama ever was and ever would be, I loved her so much more and treated her so much better, even when I had to “train” Guinevere when she first came to the First Order. She was my jewel, my most prized princess. Panama would never be able to compare to her.

She was probably upset that I had punished Panama with sex, one of the only things she would respond well to for punishments before Guinevere came around. And I did it out of just that, punishment. I would never cum and would make sure Panama wouldn't either, it was just that: A punishment. Truthfully, she hardly ever needed to be punished these days, it must be the fact that I had left her alone to be with Guinevere that she acted out that evening. I couldn't think of any other reason why she would say such things to her. Panama was jealous, she wanted more time with me and that's okay to think, but it was not okay to hurt the woman I love. She was a Knight, a woman meant to fight for me now, no longer my lover.

And that was why I couldn't let Guinevere kill her. I needed Panama to take down Snoke, without her my plans would be ruined and I'd have to start from square one. I decided to promise Guinevere we could rid ourselves of that girl once we had killed Snoke, but until then I needed her alive and well.

I figured Guinevere would be coming home sometime, whether it was sometime this evening or in the middle of the night or even tomorrow morning. I didn't know and I wasn't concerned enough to go looking for her. So I simply dressed for bed and decided to relax for the rest of my night, hoping my empress would come back home soon.

Sometime in the middle of the night, however, I heard Guinevere's little voice calling out for me. I could barely hear it, and from what I could hear she sounded very frightened.

_Are you alright?_

I called out to her with the Force through our bond, but I never got any response. I reached out to her through the Force only to find that our Force bond was on the verge of breaking. I immediately sat up in bed, once I was wide awake the pain hit me full force. My abdomen, right above my belly button felt like I had been stabbed. I could feel something wet and hot over my back, and could feel something heavy on my chest. It was so hard for me to breathe and move, but I had to do something. Guinevere was somewhere dying, I couldn't let that happen.

 

I had hobbled to the direction where her pain was coming from, moving as quickly as I possibly could with the incredible amounts of pain I was in. I couldn't let her die, I had worked so hard to get her right where I wanted, to make her love me and to get her to come to the dark side with me. I had worked so hard for all of that to come to such an abrupt and painful end! So I moved faster, feeling the ghosting feeling of my back becoming more and more saturated with her blood.

I tracked her down to one of the gymnasiums, and when I figured out which one I burst through the gym doors, nearly toppling to the floor in the process. What I saw will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Panama was on top of Guinevere, Guinevere's obsidian black blade glowing through Panama's back. It was like she was hugging her, both of Panama's arms were on the side of Guinevere's body as were her legs. Guinevere was no longer moving, but it was clear that at one point she was because the blood that surrounded her looked like a red snow angel.

Panama was clearly dead, her skin was the lightest shade of blue and she was completely still. The only movement the two girls were making together was due to Guinevere's breathing. Every once and a while I would just barely catch Panama's body moving up and then down, Guinevere was taking deep breathes every few seconds.

“Guinevere!” I shouted to her as I was making my way over to the two impaled women. As soon as I was able to see her face Guinevere's eyes opened, she reached out for me with her one hand as she tried to speak my name. “Shh, shh, my Princess. Help is on its way.” I shushed her, falling to the ground next to her and resting in her blood. On the way over I had called for a medic to meet me in the gyms, it shouldn't be long now.

I grabbed her hand, squeezing it slightly as I could nearly feel the life draining out of both her hand our bond. Then I took a look up at dead Panama.

Who attacked who? Who was responsible for Panama's death? I didn't know, but I sure as hell was going to find out when the time came.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You wanna know why I'm posting this chapter at 430 AM when I gotta be at work at 7?  
> Baby Jam. That's why. This boy never wants to sleep when I gotta work early.


	22. Chapter 22

Kylo separated us, Panama was long gone so he threw her lifeless body to the side. He reached near my wound and deactivated the lightsaber, the feeling of the blade exiting my body was excruciating. Just as I felt like the wound was trying to heal itself, it got cut once more with the blade retracting into the hilt. I used some of the last remaining energy in my body to wail, looking over at Kylo for whatever help he could offer me.

None, he could no longer help me. He looked just as pained as I did, gripping his belly around the same area where I was injured. It was my fault, I knew it was my fault that he was so pained. I went out and got myself seriously injured and now Kylo was also the one suffering, even him more so than me because he was feeling our bond breaking also. I was already in too much pain to feel it, but from the look of anguish on his face I could tell it was bad.

True to his word, three medics came to my rescue. I was transferred to a gurney and whisked away to the on board medical center. When offered help, Kylo refused. His wounds were artificial and would heal up eventually on their own whereas mine were real and dangerous, I needed the medical attention more than he did. I was still scared, I had never been this seriously injured before and I wanted my bondmate. I didn't want to go through this without him. I was screaming, craning my neck back in a desperate attempt to seek out Kylo. In my head I was screaming 'Don't leave me, please don't leave me Kylo!' But I was sure he couldn't hear me, our bond had been ripped down to shreds and my voice wouldn't travel all the way to him. By now, I had lost so much blood the only sound that I could hear was my heart beat and my extremely slow breaths. I was losing myself, and it only caused my heart rate to accelerate and speed up my death.

_Sta....ong....my prin....I'll...righ....b....nd....you_

Kylo's words came through in barely audible bursts. The fact that I couldn't hear him spoke volumes, I felt so hopeless. Why had I challenged Panama? The woman was some sort of powerful brute! Even more powerful than I was. I got so caught up in my revenge that I actually had myself killed at worst, gravely injured at best. I took another breath, one large inhale and one large exhale. My vision faded into black and I was left wondering if it would be my last.

 

–

As the doctors assessed, cleaned, and sutured Guinevere's wound I could feel the life slowly coming back to me. I felt the phantom blood washed away from my back, could feel the injection that stopped her pain as they cleaned and stitched the wound back together, and pretty soon the only thing I could feel was her soft, sweet breaths and her static dreams. My princess was sleeping as peacefully as she could, she was healing, and most importantly she was alive.

I stood from the uncomfortable and much too small waiting room chair and started to make my way back to the operating rooms to see her but I was stopped, once by the receptionist who told me that Guinevere's doctors would be out to talk to me and then once by a nurse who tried to stop me from storming down the halls toward her room. I didn't appreciate any of them, I am Kylo Ren; if I want to see to it that my Princess was recovering well I was going to see her. I pushed past the nurse, drawing the attention of others around us. I was thankful that our bond had recovered enough so that I could seek her out, although I was missing pieces here and there the Force didn't fail me, soon I was pushing her room door open, revealing her to be completely covered by her flimsy little hospital blanket in her uncomfortable looking hospital bed.

Just as I suspected she was sound asleep, her head cocked to the left so that I couldn't see her face and the head of her hospital bed elevated so she was sitting up slightly. I let out a massive breath that I didn't even realize that I was holding in when I saw her chest rise and fall fairly rhythmically. The pace was a lot better than it was when I discovered her tethered to Panama in the gym. I felt myself calm, she was going to be okay.

“Commander, please. She must rest, she's healing from a major surgery. Won't you come back in about-”

I ventured into the room against the behest of the nurses, I wanted to hold and touch my Princess and let her know I was here for her. I walked around the bed where I found her sleeping angelic face staring back at me. Her mouth was ajar, her breaths coming out audibly from between her teeth. I was so grateful for her being alive, the doctors that we hired were always so well trained. I ran the back of my hand across her forehead, relishing in the warmth of her skin. As my hand left her head she wrinkled her nose, probably realizing someone was touching her. I was confident her Force abilities hadn't returned quite yet as she was still mostly unconscious, so she could not have felt me with the Force.

She turned her head away from me, scrunching up her face in annoyance at my touch. I was once again looking at the back of her head, she obviously wanted to be left alone. I sighed, becoming heartbroken over her once again. At least it was only physical, not emotional. Before I left I was curious about her scar. The wound looked pretty nasty from what I could see, either she or Panama ignited the lightsaber and it cut through Guinevere's skin, nearly missing her spinal cord and jutting into the ground. Guinevere was stuck there bleeding for who knows how long, I expected her scar to be just as bad.

As gently and slowly as I could I pulled her hospital blanket down, exposing her small white hospital gown that went from her neckline to her knees. She flinched at the cold air, still not waking as I hiked the gown up to just barely above her belly button. A blade sized wound stared back up at me, red and puffy around the black stitches that held it together. I shuttered, my poor empress. I could only imagine that there was a similar sight on her back, where the exit wound was.

“No, Commander! Please don't do that!” By now there was a multitude of nurses and doctors on the outside of the door, observing me as I explored her body. I looked up at them, from the inside of my mask I rolled my eyes. Just as I was about to tell them to leave Guinevere stirred, stretching just a bit and then stilling at the sight from outside of her door. She took in a huge breath, one that racked her entire body. “Get out, of my room!” She yelled as loud as possible, which barely came out an octave louder than her normal voice. All of the eyes that were on her snapped up to me, and when they did they immediately turned and left. She settled back down, flipping the blanket back over her body and resting her head on the pillow. Her head turned back to me and in an instant she fell back asleep. I giggled as I realized she probably thought she scared them away, when in reality those people knew that if they didn't obey their empress then they'd have hell to pay to me.

Not wanting to wake her I slipped myself into the chair in the corner of the room, she'd be awake soon, and once she was strong enough I could drill her about what happened in that gym room.

 

I guess it did take a while longer for her to wake, because I had fallen into a deep sleep sitting upright in that small chair. When I awoke it was dark, Guinevere was heaving as if she was having trouble breathing. It was so loud it masked the beeping noises from the monitors that were reading her vitals in the corner of the room. I stood immediately onto my feet, rushing over to her and taking her hand in mine. She was under so much distress, all while her eyes were tightly shut and creating intense creases around her lids. She was having a nightmare, something that I couldn't at all help her with.

“Princess, my princess wake up.” I said shaking her arm slightly. The last thing I wanted to do was frighten her awake, I was gentle in my actions and speech. She didn't wake, only beginning to sweat and shake in her sleep. “Guinevere, please wake up, you're having a nightmare.” I squeezed her hand a little bit harder, but nothing changed. She whimpered, throwing her head to the side violently. Whatever she was dreaming about was very lucid and terrifying to her, I had to put an end to it.

Just as I reached for her shoulders to shake her awake She lurched her body completely upward. Her eyes were closed as she shouted “stay away from me!” She picked up both of her hands and shoved them out toward me, using an insane amount of Force energy to push me into the air and against a near by wall. The blow to my back hurt, causing me to groan once I hit the ground. I was disoriented as I sat there, wondering what happened and where she got that amount of Force energy from. The only other person that had ever handled me that hard was the Supreme Leader, my master, the man that trained me and the man that would be brought down by me in the near future.

I looked up and saw Guinevere staring at me in complete shock, her arms still held out in front of her and her brow still covered in sweat. “Kylo!” She shouted, coughing just a bit afterword. “Kylo, I'm-I'm so sorry! I didn't mean-”

“Silence, Guinevere.” I said as I stood myself up, brushing the dust off of my robes and straightening my posture. She sat with her lip in between her teeth, looking sorry as ever for hurting me. I walked over to her, my boots tapping on the linoleum floor over and over, staring down at her from behind my mask in awe. “Kylo, I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. Please forgive me.” She said, her voice beginning to catch in her throat.

“Neither do I, but I'd like to know.” She looked past me, inching herself away from me on her cot as she winced in pain. I reached out to her shoulder, stopping her from moving and trying to calm her. I wasn't angry at her, I was intrigued. “You are not in trouble, my princess.” She gradually stopped shaking and stared at me, releasing her lower lip from her jaws. “You were injured, you went to sleep for several hours, and now you wake up with the Force strength of my master. How is that even remotely possible?”

Guinevere started to pull her knees to her chest, but stopped when the pain in her abdomen became too much. “Stop, Princess. You just had a surgery on both sides of your body. You must relax.” I said, becoming slightly annoyed with her. I wouldn't dare harm her, especially since her body was already compromised by an altercation with Panama.

Then it hit me, like an excessively bright lightbulb in a pitch black room. My question was answered the minute Guinevere picked me up with the Force, showing off her newfound strength. “You murdered Panama.” A smile was beginning to form on my mouth, as badly as I planned for Panama to be a scapegoat for Guinevere and I to kill that wretched man Snoke, I was far more content with her being a sacrifice to strengthen Guinevere. This was much more important for our mission than Panama ever was to me.

“N-No! I didn't kill her, she tried to kill me.” Guinevere cried out, looking around as if someone in the room could save her from the anger she thought I possessed for her. “Guinevere, you don't have to lie to me. This is an immensely great breakthrough.” Guinevere looked at me puzzled, then her eyes fell to her hands which were stationed in her lap. “She attacked me first. Although, I guess it was warranted. I was planning on killing her from the start. I just to happen to stumble upon her in the gym when I stormed away from you yesterday, but she still attacked me first”

“It doesn't matter who attacked who first, my princess. All that matters is you fended for yourself, you used your lightsaber for what it was meant for, self defense. You killed that woman and as a result your strength has increased ten fold. Guinevere, your power and prestige in the dark side is increasing with every life you take. Don't you see? This is wonderful.”

A smile eventually grew across her face, the tension in her muscles relaxed as she understood what I was saying to her. “Strong...I am stronger...” She whispered to herself, bringing her hands up to her face and looking at them intently. I smiled at her, but just as I was about to open my mouth to say something else to her she cut me off. “So since I'm so powerful now you won't need Panama, right?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, furrowing my brow. Guinevere's face went from being excited to upset with me. “Before Panama attacked me she said you told her you need her for something. Now that I'm stronger than she is you won't need her anymore, right?” I blinked, sure I needed Panama to help us over throw Snoke, but even if I still needed her she had died, her corpse was of no use to me now. “The woman is dead, Princess. I no longer need her.”

“What did you even need her for? Sex, or what?” I laughed as silently as I could, but I heard just a small bit of noise come from the modulator. Guinevere's face fell even angrier, a pout forming on her lips. “Is that what she told you?” She quickly nodded her head, crossing her arms over her chest and waiting for an explanation. “I only fuck her when she needs it, when she needs to be punished. She hates sex with me, don't you remember the first time we had sex? I made it painful for you because you deserved it. When I fucked her last night it wasn't for anyone's pleasure.”

Her eyebrows shot up, considering my words carefully. She still scowled, unhappy with my answer. “Well what did you need her for then?” She asked bitterly, I was happy to finally be telling her so she could stop acting so insecure, like I didn't love her.

“She's a special breed of person that I met in a bar on a far off planet, I was immediately drawn to her because she looked like you. I went up to her and asked for her name, to which she snarkily replied 'I don't owe you shit,' or something along those lines. I was insulted that a waitress of such low standard would say something like that to me. I planned on kidnapping her and forcing her to join the First Order as a maid or a sanitation worker of something, but my plans changed when she slipped me a piece of paper that had her room number on it and 'meet me in my room and I'll tell you more than my name.' I followed her orders, you can guess what we did together that night.”

Guinevere's eyebrows shot up, simultaneously she rolled her eyes and told me to get on with the story. “I spent every night in her room for the remainder of my time on the planet, and I found that she was of a special species of person, an extremely strong individual, both in will and in raw strength. I witnessed her lift the bed up with one hand, with me sitting on top of it. I saw a perfect opportunity for her back here on the Finalizer, she could be my lover and could work for me as a Knight. But most importantly, when I got you back she could be a stunt double for you when we kill Snoke. While he's busy fighting her you could sneak up behind him and finish him off. She was strong enough to fight him and hold him down while you did all of the dirty work.

“Oh, I see.” She said as I finished. “I guess that makes sense.”

“So I convinced her to come back home with me, and when we got there I trained her to fight for me. She didn't like that at all, she refused to get out of bed, would try and fight me every time I took her to the gym She told me time after time that she would not be trained to kill someone for me and she wanted nothing to do with it. So I had to discipline her, mold her to what I wanted her to be. I see now that she was jealous of you, however I had no idea she wanted to kill you.”

“She said she had to live as me, that you called her Guinevere and made her be like me.” My face turned red in embarrassment. “That was absolutely not true.” I lied, I hardly wanted to admit that I treated that woman as a cheap imitation of Guinevere, the thought alone upset me greatly. I felt so bad that I couldn't wait the few years for my real princess to come home, I felt like I had done a huge disservice to Guinevere by putting that woman on such a high horse.

“She lies, Guinevere. She lies. One of the reasons she got such harsh punishments.” Guinevere shook her head, she probably didn't believe me but it didn't matter. That would be a conversation for another day.

“She's dead now, Kylo. What do we do now in regards to Snoke? We don't have the man power that she possessed anymore.” I smiled, my always powerful and headstrong Guinevere had the right idea. “That's easy princess.” I said, removing my helmet finally. I walked over to her bed and leaned in for a kiss. From the way she reacted, placing her hands on my shoulders as my hands went to the sides of her face, I could tell she had forgiven me about Panama. She had taken the situation into her own hands and had gotten over the killing quickly, now moving onto the most important killing of her life.

“We just kill him, you and I.” She smiled brightly at me, and as always I was so proud of the progress she was making within the First Order. What once was an innocent little Jedi girl has now turned into a dangerous dark side woman with a taste for blood and vengeance.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this while watching Pocoyo with my son...lol.  
> Only about 2-3 chapters left on this beauty and we can call it a wrap!


	23. Chapter 23

After I was released from the hospital I stayed fairly relaxed and tried to take it as easy as I could as I waited for the day my stitches would be removed. My blade had ignited only an inch and a half away from my spine, everyone had told me I was lucky to have survived. It had sliced clean through my skin, piercing half an inch into the gym floor. I had twin scars where the entrance and exit wounds were on my belly and back, both had exactly 6 stitches holding the wounds together while they healed.

Kylo wouldn't speak to me about Panama or Snoke while my wounds were healing. He never explained why, but if I had to guess it was so I wouldn't be as stressed out so I could heal as fast as possible. So I spent a lot of time in bed watching videos on a small laptop that Kylo brought to me, eating healthy foods he brought to me, and just counting down the days until my stitches could be removed and I could go back to my normal, every day life. By far the worst thing about Kylo demanding I stay off my feet was when he'd bathe me in bed. According to him he didn't want me showering or bathing in the tub, too afraid the water would hurt the wound some how. Instead, I sat in the bed while he took a wash cloth and some watered down soap to my skin, cleaning every crevice of my body. Around my wound he used no soap, just the corner of the cloth and some water. He was much gentler, going as slow as he could as to not agitate the wound.

It was still tender, not as red and puffy as it was in the beginning, but it still made me queasy when I looked at it. Sure, I had seen death and gore before, some I had created with my own hands, but looking at the destruction of my own body made me so ill. Even just look looking at the old, whithered scars that Kylo had inflicted on me years ago when I was just a teenager made me so sad. Back then I was so ignorant, under the illusions that Luke Skywalker had put in my mind. He was building me up to fail, no Jedi that would have come from that temple would ever be any type of match for the First Order. Especially now since they had me running them, I was the most powerful of them all.

As I looked on at Kylo gently pat-drying my wound I got probably one of the greatest ideas in my head. I looked up at him with a devious smile on my face, this was going to be grand.

 

The stitches came out two weeks later, and as I was sitting on the operating table having them removed I chimed up with my other request. Kylo wasn't in the room, it would be a wonderful surprise for him

The artist manipulated the needle with pin point accuracy over the scarred lettering on my hip bone. It hurt quite a bit, but I just put it off to the fact that I had a freshly healed wound not too far away from the ink site that just had some stitching removed. The ink over Kylo's first initial was red like his saber, jagged to mimic the scar the way it had healed. I struggled to decide what color to make his last initial, black was now the color of my lightsaber but I felt like it would look too normal, red and black were the First Order's colors and that's not what Kylo's name in my skin stood for.

Instead, I had the letter R drawn over in purple, the original color of my saber. The color combination was a perfect representation of us and our power. It was also my portion of our name, Guinevere Zolar-Ren. It was a way to show my loyalty, an even better way to thank Kylo for never giving up on me even though I fought like the devil to get away from him. Looking back I was so foolish, it made me cringe to think of how hard I fought him in the beginning. He had fancy dinners for me, let me sleep in his quarters, and even had me pampered from head to toe by the maids. It was wonderful, but I was too blinded by the light to appreciate it.

Kylo picked me up from medbay and asked to see how the scar was healing. I denied him several times, even when he got upset I just simply smiled and told him I'd show him when we got home. He was skeptical, I would even guess that he was worried as well, but eventually we walked down the corridors of the Finalizer hand in hand, I was giddy while he was hardened and upset at me. It really didn't matter because I knew he'd love what I had done.

Once we got to our home I wasted no time in my show, as soon as the doors were open I jumped into his arms and enveloped his mouth with mine as best as I could. He was confused at first, probably wanting to examine my scar first and foremost but eventually got with it. He kissed me back as I giggled in anticipation, this was going to be so good! He hoisted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist, holding my arms tight around his neck as we battled each other with our mouths. I could feel his fingers flexing in the fabric of my jeans, an indication that he wanted them off. Kylo could say so much with just his looks and his fingers, rarely did he have to use his voice to communicate his desires with me.

He carried me over to a near by chair and collapsed into it, making me jump and accidentally bite his lip ever so slightly. He moaned in response, he looked up surpised at my accidental action. I had never really initiated or been this interested in sex like this before, it was always him pushing me into the bed or taking my clothes off for me and I just went along with it. Sex became a much easier and more enjoyable thing once I realized my true potential with Kylo.

Kylo slid his hands up my sides, tickling me just a tad and causing me to squirm. Part of it was the anticipation for lifting my shirt and exposing my creation to him and part of it was just the excitement of sex after a dry spell for us. “Off.” He whispered, I felt his cock stirring to life under me and couldn't put it off any longer. I crossed my arms over my chest and grabbed the hem of my shirt, removing the garment a little too fast for my own liking. I wanted to draw it out so sexy-like and make him squirm so hard, but it didn't work. The shirt was off and thrown over my head so quickly I had only seen a quick flash of black before I was face to face with him again.

I watched as his eyes went from my face and soared down over my chest, over my black bra, and down my belly until he met my new tattoo. His hardened look of need softened mere seconds after the red and purple text appeared in his eyes like a mirror. I looked at him proudly, he removed his hand from my hip and ran the tips of his fingers over my ink. Although completed hours earlier it still stung at his touch, I tried not to show it because I just wanted to please him.

He looked back up at me, his honey brown eyes bore into mine. His face was still quite neutral but I could see it in his eyes: He loved it and he loved me. “Did you do this?” I shrugged and pouted just a tad, it always drove him crazy when I pouted at him. He removed his fingers from what was formally my ugly two letter scar, now a beautiful representation of what I've become thanks to his persistence and determination.

“No, but I asked the people who took my stitches out to do it for me.” I smiled so brightly at him, I wanted nothing more than his blessing for my tattoo. Ever so slowly a smile broke out over his lips as well, he took one look down at it before looking back up at me. “I love it, my Princess.” We kissed again, I threaded my fingers through his soft hair as I just took it all in. The scar had originally been meant to demean me and be a cold, ugly reminder of who I belonged to. Now it was probably my most prized possession, the colorful K and R drawn into my skin, the symbol of my love, adoration, and commitment to my bondmate.

Kylo pushed me by my ribs off of his lap and made it so I was standing in front of him. With gentle fingers he undid my jeans and grabbed the waistband, pulling them down ever so slowly. I stepped out of them and gladly stood in front of him in nothing but my underwear, beaming with pride over his reaction to my gift to him. He brought me back toward him and lifted me up, just enough for him to be able to lightly brush his soft, plush lips against it. The interaction lasted less than a second but it was still enough contact to send shivers through my body.

Once he was sitting back in his original position he wasted no time in removing my underwear, pulling my panties completely down my legs and, while I was stepping out of them, unclasping my bra and throwing it somewhere in the living room behind me. The air around me was cold, pebbling my nipples almost immediately once the fabric was removed from them, but I didn't mind. From the way he was quickly toying with the zipper of his pants I knew things between us were about to warm up.

He reached into his pants and removed his monstrous cock, as always pale white and contrasting his black pants. I smiled warmly as he stroked himself in front of me, I couldn't help but think that my tattoo was turning him on even more. I watched in aw as he began smearing some precum around the head of his cock, my toes curled as I could feel a rush of wet nearly leak from between my legs. I could stand in front of him and watch no longer.

My hands flew to his shoulders and I threw my legs one by one over his thighs, straddling him as I eased down onto his cock as fast as I could without completely ruining both of us. As his cock disappeared inside of my aching cunt we collectively sighed, his dick twitching inside of me and creating some well deserved and much needed friction inside of me. Kylo's hands traveled up my bare thighs, warming them deliciously as I began to lift myself off of him, but only far enough off that his head was still poking just in my wet folds.

From there I began to ride him like my life depended on it, gripping his shoulders when pleasure waves would build in my body. As a direct response Kylo would often feel his pleasure mount inside of him and would dig his fingernails into my thighs, later on my sides as well. It's such an amazing feeling when you can feel your bondmates pleasure though your force bond, it's like feeling twice the pleasure with each sexual experience. As I continued to bounce on his fully erect cock I became slick around him, becoming tighter and tighter as I could feel both myself and Kylo nearing the end. I quickened my pace as I looked at Kylo, his eyes had shut and he let his head fall back, fully enjoying the sensations, and probably the fact that for once I was the one doing all the work.

As time went on I began leaning forward, closer and closer to his face, eventually my hips were sticking out and the only part of me moving. Kylo reached behind me and grabbed two handfuls of my cheek, seemingly the only thing comfortable for him to hold onto as I rode out my orgasm, digging my fingernails so hard into the skin of his shoulder I drew some of his blood. He came shortly behind me, his body convulsing as his sperm shot into me, his cock twitching as much as it could as my walls become impossibly tight around him. Once my aftershocks finally ceased and my moans had quieted I collapsed on top of him and once he was relaxed he embraced me. As his cock went soft inside of me he held me tight, both of his hot and sweaty messes that were totally in love. He nestled his chin in my hair and sighed, our hearts beat as one in that moment and he didn't need to use words for him to express how much he loved me.

 

It was only five days later Kylo and I sat at opposite ends of a long table in one of the Finalizer's many meeting rooms that he discussed the dirty details of our plan to dethrone Supreme Leader Snoke.

The man was well hidden at the center of Star Killer Base, a place that Kylo had mentioned here and there but I never had a good idea of where or what it was. Kylo told me the only way to gain access to him was to go through a bunker that was well hidden behind a rock inside of an ice cave on the planet. The cave gets so cold the deeper you go that even if someone wanted to assassinate Snoke they would hardly be able to survive the subzero temperatures of the coldest, darkest, cave on the planet.

After making it to the hidden elevator you had to descend several feet below the surface, so deep it was almost at the center of the planet. Kylo had no idea how many people Snoke had guarding him down there, or if there were any people guarding him at all. But he was sure that, with a few more months of training here and there the two of us could get past whoever was down there and could get to Snoke.

“Kylo, instead of doing all of this can't we just ask Snoke to let us come down for a visit?” He laughed at me in response, I knit my eyebrows. Even though we were nearly on the same playing field when it came to prestige and strength it upset me when he laughed at my ideas like I was a lowly preschooler who spit out something outrageously dumb in response to his plan. “No. The Supreme Leader has not allowed me to see him in the flesh since my training has been completed. He's locked himself in that bunker and refused me access to him.” It was Kylo's turn to look upset, but I was looking at him in disbelief. Did he really not know why?

“He's afraid of you, Kylo. He's obviously intimidated by you and your power.” His eyebrows shot up, he glared at me from across the table. “Why do you think that?” I shrugged once more, again, how could he not see? “I mean, he was the one who trained you, and you only became stronger once I came into the picture. I think he realized what could happen to him and he's locked himself away.” There was silence, Kylo was carefully considering my words as he smoothly ran his finger over his top lip. “How do you know this information anyway, if he's completely cut off all communication from you?”

“He hasn't necessarily cut off all communication.” Kylo started, letting his hand fall to the long glass table. His hands were so large, I admired them from afar as I remembered those hands running all over my body at times. So warm, so graceful, so full of life and-

“Focus, my empress. You need to focus on the task at hand.” I sighed, picking my hands up and running them along the cold glass. When we first entered this room I had a fantasy of him fucking me on this table, but seeing as though he didn't want me thinking about the wonderful sex we had together I figured I wouldn't be getting any in this room.

“Both General Hux and I are able to speak with him via hologram in a room both on Star Killer and on the Finalizer, but other than that he hides himself away. I had to dig through schematics hidden deep in the underground library from when he built Star Killer Base, a small bunker built in the very core of the planet to house the most powerful weapons. But it also serves as a safe house, built with enough space to live in for however long he needed to. A few hours, maybe if the planet is attacked, or a few centuries if he needed. He had written it in some notes I found nearby.” I quirked my brow up at him, the corners of my burgundy stained lips following suit. “Dug his own grave, I like it.”

“So we need to get into the bunker, we need to fight our way through whatever traps and defenses Snoke has down there, we need to confront him, and then we need to kill him. That sounds easy. What's the hold up?” Kylo's mouth flattened into a straight line, hesitating. I realized he was faltering because even he was afraid, he doubted our power and our ability. “We must continue to train, to grow even more powerful in the Force and physically, we no longer have our gladiator assistant Panama.” I wanted to roll my eyes at the mention of that woman's name, but I resisted the urge. Panama no longer mattered, she was no longer alive.

“Okay, so let's train for a few more days. No big deal.” Kylo shook his head once. “No, Guinevere. He's stronger than you think. We need to be prepared for anything that could go on down there. We could both be carted out of that bunker in body bags if something goes wrong.”

“I understand that, Kylo. But if we keep putting it off don't you think he's going to realize, or that someone might tip him off?”

“Not at all. Our minds are shielded well when we're together and neither of us have told a single soul about our plan. We have time, time that I want to spend making sure we're going to reap the rewards of our plan. You must trust me, my Princess.” I stared at him, although I was disappointed about not moving forward as quick as I wanted to I understood what Kylo meant. Maybe I was overconfident, maybe I was moving too fast, but at the end of the day I wanted what was best for Kylo. I wanted what Kylo wanted, and I wanted to be successful. I wanted the galaxy, I wanted the entire universe and beyond! And if all I had to do was wait and get stronger with Kylo before I could have it then so be it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as I continue to be ignored by the person I've written this story for I've decided to take complete control and finish this on my own. I don't like being ignored friends, especially when I'm writing your story and need your feedback so I don't mess up YOUR story. -huff-  
> So one more chapter and we can call it a day, thank you for being so patient with me, lovely readers.


	24. The End (Not a Chapter)

It is with great sadness that I am announcing an end to this fic.

Due to some unforeseen and unfortunate circumstances I am no longer authoring this work. It is by no means my fault, more so my choice. It was my personal decision to drop out of this amazing story. Blame belongs nowhere in this equation between the person who thought of the story and myself, I just basically had some personal issues that could not be resolved and now I am ending the work one chapter before its real ending. 

[Here](https://www.wattpad.com/story/112502551-the-devil-within-%E2%9E%B3-kylo-ren) is the link to the Wattpad page for the story, posted under the creator's username. I am not certain if she is planning on finding someone else to write that last chapter/ chapters or not, but if she does that's where you can find it. Please make no mistakes, chapters 1-23 on that page are still my work, anything posted after that is not.

Work will still continue on my one other fic and that will be updated fairly often. I will not be deleting or orphaning this work because I realized if I do that leaves my work only in her name, which is something I am not okay with.

If you have any questions feel free to email me or tweet me, you can find that information on my profile page. 

I am welcome to comments just please, no bullying of any kind. I've changed the settings to approval only, so if I see anything inflammatory about the creator or myself I will not approve.

Have a nice one guys, thank you for coming along for this amazing ride and I am sorry if I've disappointed any of you.

 

Much love as always, 

Jenn Noir


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